We Never Dance Alone : Chapter Four
Title: We Never Dance Alone
Rated: T
Genre : Angst / Friendship
Characters : Kangin , Yesung with tiny bit of Sungmin and Leeteuk.
Warning: UNBETA-ED, Lengthy chapter, F-words & Co. , mindless whumpage of characters, possibly inaccurate medical jargon.
Summary : After a hard day of work, all Kangin wanted was to go home and get some much needed sleep. Just how and why the hell did he end up in this mess?
Two days have passed since the terrible accident happened, jeopardizing four Super Junior member's life, throwing two of them close to the edge .It's been only two days ago the Super Junior members were plague with worry and uncertainty of what's to happen. Two days of devastation, anxiousness and endless prayers.
It had been two long hard days for everyone, Leeteuk especially. As if seeing two of the people he cares about bounded by the hospital bed fighting for their lives is not burdensome enough, he had to be the bearer of bad news informing Kangin, Yesung, Sungmin and Eunhyuk's family of what had happened. An unsettling mixed feelings hovers above his being. Having both Sungmin and Eunhyuk's parents grateful that their children are alright, he can't deny the feeling of relief. But having to witness Kangin and Yesung's parents broke down in uncontrollable sobs had been a whole different story and downright unpleasant, because this time, he cant promise them that everything was going to be alright. He didn't know what to say or do to comfort them. Hell, he didn't even know how to comfort himself with what's happening.
But that was two days ago. Park Jungsoo is finally able to breathe a little easier now.
Even the other members are adapting to the a new routine of coming down to the hospital for a visit in between schedules, even if it was for a short time.
Kangin's surgery had been a success without any additional complications . He had spent the first few hours after the surgery on the ventilator to help lessen the strain on his recently damaged lungs. It was unexpected that Kangin would trigger the vent as soon as he did. A signal that he's able to breathe on his own without help even after the extent of the damage to his lungs, which earned him the green light to be weaned off the ventilator. Since then,he had been drifting in and out of consciousness, barely even coherent to hold up a conversation, too drugged up for the sake of his well being. Even in that state, he had mumbled feebly asking for Yesung ; where was he and if he was okay.
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Yesung floated in that blissful state just before awareness, the place between darkness and light. His mind drifting back and fourth towards the light. He wondered why his body had felt as heavy as lead, and he could hear a familiar voice from one corner but his mind was just too damn fuzzy. Flashbacks of recent happenings cluttered his foggy mind mercilessly. Images runs through his hazy mind, the image of Kangin's cold glare, and then the feeling of himself being tossed around like a rag doll, the feeling of fear that enveloped his whole being when he saw his friends twisted in awkward angles, eyes closed. And then he knew no more, having himself forcefully pulled into oblivion. That's where his mind strayed aimlessly from and to. Until he finally felt himself slowly surfacing into the field of consciousness, coaxing him through the layers of darkness towards the light, willing his own eyes to open.
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That night Sungmin had promised Yesung's mother that he'd be accompanying him for the night after he had convinced her to go back to the hotel to get some much needed rest. Yesung's mother had refused to the idea at first, but Sungmin always has had his way with the ladies; cute faced and all, resulting the older woman to relent.
He was more than happy to fulfill his promise, it's not like there was anything for him to do back in his own square boxed room situated just two floors above. He decided he'd be more content hanging around Yesung's room even though Yesung was still out of commisson. All he needed is a good book and a thermos filled with hot choco courtesy of Ryewook, and he's set for the night.
Into the late hours of the night, Sungmin was still very much awake, talking on the phone with one of his relatives. The good book that he had been reading was long discarded on the side table. The soft rustling sound that came from where Yesung was lying made Sungmin's head turn to look at the occupant of the bed. He leaned forward only to see Yesung's eyes fluttering open. He quickly ended the conversation with his relative with a promise to call back later. He limped clumsily with the help of the crutches, towards the bed to confirm that older man had indeed opened his eyes. "Hyung!"
He squinted against the light from the lamp on the side table beside his bed. He stared at Sungmin for a moment. "Minnie?" his hoarse voice barely audible and sounding weird even to his own ears.
"Yeah hyung! It's me, Sungmin!" He replied with an honest smile. "It's okay hyung, everything is alright now, take it easy..you gave us quite a scare." the younger man touched his arm, assuring him. For the most part, Yesung didn't understand what Sungmin was on about. He looked around, realizing this place was not his room. I'm in the hospital?
He tried to remember what was he doing last that could have ended him up in the hospital. And then realization crashed upon him, the screeching tires, the moaning metal... his friends unconscious. It wasn't a dream. He wasn't dreaming the horrible scene. It actually happened.
If Sungmin was there, then where were the other two?? "Kangin??? Hyukkie??" Yesung tried to sit up, ignoring the throbbing pain around his chest area. "W-where's Kangin? Where's Hyukkie?? They're alright aren't they?" His fearful eyes settled on Sungmin's face waiting for the younger man to give him an answer.
"Hyung, calm down..." Sungmin gently pushed Yesung back so he'd be lying back down "Hyukkie is alright hyung, he's already been discharged yesterday. Now he's at home. Kangin hyung is in the other room, he' pretty banged up too but he'll be okay."
Yesung took a calming breath. Grateful that things weren't bad as he thought it was. "Minnie, how about yourself? Are you okay?" He momentarily felt stupid for not asking about Sungmin's well being. Especially when he just woke up to Sungmin by his side, who clearly was watching over him.
"Hyung you don't worry about me, I'm peachy! In fact even with these crutches, I can still dance the cool dance full with charisma!" The younger man quipped.
A smile crept onto his face. Sungmin and his enthusiasm! Even with crutches on. He opened his mouth for another question. "Kangin... his room is it nearby?"
Sungmin nodded. "Just down the hall, hyung. When you're better, I'll take you to see him"
So many things went trough his mind. Is Kangin really okay? Is he still mad at me? Maybe that's why he doesn't come to see me? And Yesung is determined to find out himself later.
The two men had a few light exchange of conversations in between before Yesung found his chance. The chance came when he saw Sungmin sitting on the chair snoring lightly, lost in dreamland.
Yesung pushed the covers aside softly and brought his legs around to the cold floor, ignoring the pain that shot trough his body. He sat there for a moment, head buzzing, his small hands tightly gripping the edge of the mattress to steady himself. Before getting up on his legs, he managed to pull out whatever tubes and wires that were connected to his body freeing him from the confinement of the bed.
His world tilted briefly when he first stood up. He took a moment to steady himself before trudging on, carefully arranging quiet steps out of the room, towards the quiet hospital hallway.
Dragging his heavy feet down the hallway, he could feel exertion creeping up on him, it was only a short walk, but it seems to be taking a toll on his still recovering body. Even the surgical area on his chest was throbbing mercilessly, but it doesn't matter because after a few more heavy steps forward his eyes finally caught the sign on the closed door. Kim Youngwoon.
Pushing the door quietly, Yesung peered inside the almost darkened room. He stepped into the room trying to be as quiet as possible. His eyes wandered across the room, spotting no one else in the room but Kangin who was sleeping rather peacefully.
He slowly made his way over towards Kangin's bedside, A new feeling blossomed in Yesung's chest, trumping the feeling of fatigue aside.
Even though he’d been told that Kangin is doing just fine and he'd be okay, Yesung couldn’t help the tiny unsettling feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach. He pushed away that feeling and concentrated on Kangin's subtle features. It was a weight off his shoulders to see that Kangin didn't look as horrible as he'd imagine. Plus none of the medical equipment around Kangin indicates him to be in any alarming danger.
In the poorly lit room, it was almost astonishing how small Kangin looked at that moment. Yesung couldn't help but notice that Kangin looked so young as he sleeps, so innocent. Strong and tough features melted away, leaving him with only the boyish features he possessed.
Worried that he'd be disturbing the younger man's slumber, he retreated quietly into one of the plastic chairs situated beside Kangin's bedside. He sat there, eyes never leaving his friend's sleeping form. Youngwoon-ah, could it be my fault we got into this mess? If only I had been down earlier.... His mind playing the guilt card on him, even thought he fully knows it was an accident, there's no way of telling if things could have been any different.
He didn't know long he sat there thinking, but exhaustion slowly crept onto him, washing him over , pulling him into an involuntary slumber.
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Kangin woke up the next morning to see a slumped figure on a chair right beside him. He squinted, looking past the blurriness trying to identify the person next to him.
"Yesung??" He called out in confusion.
The older's man head shot up, eyes darting around wildly until he settled on Kangin's confused expression. Yesung adjusted himself in the chair slightly, trying his best to bring himself back to alertness. His entire body was tired and sore but he shoved the feeling aside. "Hey!" he cleared his throat nervously " How are you feeling?" Not entirely sure if Kangin wanted him there beside him.
"Jongwoon! You're alright!" a smile flashed across his face, undeniably pleased to see the other man. Pleased to see with his two own eyes that Yesung was indeed safe and alright. He reached out for the other man's arm to make sure that he wasn't imagining Yesung's presence.
Kangin's respond startled Yesung, he hadn't expect Kangin to respond the way he did. He felt his heart soar with happiness. "Yeah..I am" He said slightly embarrassed. "How are you feeling you hadn't answered my question."
"Uh yeah, I'm alright, my chest hurts like a bitch though, I guess I'll be stuck here for a bit, eh?" he admitted, rubbing his still sore chest.
Yesung laughed weakly at Kangin's statement, he knows how it might have felt like, his very own chest was itching and stinging as well.
The first few words between them had been brief. Awkwardness still hung heavy between them. Especially for Kangin who was still dwelling on guilt from what he had said to Yesung on the night of the accident. He couldn't help but see the image of Yesung unconscious form in the wreck, and the words he had said to Yesung moments before the accident keep repeating in his head.
"annoying"
"act your age once in awhile"
"people don't take you seriously for anything"
He didn't mean it. He never meant any of it.
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As time passed, the both of them found themselves talking like they haven't had in a long time. They keep coming up with things to talk about, things to joke and laugh about, as both carefully steer away from touching any subject regarding the accident. It's been a long time since they last spent their time together like this. As selfish and wrong as it sounded, Yesung was grateful to be given a chance to rebuild the bond they once had. Even under this circumstances.
At some point in that morning, Sungmin had barged into Kangin's room heavily, armed with his crutches, face almost drained out of color only to find Yesung in the room. The poor kid woke up from his slumber only to find Yesung missing from his bed. In his panicked state, he thought that Yesung had gone missing, ran away from the hospital, kidnapped or something as equally bad. Luckily enough, his instinct told him to check Kangin's room down the hall. "Hyung!" Sungmin nearly yelled "What are you doing out of bed?" Worried and relieved at he same time. Almost near gave him a damn heart attack.
Feeling guilty for causing such commotion for Sungmin, Yesung calmly explained what had happened, how he had sneaked himself out of the his own room to find Kangin. He apologized to Sungmin for acting so rashly. Sungmin understood fully, but he doesn't have to like the decision that Yesung had taken, especially with his own body is on the mend. The younger man then left the two alone, knowing they both needed time with each other, especially after what had happened. Sungmin thought it would be a good time for them to tie the loose ends.
With Sungmin gone, the two of them went back to talking about their pasts, about all those times they had spent together when they just started out. They had been really young. Yesung and Kangin had naturally became close because of their age. There were times when Yesung was the only person that Kangin could confide to. His secrets, troubles, and worries, he had laid them all on Yesung. And Yesung had never once turned him down. Kangin wondered where did that time go. How did they end up the way they are now, it's not that he doesn't care about Yesung nowadays. Honestly, he just never really gave Yesung much of a thought. One thing he knows for sure, that Yesung wasn't the cause of their fading close bond.
"Kangin, do you remember that one time when we were pacticing?
"Which one? We practiced a whole lot before Jongwoon-ah, and we still do now..."
"That time, when we all just started our trainee days. We were practicing the dance real hard and I keep on getting it wrong, along with a few other people. Because of that, the dance teacher punished us, we weren't allowed to go out for lunch. But after you came back from lunch, you brought me a cup of ramen. You even took me to the stairs behind the building, so no one will find out. Did you remember that?"
Honestly, Kangin raked his mind at it, trying to remember that specific event. But he truly couldn't get the picture in his mind. There'd been too many mischief that he had gotten himself into with various people, making it hard for him to remember.
"Uh, I'm not sure if I remembered that Jongwoon-ah...sorry..." He admitted, feeling somewhat guilty that he couldn't make himself remember.
Yesung's face fell for a mere second then it was quickly replaced by a forced uncomfortable smile. "Oh, that's alright, it was a long long time ago anyways, and it's not that important too..." He could hear his voice wavered somewhat , betraying his stoic expression. He then quickly moved to another topic.
Their conversations caried on through out the day, casually interrupted by nurses on duty doing their round of check up on.
Yesung's doctor had came into Kangin's room personally, advising him to go back to his room to get himself check up and rested, but Yesung had calmly and politely told his doctor that he's fine and to leave him be.
In the back of Kangin's mind, he wanted to apologize to Yesung for being a jerk to him moments before the accident. But somehow the words aren't coming out of his mouth. "Why is it so damn hard to say I'm sorry?" He really was sorry and he had wanted Yesung to know that he never meant it. Maybe next time, he noted mentally. Maybe he's just not ready to talk about it just yet. So he decided to just enjoy Yesung's company which he had missed. Time did took away a lot of things away from him, even something as important as his close friendship that he used to have with Yesung.
Casually, they'd fall into silence. But neither of them wanting to be apart from each other, both of them truly content and grateful in each others' company.
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Two more days passed with Yesung constantly being on Kangin's side, barely even spending anytime in his own room. Even his family and friends now knew where to find him if they can't find him in his room.
The only time Yesung would be spending time in his own hospital room is when he needed his surgical dressing cleaned or changed, or when he's knocked out cold by the cocktail of drugs that the doctors have adminstered for him. Which he hated very much so when that happens.
Two days passed, only to prove that Kangin is going backwards on his recovery. He had grown more quiet and paler. He had even lost his appetite and developed a fever on top of everything. Yesung was the first to notice the change in his friend. Sending him into another whirlpool of worry and restlessness. He couldn't accept the fact that Kangin was getting worse instead of getting better. How could have things suddenly turned for the worse?
Hours passed, and Kangin had not awoken yet, and it worried Yesung to no end. He also noticed that Kangin's breath had become labored. The medical staffs had been in an out of the room since morning, but none of them were willing to tell him anything. They'd come in, shove Yesung aside to get some space to work around his unconscious friend, scribble on the chart and left him to toy with his own confusion. Some nice nurse would kindly tell him to go back to his room and get some rest before he exerts himself and face unwanted complications .Yesung is still recovering after all.
But he didn't care about himself. There's another person that he's more worried about.
By evening time, more medical staff poured into the room, this time hooking up Kangin to more IVs, they also turned the heart monitor back on. Yesung could only sit back and watch helplessly not really understanding what had caused his friend's health to detoriate.
That night he found himself slumped in the plastic chair beside Kangin's bedside again, eyes at half mast, body exhausted as hell. It'd didn't help that his mind is a cluttered mess, he can barely think straight anymore.
When the on duty doctor came in that night for routine check-ups, his expression had been solemn.
"Doctor..what's wrong with him? " Yesung's voice sounded small and innocent, his tone almost pleading.
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Uh-oh, I did it again! What's happening to Kangin? Will he live? Will Yesung be able to deal with everything? Find out in the next chapter. =^_^=
I had to break this chapter into two parts. It was going to be too long and confusing. I didn't realize it had gotten that long! I'm sorry for my tendency to over explain the situation with endless possibly useless details. I can't help it. T_T
Other than that I hope this chapter is not too boring, and I hope you guys will still enjoy reading it. The calm before the storm... dun... dun.. dun...
I'm also wondering if you guys are okay with lengthy chapters? In case something like this ever happens again. ~_~.
Cheers darlings! Take care and stay safe!