Trying to live my life like a real_____ man
Okay so I put my fut down on things today, things look up and I pickedmy bible up. I'm trying really hard to hold on to the feelings I get when I feel him with me. I feel it and its all I need to keep pushing on. Its not a feeling from a girl taht fluxuates. Its a feeling thats constant when I search for it. Thank you father for everything you've done for me and accepting me time and time again. This time is different and there are no excuses. I'm reaching out to help others and I'm reaching in myself to make my life right. I took time tonight to read and I think I found what I was looking for
1st Peter 4:2
That he no longer should live the rest of [his] time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
___________________
Laura wants to date me again and its obvoius. I just don't know if thats something I want. She has some growing up to do.....andtahts not to say that I don't. I need a girl that strives to love god, not just me. I need a girl that will support the things I want to do. I like music and I know that I'll most likely never be famous.......that was a dream and hope I had when I was young and naive. I just want a life of my own with a job that doesn't feel like hell. I want a family that is a real family. I dont want a child that has to go visit mom or dad b/c they got a divorce. I don't want my children to feel like daddy's someone they can't talk to.
I really hate.......yes hate......I hate that I dont know my real dad. Why did you give up on me and why did you walk out. I was just a kid and I didn't know any better then to miss my mom. Maybe if you would've been a decent man and stayed with her I wouldn't have had to choose. Its fine though I am a bit torn up but if I ever saw you I would hope you'd embrace me as your son.
I feel like I am taking baby steps when I want to take leaps. Church was good as always tonight but they didn't play the song mikey wrote about lifting hands b/c its more than just a song. I only have heard it twice but its a moving song.
I hope cole is doing okay, I try to make sure the dude is okay and kyle too. Its wierd, I use to feel like I NEEDED a girl to be happy but now.......nah. I mean it'd be AMAZING to have that love and this love......but this loves fine with me until miss wonderfull waltz's(sp?) in.
Tina if you read this thank you for picking me up when I'm down so much, you are a great friend and you inspire me at times.
The only thing left on my mind is that I'd REALLY like to start a band up, I know I'm not so good at singing but I'd like to have input on the lyrics and maybe do some type of backup vocals or something.
Its almost 3:30 I have work at 11 I need sleep. I love life
1st Peter 4:2
That he no longer should live the rest of [his] time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
___________________
Laura wants to date me again and its obvoius. I just don't know if thats something I want. She has some growing up to do.....andtahts not to say that I don't. I need a girl that strives to love god, not just me. I need a girl that will support the things I want to do. I like music and I know that I'll most likely never be famous.......that was a dream and hope I had when I was young and naive. I just want a life of my own with a job that doesn't feel like hell. I want a family that is a real family. I dont want a child that has to go visit mom or dad b/c they got a divorce. I don't want my children to feel like daddy's someone they can't talk to.
I really hate.......yes hate......I hate that I dont know my real dad. Why did you give up on me and why did you walk out. I was just a kid and I didn't know any better then to miss my mom. Maybe if you would've been a decent man and stayed with her I wouldn't have had to choose. Its fine though I am a bit torn up but if I ever saw you I would hope you'd embrace me as your son.
I feel like I am taking baby steps when I want to take leaps. Church was good as always tonight but they didn't play the song mikey wrote about lifting hands b/c its more than just a song. I only have heard it twice but its a moving song.
I hope cole is doing okay, I try to make sure the dude is okay and kyle too. Its wierd, I use to feel like I NEEDED a girl to be happy but now.......nah. I mean it'd be AMAZING to have that love and this love......but this loves fine with me until miss wonderfull waltz's(sp?) in.
Tina if you read this thank you for picking me up when I'm down so much, you are a great friend and you inspire me at times.
The only thing left on my mind is that I'd REALLY like to start a band up, I know I'm not so good at singing but I'd like to have input on the lyrics and maybe do some type of backup vocals or something.
Its almost 3:30 I have work at 11 I need sleep. I love life