FIC: If A Dog Were Your Teacher (Lesson 8)
Title: If A Dog Were Your Teacher (Lesson 8)
Author: Bow a.k.a. bowie28
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Word count: 2,610
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: FICTION.
Warning: angst, schmoop, introspective Jensen
Spoilers: none
Beta: a wonderful tariana ♥♥♥
A/N: Another part of my dog-lessons 'verse. Each part is intended to be read as a standalone piece, with no chronological order. Inspired by this most adorable story. Feedback and suggestions are very welcome. Oh, and the icon I am using was originally drawn by oddments.
Summary: Jensen always thinks of Jared as a dog, and it would have been a perfect joke if Jared hadn’t taught Jensen a thing or two about how to be a truly happy person.
Lesson 1: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Lesson 2: Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Lesson 3: When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
Lesson 4: Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory
Lesson 5: Take naps and stretch before rising
Lesson 6: Run romp and play daily
Lesson 7: Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Lesson 8
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
It’s almost impossible to make Jared angry. Almost. So Jensen is torn between feeling honored and suicidal when he manages to enrage Jared to the point that the guy shuts up and hasn’t been able to find a single word to say to him since the night before. It’s starting to feel like he’s been living in Kripke’s hell where one month means ten years. So that would make 16 hours and 37 minutes roughly seven days, which can’t be right since it feels more like a month than a week that his insides ripped out.
Who cares about the fucking math anyway? Jensen throws his cell phone on the coffee table in front of him without closing the calculator. Leaning back in the couch, he groans. It’s creepily quiet in his trailer and the couch feels stiff and lumpy against his body and not as cozy and snugly as the one in Jared’s trailer.
He doesn’t know why he said what he said. Okay, he knows why. He’s a dumbass, that’s why. But this time he can’t just walk up to Jared and say he’s a dumbass and beg for forgiveness. This time he needs more than that pathetic excuse. This time he needs a real ‘why’ - why he would act like a self-righteous, hypocritical liar when he wasn’t even forced to.
Jensen can’t even blame that stupid tabloid someone’s left in the make-up trailer for Jared to find. It’s like leaving a trail of Danish crumbs. Nothing good can come of it. So there Jared was, chatting up the girls about some nasty Hollywood breakup while he and Jensen were having their makeup removed. Jensen doesn’t even remember whose breakup it was because he was exhausted and too busy trying to get some shuteye in the other end of the trailer. Jensen remembers though that it must have been quite earth-shattering because there were giggles and shrieks and then the excitement in Jared’s voice when the guy reported the tragic news.
“Yeah, my heart breaks for them,” Jensen mumbled loud enough for the rest of room to hear and hopefully let him be.
He must have had dozed off, but apparently not long enough because when the voices began to make sense again, they hadn’t moved on to another topic. He shifts in his seat to find a more comfortable position before letting his stylist continue her work.
So what? People break up. It’s what people do. Either break up or tie the knot. And seriously, what are the chances of people actually ending up jubilated in church? Way slimmer than them ending up shitfaced in bars, that’s what. So get the fuck over it already.
“I just don’t get it. They’ve been together forever,” one girl spoke, obviously devastated by the news.
“Yeah, and they were so perfect for each other,” the other girl joined in, sharing the same agony.
Why don’t you just ask the guy in your chair? If anyone ‘gets’ it, it’s him.
Suddenly the room fell silent. Jensen opened his eyes. Everyone, including Jared, was staring at him.
Damn, did he just say that out loud?
The girls behind Jared were practically gaping while Jared just frowned.
Of course, he had just said that out loud.
Before Jensen could rectify the situation, Clif opened the trailer door, said the car was ready and asked if they were ready to go home.
Jared didn’t wait for Jensen’s answer, which wasn’t that strange since most of the time Jared just takes one look at Jensen and yells back their answer. Jensen’s hardly in a coherent state at this time of day anyway. But tonight Jared just got up, grabbed his jacket and strode toward the door. With a low mumble of ‘thanks’ to their bodyguard/driver/cook, Jared disappeared.
Clif turned to look at Jensen, a little perplexed.
“I’ll be right there,” Jensen managed.
The guy nodded before closing the door.
Jensen turned around. The girls were still staring at him.
“What?”
He pushed himself off the chair, grabbed his jacket, wishing he could turn invisible at will.
“It was just a joke,” Jensen said when he got to the door. The look on the girls’ faces, however, implied otherwise.
He left the trailer, knowing they were right. Deep down what he had thought, what he had said hadn’t been a joke. Not really. No matter how much he’d wanted it to be.
The ride was excruciatingly silent and long, but that was nothing compared to what awaited him at home. Jensen watched Jared climb the stairs with the dogs. Sadie gave Jensen a brief confused look from the landing before continuing to follow her master. Jensen waited to hear that click from Jared’s door, some kind of tangible verdict and punishment, but it never came.
He slept in his bed by himself for the first time in months, and discovered how one human being could absorb sadness like sand did water - through and thorough, balls to bones.
Jensen leans over to snatch his cell phone back from the coffee table and looks at the time. It’s been 16 hours and 42 minutes, and he’s still a light-year away from the explanation Jared’s expecting. He has ten minutes before their lunch break is over. Exhaling, he leans back in the couch. The cushion still feels all wrong under him. If this was any normal day, Jensen would probably be sprawling on Jared’s couch, watching Jared sucking down rainbow-colored gummy worms, and pretending to be disgusted when Jared tried to kiss him with those sugar-coated lips.
Jared and his candies. That and the dogs are probably the only things he can’t compete with. Jensen smiles despite himself as the thought runs through his mind. He lifts his feet and rests them on the small table, and that’s when he notices a half-filled jar of M&Ms. Jared probably left it two days ago when the guys decided to set up a battle for Halo 3 in Jensen’s trailer instead of Jared’s because 1) it didn’t smell like dogs and 2) the chances of stumbling onto used condoms were much, much lower.
Jensen reaches for the jar and studies the colors of the candies. The red, the blue, the green, the yellow and the orange are scattering in the sea of the brown. The sight hits him like a stun gun to his head because nothing makes a man feel guilty like a jar of M&Ms.
It was the second month of filming, and even though Jensen had grown comfortable with Jared pretty quickly, the guy was still one sneaky bastard.
“So you’re the one who’s been stealing all the brown ones,” Jared chirped in from behind the snack bar.
Startled, Jensen cursed, turning around. “Jesus.”
“Call me Jared,” the guy gave him a blinding grin.
Jensen rolled his eyes and turned back to the table, diverting his interest from the giant bag of M&Ms to a pile of power bars.
“I don’t get it,” Jared said as he picked one of the red ones out of the bag to study. “They taste all the same to me.” With that, Jared popped the candy into his mouth.
Jensen watched, disgusted. “Of course they taste all the same to you, you sugar junkie.”
Jared laughed before snatching a handful of M&Ms from the bag and running off.
It isn’t a fixed deal between them or anything. Jensen would never do idiotic things like that. But whenever Jensen catches Jared pick out the brown ones from his palm and throw them back into the bag or the jar, Jensen smiles like an idiot.
Well, not so much a smile as a grimace now.
* * *
Jared’s made it perfectly clear that his breakup with Sandy was his decision, that Jensen wasn’t the deciding factor, no matter how much in love he was with Jensen at the time. But no matter how much Jensen wants to believe it, he knows deep down that he has affected the whole chain reaction which inevitably has caused a different outcome: Jared is dating his male best friend instead of being married to his girlfriend of forever.
And all for what? For this? For an ungrateful and spineless boyfriend who curls up in the couch and watches The Matrix for the hundredth time to numb out the world because the love of his life wants nothing to do with him?
The Oracle picks a tray of her freshly baked cookies from the oven, making Keanu Reeves wait at the door.
‘I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase.’
‘What vase?’ Keanu asks innocently.
Of course Keanu knocks over the flower vase by the door and breaks it.
‘That vase.’ The Oracle turns to him.
‘I'm sorry.’
‘I said don't worry about it.’ The Oracle smiles. ‘I'll get one of my kids to fix it.’
Keanu then asks stupidly, ‘How did you know?’
‘Ohhh,’ the Oracle mocks. ‘What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything.’
Jensen shifts in the couch.
The Oracle walks up to Keanu and smiles to herself.
‘You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.’
‘Who?’
‘Not too bright though.’ She grins at him.
Jensen hugs the blanket closer.
‘So… what do you think? Do you think you're the One?’
Along with Keanu, Jensen blinks.
‘I honestly don't know.’
The footsteps on the stairs start him. Jensen doesn’t move though. His heart races and his ears start pounding, but he doesn’t move an inch. The footsteps are light but steady on the kitchen floor. It’s half past midnight. Jared’s probably come down to get something to drink and go back to bed.
The Oracle is saying something apocalyptically important to Keanu Reeves on the screen, but all Jensen hears is Jared opening the fridge and closing it, and when the footsteps begin again, they don’t move away. Instead they move toward the couch, toward him. Jensen forces himself to focus on the movie.
The Oracle is now looking at Keanu’s palms. ‘Okay. Now I'm supposed to say, “Hmm, that's interesting,” but then you say...’
‘But what?’
‘But you already know what I'm going to tell you.’
Keanu stares the Oracle with his stupid eyes before shaking his head, saying, ‘I'm not the One.’
The Oracle looks disappointed. ‘Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.’
‘What?’
‘Your next life maybe, who knows?’
“I should punch you in the face,” Jared says from above the couch.
Jensen tilts his head back to look at the other guy. “You should.”
Jared doesn’t move in to punch him though. He shuffles around the couch and signals Jensen to move over.
Jensen sits up and Jared settles next to him.
“So would you?” Jensen asks, genuinely wants Jared to get it over with.
Jared looks at him. “I would if you weren’t so damned depressed already.”
“I’m not…” Jensen starts.
“You watch this only when you’re depressed.” Jared tilts his head toward the screen.
Jensen bites his lip, wishes he knew what to say, but he doesn’t, at least not something that would make sense anyway. He looks down, draws his legs up and hugs them, resting his chin on his knees, eyes back on the screen.
‘You're going to have to make a choice. In one hand, you'll have Morpheus' life, and in the other hand, you'll have your own. One of you is going to die. Which one will be up to you,’ the Oracle says.
“I didn’t mean what I said,” Jensen says, eyes still on the screen.
“Then why are you so depressed?”
Jensen turns to look at the other guy. “Because you were angry with me,” he replies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You still are.”
“Well, I’ll get over it.”
Jensen knows Jared will, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. “I know.”
“But that’s not why you’re depressed,” Jared observes.
“I just don’t understand why I would do that. To you. It’s not me.” Jensen turns to look at the other man.
Jared gives him a concerned look before turning his body toward Jensen, bringing one leg onto the couch.
“I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but you’re kind of like a time bomb, and unless you sort out whatever that needs sorted out, sooner or later you’re gonna blow.”
Jensen blinks.
“That’s why you said what you said. That’s why instead of coming and talking to me, you’re here, watching some bald kid bending a spoon. It’s you, Jen. This is you.”
Jensen knows Jared’s right. Jared’s always right.
“So talk to me,” Jared says, putting his arm along the top of the backrest. “You know you can tell me anything, even if it’s bad and will probably piss me off.”
Jensen almost smiles. Almost.
“Are you happy?”
Jared studies him for a moment.
“You mean am I happy with the choices I made?”
Jensen doesn’t nod, and Jared doesn’t need him to.
“Why do you think I’m still here?”
“Honestly, sometimes I have no idea.”
Jared doesn’t say anything, just reaches out to touch Jensen’s elbow. Jensen watches the long fingers linger on his skin, swallows.
“Because there is no one else for me,” Jared says. “There can never be anyone else. Do you understand?”
And miraculously he understands. Jensen understands because no matter how scared and stupid and blind he’s been, there is no one else for him either.
“I’m sorry.” Jensen takes Jared’s hand and holds on.
He’s sorry that he said what he said. He’s sorry that he’s doubted Jared, doubted them. He’s sorry that instead of having everything, Jared has only him. He’s sorry that he didn’t say he was sorry before.
Jared squeezes his hand and pulls him in for a kiss, soft and long. It’s impossible to measure how much Jensen’s missed this, being touched and tasted and loved like this.
When they pull apart, Jensen buries his head in the crook of Jared’s neck, and Jared lets him. They watch Keanu Reeves and Co get ready to rescue Morpheus from the evil Agent Smith.
‘No one has ever done anything like this,’ Trinity tells Keanu.
‘That's why it's going to work.’ Keanu says, holding the gun.
“Hey, you found my M&Ms,” Jared notices the jar on the coffee table in front of them. Jensen lets Jared up so Jared can lean over and grab the jar.
“You left it in my trailer, remember?” Jensen says before letting Jared sit back in the couch.
Settling back on Jared, Jensen watches him open the jar.
“Want some?” he hears Jared ask.
Jensen shakes his head against the broad shoulder. Jared then shoves his hand into the jar and grabs a handful of the candies. Jensen smirks at his boyfriend’s abrupt change of mood. Sweets do cure everything.
Jensen is about to train his eyes back on the screen when Jared starts picking out the brown M&Ms from his enormous palm and dropping them back into the jar.
A smile spreads on Jensen’s face. It’s the kind of smile that won’t go away, and it probably makes him look like an idiot, but he doesn’t care. And what if he has a tiny, tiny sting in his eyes right about now, so what? So what? He has the most awesome boyfriend ever, and he thinks he kind of deserves it.
End Lesson 8
SPECIAL NOTE: For those who are not obsessed with The Matrix the way I am, you can watch the scene mentioned above here. ♥
Lesson 9: When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body
Author: Bow a.k.a. bowie28
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Word count: 2,610
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: FICTION.
Warning: angst, schmoop, introspective Jensen
Spoilers: none
Beta: a wonderful tariana ♥♥♥
A/N: Another part of my dog-lessons 'verse. Each part is intended to be read as a standalone piece, with no chronological order. Inspired by this most adorable story. Feedback and suggestions are very welcome. Oh, and the icon I am using was originally drawn by oddments.
Summary: Jensen always thinks of Jared as a dog, and it would have been a perfect joke if Jared hadn’t taught Jensen a thing or two about how to be a truly happy person.
Lesson 1: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Lesson 2: Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Lesson 3: When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
Lesson 4: Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory
Lesson 5: Take naps and stretch before rising
Lesson 6: Run romp and play daily
Lesson 7: Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Lesson 8
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
It’s almost impossible to make Jared angry. Almost. So Jensen is torn between feeling honored and suicidal when he manages to enrage Jared to the point that the guy shuts up and hasn’t been able to find a single word to say to him since the night before. It’s starting to feel like he’s been living in Kripke’s hell where one month means ten years. So that would make 16 hours and 37 minutes roughly seven days, which can’t be right since it feels more like a month than a week that his insides ripped out.
Who cares about the fucking math anyway? Jensen throws his cell phone on the coffee table in front of him without closing the calculator. Leaning back in the couch, he groans. It’s creepily quiet in his trailer and the couch feels stiff and lumpy against his body and not as cozy and snugly as the one in Jared’s trailer.
He doesn’t know why he said what he said. Okay, he knows why. He’s a dumbass, that’s why. But this time he can’t just walk up to Jared and say he’s a dumbass and beg for forgiveness. This time he needs more than that pathetic excuse. This time he needs a real ‘why’ - why he would act like a self-righteous, hypocritical liar when he wasn’t even forced to.
Jensen can’t even blame that stupid tabloid someone’s left in the make-up trailer for Jared to find. It’s like leaving a trail of Danish crumbs. Nothing good can come of it. So there Jared was, chatting up the girls about some nasty Hollywood breakup while he and Jensen were having their makeup removed. Jensen doesn’t even remember whose breakup it was because he was exhausted and too busy trying to get some shuteye in the other end of the trailer. Jensen remembers though that it must have been quite earth-shattering because there were giggles and shrieks and then the excitement in Jared’s voice when the guy reported the tragic news.
“Yeah, my heart breaks for them,” Jensen mumbled loud enough for the rest of room to hear and hopefully let him be.
He must have had dozed off, but apparently not long enough because when the voices began to make sense again, they hadn’t moved on to another topic. He shifts in his seat to find a more comfortable position before letting his stylist continue her work.
So what? People break up. It’s what people do. Either break up or tie the knot. And seriously, what are the chances of people actually ending up jubilated in church? Way slimmer than them ending up shitfaced in bars, that’s what. So get the fuck over it already.
“I just don’t get it. They’ve been together forever,” one girl spoke, obviously devastated by the news.
“Yeah, and they were so perfect for each other,” the other girl joined in, sharing the same agony.
Why don’t you just ask the guy in your chair? If anyone ‘gets’ it, it’s him.
Suddenly the room fell silent. Jensen opened his eyes. Everyone, including Jared, was staring at him.
Damn, did he just say that out loud?
The girls behind Jared were practically gaping while Jared just frowned.
Of course, he had just said that out loud.
Before Jensen could rectify the situation, Clif opened the trailer door, said the car was ready and asked if they were ready to go home.
Jared didn’t wait for Jensen’s answer, which wasn’t that strange since most of the time Jared just takes one look at Jensen and yells back their answer. Jensen’s hardly in a coherent state at this time of day anyway. But tonight Jared just got up, grabbed his jacket and strode toward the door. With a low mumble of ‘thanks’ to their bodyguard/driver/cook, Jared disappeared.
Clif turned to look at Jensen, a little perplexed.
“I’ll be right there,” Jensen managed.
The guy nodded before closing the door.
Jensen turned around. The girls were still staring at him.
“What?”
He pushed himself off the chair, grabbed his jacket, wishing he could turn invisible at will.
“It was just a joke,” Jensen said when he got to the door. The look on the girls’ faces, however, implied otherwise.
He left the trailer, knowing they were right. Deep down what he had thought, what he had said hadn’t been a joke. Not really. No matter how much he’d wanted it to be.
The ride was excruciatingly silent and long, but that was nothing compared to what awaited him at home. Jensen watched Jared climb the stairs with the dogs. Sadie gave Jensen a brief confused look from the landing before continuing to follow her master. Jensen waited to hear that click from Jared’s door, some kind of tangible verdict and punishment, but it never came.
He slept in his bed by himself for the first time in months, and discovered how one human being could absorb sadness like sand did water - through and thorough, balls to bones.
Jensen leans over to snatch his cell phone back from the coffee table and looks at the time. It’s been 16 hours and 42 minutes, and he’s still a light-year away from the explanation Jared’s expecting. He has ten minutes before their lunch break is over. Exhaling, he leans back in the couch. The cushion still feels all wrong under him. If this was any normal day, Jensen would probably be sprawling on Jared’s couch, watching Jared sucking down rainbow-colored gummy worms, and pretending to be disgusted when Jared tried to kiss him with those sugar-coated lips.
Jared and his candies. That and the dogs are probably the only things he can’t compete with. Jensen smiles despite himself as the thought runs through his mind. He lifts his feet and rests them on the small table, and that’s when he notices a half-filled jar of M&Ms. Jared probably left it two days ago when the guys decided to set up a battle for Halo 3 in Jensen’s trailer instead of Jared’s because 1) it didn’t smell like dogs and 2) the chances of stumbling onto used condoms were much, much lower.
Jensen reaches for the jar and studies the colors of the candies. The red, the blue, the green, the yellow and the orange are scattering in the sea of the brown. The sight hits him like a stun gun to his head because nothing makes a man feel guilty like a jar of M&Ms.
It was the second month of filming, and even though Jensen had grown comfortable with Jared pretty quickly, the guy was still one sneaky bastard.
“So you’re the one who’s been stealing all the brown ones,” Jared chirped in from behind the snack bar.
Startled, Jensen cursed, turning around. “Jesus.”
“Call me Jared,” the guy gave him a blinding grin.
Jensen rolled his eyes and turned back to the table, diverting his interest from the giant bag of M&Ms to a pile of power bars.
“I don’t get it,” Jared said as he picked one of the red ones out of the bag to study. “They taste all the same to me.” With that, Jared popped the candy into his mouth.
Jensen watched, disgusted. “Of course they taste all the same to you, you sugar junkie.”
Jared laughed before snatching a handful of M&Ms from the bag and running off.
It isn’t a fixed deal between them or anything. Jensen would never do idiotic things like that. But whenever Jensen catches Jared pick out the brown ones from his palm and throw them back into the bag or the jar, Jensen smiles like an idiot.
Well, not so much a smile as a grimace now.
* * *
Jared’s made it perfectly clear that his breakup with Sandy was his decision, that Jensen wasn’t the deciding factor, no matter how much in love he was with Jensen at the time. But no matter how much Jensen wants to believe it, he knows deep down that he has affected the whole chain reaction which inevitably has caused a different outcome: Jared is dating his male best friend instead of being married to his girlfriend of forever.
And all for what? For this? For an ungrateful and spineless boyfriend who curls up in the couch and watches The Matrix for the hundredth time to numb out the world because the love of his life wants nothing to do with him?
The Oracle picks a tray of her freshly baked cookies from the oven, making Keanu Reeves wait at the door.
‘I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase.’
‘What vase?’ Keanu asks innocently.
Of course Keanu knocks over the flower vase by the door and breaks it.
‘That vase.’ The Oracle turns to him.
‘I'm sorry.’
‘I said don't worry about it.’ The Oracle smiles. ‘I'll get one of my kids to fix it.’
Keanu then asks stupidly, ‘How did you know?’
‘Ohhh,’ the Oracle mocks. ‘What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything.’
Jensen shifts in the couch.
The Oracle walks up to Keanu and smiles to herself.
‘You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.’
‘Who?’
‘Not too bright though.’ She grins at him.
Jensen hugs the blanket closer.
‘So… what do you think? Do you think you're the One?’
Along with Keanu, Jensen blinks.
‘I honestly don't know.’
The footsteps on the stairs start him. Jensen doesn’t move though. His heart races and his ears start pounding, but he doesn’t move an inch. The footsteps are light but steady on the kitchen floor. It’s half past midnight. Jared’s probably come down to get something to drink and go back to bed.
The Oracle is saying something apocalyptically important to Keanu Reeves on the screen, but all Jensen hears is Jared opening the fridge and closing it, and when the footsteps begin again, they don’t move away. Instead they move toward the couch, toward him. Jensen forces himself to focus on the movie.
The Oracle is now looking at Keanu’s palms. ‘Okay. Now I'm supposed to say, “Hmm, that's interesting,” but then you say...’
‘But what?’
‘But you already know what I'm going to tell you.’
Keanu stares the Oracle with his stupid eyes before shaking his head, saying, ‘I'm not the One.’
The Oracle looks disappointed. ‘Sorry, kid. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.’
‘What?’
‘Your next life maybe, who knows?’
“I should punch you in the face,” Jared says from above the couch.
Jensen tilts his head back to look at the other guy. “You should.”
Jared doesn’t move in to punch him though. He shuffles around the couch and signals Jensen to move over.
Jensen sits up and Jared settles next to him.
“So would you?” Jensen asks, genuinely wants Jared to get it over with.
Jared looks at him. “I would if you weren’t so damned depressed already.”
“I’m not…” Jensen starts.
“You watch this only when you’re depressed.” Jared tilts his head toward the screen.
Jensen bites his lip, wishes he knew what to say, but he doesn’t, at least not something that would make sense anyway. He looks down, draws his legs up and hugs them, resting his chin on his knees, eyes back on the screen.
‘You're going to have to make a choice. In one hand, you'll have Morpheus' life, and in the other hand, you'll have your own. One of you is going to die. Which one will be up to you,’ the Oracle says.
“I didn’t mean what I said,” Jensen says, eyes still on the screen.
“Then why are you so depressed?”
Jensen turns to look at the other guy. “Because you were angry with me,” he replies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You still are.”
“Well, I’ll get over it.”
Jensen knows Jared will, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. “I know.”
“But that’s not why you’re depressed,” Jared observes.
“I just don’t understand why I would do that. To you. It’s not me.” Jensen turns to look at the other man.
Jared gives him a concerned look before turning his body toward Jensen, bringing one leg onto the couch.
“I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but you’re kind of like a time bomb, and unless you sort out whatever that needs sorted out, sooner or later you’re gonna blow.”
Jensen blinks.
“That’s why you said what you said. That’s why instead of coming and talking to me, you’re here, watching some bald kid bending a spoon. It’s you, Jen. This is you.”
Jensen knows Jared’s right. Jared’s always right.
“So talk to me,” Jared says, putting his arm along the top of the backrest. “You know you can tell me anything, even if it’s bad and will probably piss me off.”
Jensen almost smiles. Almost.
“Are you happy?”
Jared studies him for a moment.
“You mean am I happy with the choices I made?”
Jensen doesn’t nod, and Jared doesn’t need him to.
“Why do you think I’m still here?”
“Honestly, sometimes I have no idea.”
Jared doesn’t say anything, just reaches out to touch Jensen’s elbow. Jensen watches the long fingers linger on his skin, swallows.
“Because there is no one else for me,” Jared says. “There can never be anyone else. Do you understand?”
And miraculously he understands. Jensen understands because no matter how scared and stupid and blind he’s been, there is no one else for him either.
“I’m sorry.” Jensen takes Jared’s hand and holds on.
He’s sorry that he said what he said. He’s sorry that he’s doubted Jared, doubted them. He’s sorry that instead of having everything, Jared has only him. He’s sorry that he didn’t say he was sorry before.
Jared squeezes his hand and pulls him in for a kiss, soft and long. It’s impossible to measure how much Jensen’s missed this, being touched and tasted and loved like this.
When they pull apart, Jensen buries his head in the crook of Jared’s neck, and Jared lets him. They watch Keanu Reeves and Co get ready to rescue Morpheus from the evil Agent Smith.
‘No one has ever done anything like this,’ Trinity tells Keanu.
‘That's why it's going to work.’ Keanu says, holding the gun.
“Hey, you found my M&Ms,” Jared notices the jar on the coffee table in front of them. Jensen lets Jared up so Jared can lean over and grab the jar.
“You left it in my trailer, remember?” Jensen says before letting Jared sit back in the couch.
Settling back on Jared, Jensen watches him open the jar.
“Want some?” he hears Jared ask.
Jensen shakes his head against the broad shoulder. Jared then shoves his hand into the jar and grabs a handful of the candies. Jensen smirks at his boyfriend’s abrupt change of mood. Sweets do cure everything.
Jensen is about to train his eyes back on the screen when Jared starts picking out the brown M&Ms from his enormous palm and dropping them back into the jar.
A smile spreads on Jensen’s face. It’s the kind of smile that won’t go away, and it probably makes him look like an idiot, but he doesn’t care. And what if he has a tiny, tiny sting in his eyes right about now, so what? So what? He has the most awesome boyfriend ever, and he thinks he kind of deserves it.
End Lesson 8
SPECIAL NOTE: For those who are not obsessed with The Matrix the way I am, you can watch the scene mentioned above here. ♥
Lesson 9: When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body