(no subject)
totally disregard that last entry....cuz she set me up for the biggest fall of my life...i thought she was the one...i thought that i was the lucky one...finding my true love the first time. i thought that we were perfect together but now she doesnt want any of this. im sick of getting dicked around. tomorrow if anyone even looks at me wrong im gonna kill them! im gonna fucking rip them apart and i dont care about the results i dont care if i get expelled or suspended or even put in jail cuz i dont think i could feel any worse in my entire life than what i do now. so you know what i say...i say fuck everything and i should just give up totally and be a fucking sellout and just be an asshole like everyone else cuz that seems to get them further in life than where i am right now and everybody thinks that theyre cool and that im a fucking pussy. cuz i had gf and i loved her and i didnt care about how much she put out or anything like that...i just love her and i want her back. and on the phone all she can do is laugh and say that someone did the same thing to her...she was laughing and it didnt even sound like she cared cuz i dont think she did. i think shes glad to get out of this relationship. so now she can go and live cuz now and see what she has been missing...but she said that i was special and that i actually cared about her and she knows that ppl like me are hard to find...im not tooting my own horn but i know how i am. i loved her and i wasnt afraid to show it cuz i wanted to show her to the world cuz she was mine and i was the luckiest man alive to have her but now i dont have her and and its killing me inside...ive never felt this mad...confused...crushed...sad...dissappointed...in all my life and i want it to end right now...either she phones me and says it was all mistake and that she really does love me or that i just fucking take my own life right fucking now....i can only think of 2 ppl that would really care that i was gone...and i know they would get over me pretty fast...but i wonder how she would feel...she would prolly miss me for a bit and then get over me and then start looking for another guy so that he could fuck her over too. she knows that i would never do anything to hurt her intensionally and i wish she could really see that i would love her, charish her, support her, help her, listen to her until the day i died and i want her to know that i might be the only one who truly understands her and she might be throwing all of it away...i cant predict the future but thats all i can see happening caz i dont think i would want to live much longer and other than her theres only one other person that could keep me from doing anything drastic so i dont really have that much support in my corner cuz none of the ppl i hang out with care about me an her...they dont and they never will so fuck you all and i can see you at the pearly gates!