* > your skin upon my skin, would be the sweetest sin ...
I thought that with each passing day, life would get easier. You know, walking the path taking me up and away from the valley of depression that was my life last year. But the more I live today, in this new year, I realize that I really haven't moved much at all. I know that I haven't changed, not really. I know that if I started to see his face again, that I would break. And here I was, deluding myself that I was better. But I think that hardest thing is knowing that it's not him I'm really afraid of. It's the way he made me feel, and the way I always want that. Don't get me wrong, I love Darin. But he's good to me. And part of, granted a very small part, but a part of me craves someone to take me down. At least I didn't have to think when I was down that low.
Mybe it's the fact that I never thought I'd ever actually have to go back to the wretched school, for my sophmore year, or maybe it's the fact that I still don't want to be there now. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. All I know is that I hate it there more than anything I've ever hated. Brush High School is a horrible place, and I honestly wouldn't subject my worst enemy to it.
The more I live through each day I see how horrible my society is. We're greedy. We're selfish, we're confrontational. We're ignorant, yet confident. I guess that's the price you pay for diversity.
Looking at people makes me sick. All those pretty girls who are absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Skinny, tan. Big boobs, nice ass. You know I'll never be like that. And it's not that Darin pushes me to be like that. It's actually the opposite. I hate the society that makes me feel like this, but I hate myself even more for letting it get to me.
Sometimes I just don't know how everyone makes it. I mean, how did my parents make it through all this... crap to make good lives for themselves. And what if I can't do that? Is there some formula I'm missing? You know I always tell myself that if i dont make it i can just leave, but really im stuck here. It's like I'm stuck in life, but never really living. It's like looking at your reflectionin the mirror... even though you don't have one.
I guess I'll never understand how people can go out of their houses and talk about honesty and truth when our entire way of life is based on the exact opposite. I wonder how I can go outside and see these people who think they're on top of the world.
I wonder how I can stand by and let myself get trampled on. How I can watch the race from the sidelines but can never quite get msyelf to get in it myself.
On Everwood Amy just asks her dad for pills. Too Bad it's never that easy.
Mybe it's the fact that I never thought I'd ever actually have to go back to the wretched school, for my sophmore year, or maybe it's the fact that I still don't want to be there now. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. All I know is that I hate it there more than anything I've ever hated. Brush High School is a horrible place, and I honestly wouldn't subject my worst enemy to it.
The more I live through each day I see how horrible my society is. We're greedy. We're selfish, we're confrontational. We're ignorant, yet confident. I guess that's the price you pay for diversity.
Looking at people makes me sick. All those pretty girls who are absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Skinny, tan. Big boobs, nice ass. You know I'll never be like that. And it's not that Darin pushes me to be like that. It's actually the opposite. I hate the society that makes me feel like this, but I hate myself even more for letting it get to me.
Sometimes I just don't know how everyone makes it. I mean, how did my parents make it through all this... crap to make good lives for themselves. And what if I can't do that? Is there some formula I'm missing? You know I always tell myself that if i dont make it i can just leave, but really im stuck here. It's like I'm stuck in life, but never really living. It's like looking at your reflectionin the mirror... even though you don't have one.
I guess I'll never understand how people can go out of their houses and talk about honesty and truth when our entire way of life is based on the exact opposite. I wonder how I can go outside and see these people who think they're on top of the world.
I wonder how I can stand by and let myself get trampled on. How I can watch the race from the sidelines but can never quite get msyelf to get in it myself.
On Everwood Amy just asks her dad for pills. Too Bad it's never that easy.