catching up with my random self... again
i'm giving up negative/mean/hateful thoughts for lent.
hey now, for once thats a good resolution. but its gonna be hard. and i mean outloud thoughts. like things i say to people whether i mean it or not.
anyways we got the lottery numbers for picking housing for next year. Oh woot we got 2560 out of 2880. oh and p.s. if you get a number thats 2316 or above, you dont really get to pick, you get placed into the rooms of the people who cancel. AWESOMENESS!!! well at least i'm not lauren who got 2861. but then again, i could be adrienne or danielle who got 1900. pff. oh well. i hate money. i just found out that we still havent filed our fafsa's. which is so you can get financial aid. and they're due in 2 weeks and no one has time to do them so we have to hire someone. WOOO YAY. lets lose more money. oh and p.s. again, housing next year is gonna cost about $1500 more per semester. yay life and yay money. if thats one thing i hate, its money. (inanimate objects dont count so i'm not breaking my lent thing even though it doesnt matter because i didnt even know when lent was, i just happened to make my resolution today, the day after lent started) ... so. yeah. i need money like oxygen. i hate it so much. and it stresses me out. i started crying silenting to myself when i was on my phone talking about the fafsa, realizing once again, that i cant afford to be here at all but my parents keep telling me that its fine. or my mom for that matter and eventually my dad was forced by my mom to agree. ha. funny. i know everyone usually ends up with loans. but come on, this is going to be like at least $20,000 a year in loans. and since this is a 5 year school, thats a good $100,000. plus the fact that i dont get paid when i'm on co-op and will have to also find housing when i'm on co-op, thats going to put me out another couple thousand. i think about money way too much but i cant help it. i get it from my dad. money is the root of all evil. this is true. i wish i had a better way of earning money but i have no time with my schedule. i could work for like 2 hours a night from like 9 to 11 maybe. or work at like 5 in the morning until 7:30 or so. why am i thinking about this unrealistic solution? haha. ah.
so the other day i thought of an idea to try to organize nationwide benefit concerts. i really thought about it a lot when i was in macroeconomics last week. i'm a freak, what can i say. but lets think of it in basic terms. lets say 10 schools in every state are down for it. maybe more in some to make up for how there's less in others like alaska cuz who really lives there. but lets say there's 10 schools in every state that do it... thats 500 schools. then if they each have one benefit concert sometime in the year and get 100 people to go and charge a mere $4 or so, thatd be $400 per school, and times the 500 schools... $200,000. yeah. i figured i could take a year and do this project and go around to most or all the schools because YES THIS IS KEY TO SHOWING HOW I AM A PSYCHO i counted the number of weekends in the school year and there are plenty if there's 2 in a weekend, friday and saturday nights. and if needed, i could invest in a PA myself in case there are some schools that wouldnt have access to one (which is highly unprobable) or could even dish out $50 or so for the schools to use on the promotion of the show. which is also doubtful to be needed cuz its not like they dont normally have fliers and things around school. and then all the schools could be on this giant list of contributers and feel all good inside for doing a good deed and contributing towards... i havent decided whether to put it towards health care for the uninsured or pretty much something that has to do with poverty because thats what we were talking about when i thought of it in macroecon. we were talking about how sweden provides health care and like... everything to its citizens. really, they do. there's no "bums on the streets" as we discusssed. but then again, taxes are wicked there as a result. meh.
well that was my plan and i'm glad i wrote it out on here because maybe someday i'll do it, as unfeasible as it may be.
um. anyways, i'm a lazy bum, i need to get more exercise and lose weight, i look like shit all the time, i want new clothes but cant afford it but i guess i dont really need them, mine just happen to suck and not even be comfortable and OH YEAH A LOT DONT FIT cuz i suck at life.... i hate everything thats wrong with me which is pretty much... everything. i'm worried about a lot of friends fromm home that i dont talk to anymore because 1. i miss them and we dont talk and/or 2. they're losing their own sense of self and becoming someone i never thought theyd be and i dont know if they realize it and/or 3. they're hurting themselves or getting hurt and i cant do anything about it. i am sick of people here and wish i could go back to the happy place of camp but i'm too old to get back there because well, they hate me. haha. maybe cuz i acted like i hated them. meh. lifes a twisted game too full of hate and i feel like thats all that comes out of my lately. i dont feel like i know anyone anymore. i think i do and then i look at it different the next time and am shocked by how things can be so different when you take a closer look. mmm sounds like i need to watch american beauty. or just go to bed and stop thinking.
oh too bad i'm gonna keep rambling.
i had an awesome dream last night. i think thats how i managed to go back to bed after waking up at 6 am to the JACKHAMMER outside my window... because i wanted to get to the ending. but basically it involved a lot of kids here, a lot of friends from home, a lot of the local show kids... everyone. because it was a giant reunion of me being nostalgic about loving the days back when more people than JUST ME loved local shows and local bands. so somehow i organized a show in some random barn (like the eargasm shows in menomonee falls... see the connections?) IN MONTREAL. oh yeah and this was over spring break while i was in CALIFORNIA. but somehow we were able to get to montreal within a half hour because we were late because i wantned to stop for... CAKE. haha. best dream ever? yes. but it gets better. actually i just remembered a horrifying part, i kept having to introduce people to eachother and I COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR NAMES and i felt so bad. it was a big guilty conscience there. it sucked. but anyways, it was fun seeing everyone together and getting along like a big happy family... like no one does at all because everyone has little quirks with other people and people dont just plain get along anymore. they just have their certain group thats okay. whatever. ANYWAYS, back to the dream.... it was a good time.
interruption by lauren with an excellent quote: "WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE... TO LIVE." --- well said.
ok back to the dream. anyways i dont remember too much more. but i know there was a part where i got home back to wisco (i dont get how i go from boston to cali to montreal which is back on the east coast side to wisco all in less than an hour's driving time but oh well) .... I FIND THE NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK. so exciting!!! so i woke up this morning and briefly thought that it was out. i was disappointed to realize that its not. i really want to read that though. man oh man. ooo i'm gonna read more. i read a book this week already. i'm gonna read more. yay for me reading! next up... clockwork orange. then more kurt vonnegut. and then more chuck palahniuk. and then some other random stuff like borrowing meghans thing of kurt cobains journal. hm.
ok i think i'm done now because this is getting boring to even me. i hope no one really read through this all. oh man, i think livejournal was incorporated into my dream somehow too. oh and we pick classes after spring break = MAJOR STRESS again. uhhh oh well, optimism!! ---> spring break in 2 weeks and counting.
i need to mail things home. i have no idea how i'm going to get home at the end of the year because i am forced to leave my dorm on the 22nd but i also happen to have an exam that day from 1 to 3 which means i need at least a 6:30 flight... which means that THERE ARE NONE THAT DONT STOP OVERNIGHT FROM THAT TIME. i hate my life. and i talked to my professor and he said too bad. how nice of him. thanks for your help. its kinda like my RA who's obnoxious and stubborn and out to get all of us because they look through people's pictures online to catch people drinking adn then send letters home to parents about it whih BY THE WAY may happen to me because they followed the webshots links of one person's to MORE pictures that i may actually be in. yay life. well. i suppose there are many with worse problems. i wish i could do more for them. ahhhh oh the worrying and the feeling bad-ing... and the self-pity for myself and the complaining. what would solve it all? money. and i'm serious. thats a lot of the cause of my stress and the stress for others that i worry about. i hate money. why cant life live off of happiness or love or wow i watched the notebook tonite for the first time and cried like the girl i am. i am such a girl. i cant even help it. it was so good. i dont care about how predictable or cheesy it is, its friggin good and i wish i was more of a romantic and/or could meet a guy who is. dammit. optimism and romantic thrown out for my pessimism and realistness. YAY ME ONCE AGAIN. i really do wish movies and books and plays could be real life. or my real life for that matter because there's likelihood that many of them are already other people's real lives. dang, i always miss out.
oh well. i'm getting used to that being just the way it is. afterall, it still hasnt changed. it'll go away for a while but it always comes back.
sincerely yours,
whitney
p.s. the OC was thoroughly frustrating yet so HOOKING tonite. once again, i am forced to see it next week.
p.p.s. its 1:26 and i could've gone to bed at 9
hey now, for once thats a good resolution. but its gonna be hard. and i mean outloud thoughts. like things i say to people whether i mean it or not.
anyways we got the lottery numbers for picking housing for next year. Oh woot we got 2560 out of 2880. oh and p.s. if you get a number thats 2316 or above, you dont really get to pick, you get placed into the rooms of the people who cancel. AWESOMENESS!!! well at least i'm not lauren who got 2861. but then again, i could be adrienne or danielle who got 1900. pff. oh well. i hate money. i just found out that we still havent filed our fafsa's. which is so you can get financial aid. and they're due in 2 weeks and no one has time to do them so we have to hire someone. WOOO YAY. lets lose more money. oh and p.s. again, housing next year is gonna cost about $1500 more per semester. yay life and yay money. if thats one thing i hate, its money. (inanimate objects dont count so i'm not breaking my lent thing even though it doesnt matter because i didnt even know when lent was, i just happened to make my resolution today, the day after lent started) ... so. yeah. i need money like oxygen. i hate it so much. and it stresses me out. i started crying silenting to myself when i was on my phone talking about the fafsa, realizing once again, that i cant afford to be here at all but my parents keep telling me that its fine. or my mom for that matter and eventually my dad was forced by my mom to agree. ha. funny. i know everyone usually ends up with loans. but come on, this is going to be like at least $20,000 a year in loans. and since this is a 5 year school, thats a good $100,000. plus the fact that i dont get paid when i'm on co-op and will have to also find housing when i'm on co-op, thats going to put me out another couple thousand. i think about money way too much but i cant help it. i get it from my dad. money is the root of all evil. this is true. i wish i had a better way of earning money but i have no time with my schedule. i could work for like 2 hours a night from like 9 to 11 maybe. or work at like 5 in the morning until 7:30 or so. why am i thinking about this unrealistic solution? haha. ah.
so the other day i thought of an idea to try to organize nationwide benefit concerts. i really thought about it a lot when i was in macroeconomics last week. i'm a freak, what can i say. but lets think of it in basic terms. lets say 10 schools in every state are down for it. maybe more in some to make up for how there's less in others like alaska cuz who really lives there. but lets say there's 10 schools in every state that do it... thats 500 schools. then if they each have one benefit concert sometime in the year and get 100 people to go and charge a mere $4 or so, thatd be $400 per school, and times the 500 schools... $200,000. yeah. i figured i could take a year and do this project and go around to most or all the schools because YES THIS IS KEY TO SHOWING HOW I AM A PSYCHO i counted the number of weekends in the school year and there are plenty if there's 2 in a weekend, friday and saturday nights. and if needed, i could invest in a PA myself in case there are some schools that wouldnt have access to one (which is highly unprobable) or could even dish out $50 or so for the schools to use on the promotion of the show. which is also doubtful to be needed cuz its not like they dont normally have fliers and things around school. and then all the schools could be on this giant list of contributers and feel all good inside for doing a good deed and contributing towards... i havent decided whether to put it towards health care for the uninsured or pretty much something that has to do with poverty because thats what we were talking about when i thought of it in macroecon. we were talking about how sweden provides health care and like... everything to its citizens. really, they do. there's no "bums on the streets" as we discusssed. but then again, taxes are wicked there as a result. meh.
well that was my plan and i'm glad i wrote it out on here because maybe someday i'll do it, as unfeasible as it may be.
um. anyways, i'm a lazy bum, i need to get more exercise and lose weight, i look like shit all the time, i want new clothes but cant afford it but i guess i dont really need them, mine just happen to suck and not even be comfortable and OH YEAH A LOT DONT FIT cuz i suck at life.... i hate everything thats wrong with me which is pretty much... everything. i'm worried about a lot of friends fromm home that i dont talk to anymore because 1. i miss them and we dont talk and/or 2. they're losing their own sense of self and becoming someone i never thought theyd be and i dont know if they realize it and/or 3. they're hurting themselves or getting hurt and i cant do anything about it. i am sick of people here and wish i could go back to the happy place of camp but i'm too old to get back there because well, they hate me. haha. maybe cuz i acted like i hated them. meh. lifes a twisted game too full of hate and i feel like thats all that comes out of my lately. i dont feel like i know anyone anymore. i think i do and then i look at it different the next time and am shocked by how things can be so different when you take a closer look. mmm sounds like i need to watch american beauty. or just go to bed and stop thinking.
oh too bad i'm gonna keep rambling.
i had an awesome dream last night. i think thats how i managed to go back to bed after waking up at 6 am to the JACKHAMMER outside my window... because i wanted to get to the ending. but basically it involved a lot of kids here, a lot of friends from home, a lot of the local show kids... everyone. because it was a giant reunion of me being nostalgic about loving the days back when more people than JUST ME loved local shows and local bands. so somehow i organized a show in some random barn (like the eargasm shows in menomonee falls... see the connections?) IN MONTREAL. oh yeah and this was over spring break while i was in CALIFORNIA. but somehow we were able to get to montreal within a half hour because we were late because i wantned to stop for... CAKE. haha. best dream ever? yes. but it gets better. actually i just remembered a horrifying part, i kept having to introduce people to eachother and I COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR NAMES and i felt so bad. it was a big guilty conscience there. it sucked. but anyways, it was fun seeing everyone together and getting along like a big happy family... like no one does at all because everyone has little quirks with other people and people dont just plain get along anymore. they just have their certain group thats okay. whatever. ANYWAYS, back to the dream.... it was a good time.
interruption by lauren with an excellent quote: "WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE... TO LIVE." --- well said.
ok back to the dream. anyways i dont remember too much more. but i know there was a part where i got home back to wisco (i dont get how i go from boston to cali to montreal which is back on the east coast side to wisco all in less than an hour's driving time but oh well) .... I FIND THE NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK. so exciting!!! so i woke up this morning and briefly thought that it was out. i was disappointed to realize that its not. i really want to read that though. man oh man. ooo i'm gonna read more. i read a book this week already. i'm gonna read more. yay for me reading! next up... clockwork orange. then more kurt vonnegut. and then more chuck palahniuk. and then some other random stuff like borrowing meghans thing of kurt cobains journal. hm.
ok i think i'm done now because this is getting boring to even me. i hope no one really read through this all. oh man, i think livejournal was incorporated into my dream somehow too. oh and we pick classes after spring break = MAJOR STRESS again. uhhh oh well, optimism!! ---> spring break in 2 weeks and counting.
i need to mail things home. i have no idea how i'm going to get home at the end of the year because i am forced to leave my dorm on the 22nd but i also happen to have an exam that day from 1 to 3 which means i need at least a 6:30 flight... which means that THERE ARE NONE THAT DONT STOP OVERNIGHT FROM THAT TIME. i hate my life. and i talked to my professor and he said too bad. how nice of him. thanks for your help. its kinda like my RA who's obnoxious and stubborn and out to get all of us because they look through people's pictures online to catch people drinking adn then send letters home to parents about it whih BY THE WAY may happen to me because they followed the webshots links of one person's to MORE pictures that i may actually be in. yay life. well. i suppose there are many with worse problems. i wish i could do more for them. ahhhh oh the worrying and the feeling bad-ing... and the self-pity for myself and the complaining. what would solve it all? money. and i'm serious. thats a lot of the cause of my stress and the stress for others that i worry about. i hate money. why cant life live off of happiness or love or wow i watched the notebook tonite for the first time and cried like the girl i am. i am such a girl. i cant even help it. it was so good. i dont care about how predictable or cheesy it is, its friggin good and i wish i was more of a romantic and/or could meet a guy who is. dammit. optimism and romantic thrown out for my pessimism and realistness. YAY ME ONCE AGAIN. i really do wish movies and books and plays could be real life. or my real life for that matter because there's likelihood that many of them are already other people's real lives. dang, i always miss out.
oh well. i'm getting used to that being just the way it is. afterall, it still hasnt changed. it'll go away for a while but it always comes back.
sincerely yours,
whitney
p.s. the OC was thoroughly frustrating yet so HOOKING tonite. once again, i am forced to see it next week.
p.p.s. its 1:26 and i could've gone to bed at 9