hi ho
hello, i am back. lots has happened since febuary. let me think....
well, i got caught stealing ketamine from the vet hospital, had to goto inpatient hospital for a month, when i got out in march i got kicked out of my aunts, so i lived with my mom until april, then i moved to MI for awhile, now im back in maryland with my mom and i finally have access to a GODDAMNED COMPUTER.
i have a job now and everything is just peachy. lately i've laid off all the damn pills and have been playing around with these wonderful chemicals called tryptamines. some legal, some not. same old shit at home. i'm glad i can see my family on a daily basis. i haven't been able to live with them in a long time. but on the other hand, i'm 20 years old; and living in my moms basement isn't so cool ya know? so i think of this as temporary.
lately my thoughts on the future of my life have changed drastically. for many years now, i believed that going to college, getting a job and transforming myself into Joe American the WASP was complete bullshit. a waste of time. a waste of a life even. but reality is finally starting to set in, and im not sure of anything right now. im not sure what brought this all on, but i think it was when my friends from high school started contacting me once i got computer access again. i hadn't talk to most of them in a few years and almost all of them are now on their way to success. whether it be college, or even getting married. a year ago, i would have shrugged that all off as happiness in an empty shell.
when i talked to these people, i was too embarassed to mention any details of my life. i've accomplished absolutely nothing, but i only have myself to blame for that. i'm probably going to break down and take classes in the fall, but theres still that part of me thats a drifter. when i graduated high school i had a goal in life. and that goal was to have no goal. i accomplished that and more. i wondered around for 2 years all around the US. one month i was sleeping on the beach in ft.lauderdale FL. the next month i was living at someones house i met 2 weeks before, in rural tennessee. a part of me that hates life being predictable. a part of me that still thinks the beatniks/hippies were right to live in a commune. they said fuck a job, fuck the image of a full and complete life only being measured by dollar signs, fuck everyone and everything we're going to live out in the middle of nowhere and just live while we live. so its a civil war in my head between those 2 schools of thought. buh. ok im ranting.... i need a drink.....
well, i got caught stealing ketamine from the vet hospital, had to goto inpatient hospital for a month, when i got out in march i got kicked out of my aunts, so i lived with my mom until april, then i moved to MI for awhile, now im back in maryland with my mom and i finally have access to a GODDAMNED COMPUTER.
i have a job now and everything is just peachy. lately i've laid off all the damn pills and have been playing around with these wonderful chemicals called tryptamines. some legal, some not. same old shit at home. i'm glad i can see my family on a daily basis. i haven't been able to live with them in a long time. but on the other hand, i'm 20 years old; and living in my moms basement isn't so cool ya know? so i think of this as temporary.
lately my thoughts on the future of my life have changed drastically. for many years now, i believed that going to college, getting a job and transforming myself into Joe American the WASP was complete bullshit. a waste of time. a waste of a life even. but reality is finally starting to set in, and im not sure of anything right now. im not sure what brought this all on, but i think it was when my friends from high school started contacting me once i got computer access again. i hadn't talk to most of them in a few years and almost all of them are now on their way to success. whether it be college, or even getting married. a year ago, i would have shrugged that all off as happiness in an empty shell.
when i talked to these people, i was too embarassed to mention any details of my life. i've accomplished absolutely nothing, but i only have myself to blame for that. i'm probably going to break down and take classes in the fall, but theres still that part of me thats a drifter. when i graduated high school i had a goal in life. and that goal was to have no goal. i accomplished that and more. i wondered around for 2 years all around the US. one month i was sleeping on the beach in ft.lauderdale FL. the next month i was living at someones house i met 2 weeks before, in rural tennessee. a part of me that hates life being predictable. a part of me that still thinks the beatniks/hippies were right to live in a commune. they said fuck a job, fuck the image of a full and complete life only being measured by dollar signs, fuck everyone and everything we're going to live out in the middle of nowhere and just live while we live. so its a civil war in my head between those 2 schools of thought. buh. ok im ranting.... i need a drink.....