A Completely Impractical and Silly Notion
Title: A Completely Impractical and Silly Notion
Parings: None
Rating: G
Notes: Written for a prompt on sherlockbbc_fic that said Jim was driven to a life of crime because he wanted a hippopotamus for christmans. Based on the song “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” by Gayla Peevey
Disclaimer: For shits and giggles.
Little James Moriarty’s mother was busy washing dishes when he came into the kitchen one afternoon in early December. “Mother, I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.” His mother chuckled and placed one of the dinner plates in the drying rack. “Oh really now? How do you expect father Christmas to bring hippopotamus in house?”
“He wouldn’t have to use a dirty chimney flue. He could just bring him through the front door because that’s the easy thing to do” James responded. “Wasn’t it just last week that you wanted a Snoopy snow cone maker” his mother asked? “Yeah, but that was last week” James said. “I don’t want a doll or a rinky tinker toy I want hippopotamus to play with and enjoy. I can see me now on Christmas morning creeping downstairs. Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes and see a hippo hero standing there.”
James’s mother had finished washing the dishes and put her rubber gloves into the drain board. “A hippo would eat you James.” James thought about the possibility of that happening. “No it wouldn’t. My teacher said that a hippo is a vegetarian.”
“Well vegetarian or not we still have no place to put hippopotamus they are very large creatures. They usually weigh several tons.” Mrs. Moriarty explained. “ We can keep him in our two-car garage I can feed them there, wash him there and give him his massage” James said confidently.
“James you cannot have a hippopotamus for Christmas. It is a completely impractical and silly notion” Mrs. Moriarty said. “The hippopotamus is responsible for more deaths a year in the Nile River the crocodiles. The are native to Egypt and not Ireland. I don’t even think there is a hippopotamus anywhere in Europe. Now here, have a biscuit and go along to play.” She handed her son a biscuit as she shooed him out the back door.
“If I don’t get hippopotamus for Christmas just you watch I’ll grow up to be a criminal mastermind. Then after I blow up a bunch of stuff and do a lot of bad things and the press asks me why I did it I’ll look at them and say it was all because when I was a little boy I wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas and my Mummy would get me one” James said pouting.
“Now that is about as likely as you getting of hippopotamus for Christmas.” Mrs. Moriarty close the door behind her son wondered again why she had taken her mother’s advice and joined a convent.