I wish I even knew....
Cut. That's a wrap. End of college. I went back for graduation. I'm glad I did. That's not saying that it wasn't difficult. My parents have come to every single major and minor event in my life. Until now. Casey Doody went, and so it was nice knowing i had some family in the crowd (aside from the kids i was graduating with). I appreciated that more than anything (see also: still amazingly excited about August to August).
My mom is still holding on...far longer than anyone expected. I'll be saying goodbye to her again this weekend, for the 3rd time, never knowing if i'm going to see her again. I've gone through grief and acceptance twice already....its emotionally...taxing. As is everything else...
I'm currently between homes. I've been going back and forth from ithaca to glens falls, and i'm trying to move out of 412 and into 18-07 while actually* living at both (also yay for dr. imal and I being across the hall buddies/sharing the downstairs bathroom). I'm looking forward to the summer there, but i'm going to miss my lovely ladies of the four one two.
Grant...I finally saw Grant. It has been over 2 years now. My god nothing changes between us. We've known each other for 5 years - which doesn't seem long in some respects, but he's been around for my entire senior year of high school and all of college...and when i look at it that way...damn. We drop off each other's maps now and then, sometimes for what seems like forever, but the second we get together, its like we saw each other only last week. Sure, we have to catch up, fill in who's who in our lives now and whatnot, but once we're past that...its just us as we've always been. I've never had to hold anything back with him, and thats so refreshing. I'm an honest person when it comes to events...but ask me about my feelings and I'm likely to shut down and give a bland and generic or vague answer. Not with Grant though. 5 fucking years. My first love. And nothing changes. We just get older. There has always been distance between us...an hour in high school, 4 hours when I'm in Ithaca, so we never even entertained a serious relationship. It just wasn't logical. We talked this time about how great it would actually be...if only the circumstnaces were different. Everything in me wants to beg him to move to Vegas. How very not "me"... All in all, it was one amazing night. That'll keep me holding on until the next time we see eachother, whenever that may be.
Enough for today, and pizza run with Pops.
My mom is still holding on...far longer than anyone expected. I'll be saying goodbye to her again this weekend, for the 3rd time, never knowing if i'm going to see her again. I've gone through grief and acceptance twice already....its emotionally...taxing. As is everything else...
I'm currently between homes. I've been going back and forth from ithaca to glens falls, and i'm trying to move out of 412 and into 18-07 while actually* living at both (also yay for dr. imal and I being across the hall buddies/sharing the downstairs bathroom). I'm looking forward to the summer there, but i'm going to miss my lovely ladies of the four one two.
Grant...I finally saw Grant. It has been over 2 years now. My god nothing changes between us. We've known each other for 5 years - which doesn't seem long in some respects, but he's been around for my entire senior year of high school and all of college...and when i look at it that way...damn. We drop off each other's maps now and then, sometimes for what seems like forever, but the second we get together, its like we saw each other only last week. Sure, we have to catch up, fill in who's who in our lives now and whatnot, but once we're past that...its just us as we've always been. I've never had to hold anything back with him, and thats so refreshing. I'm an honest person when it comes to events...but ask me about my feelings and I'm likely to shut down and give a bland and generic or vague answer. Not with Grant though. 5 fucking years. My first love. And nothing changes. We just get older. There has always been distance between us...an hour in high school, 4 hours when I'm in Ithaca, so we never even entertained a serious relationship. It just wasn't logical. We talked this time about how great it would actually be...if only the circumstnaces were different. Everything in me wants to beg him to move to Vegas. How very not "me"... All in all, it was one amazing night. That'll keep me holding on until the next time we see eachother, whenever that may be.
Enough for today, and pizza run with Pops.