(no subject)

[bowl_of_lilacs]

my grandma died this morning.  She was in her early nineties.  she was scheduled to move from my parents' house into a care facility down the road from them on October 5.  she felt like she was being put away - "warehoused," she called it.  my parents have taken care of her for something like eight years now, and my grandma had medical issues that made it increasingly impossible for them to give her the care they needed.  they said that once she heard they were moving her, she began willing herself to die.  my parents tried really hard to keep her alive - too hard, i think sometimes - she seemed to be ready to go.  she's been sick for so long that this isn't surprising to anyone, but it still hurts.

i exchanged a couple of letters with her recently - they don't make much sense, but she was trying.

i'm named for her - her first name is my middle name - and i've always felt connected to her for that.  she liked roses and birds and quilting.

i will miss her.

i am still trying to decide if i will be able to make it out to the funeral.  i have so much to do right now.  we'll see.