(no subject)
a synthetichate (10:29:05 PM): there is alot of shit going on in my life and basically you and corey are the only people keeping me from killing myself. you've gotta understand i've never been called beautiful or gorgeous or anything. nppl have told me they've loved me but i've never experienced love. i've never actually said "i love you' and meant it but with you i do. it's sad and stupid but yeah i'd understnd if you don't understand but whatever. things are just really bad for me right now and yes cutting does help
a synthetichate (10:29:53 PM): but i feel a hundred times worse after i do it than before i did it because i broke a promise i made. and it's getting harder with luke being an ass to stop.
Nuggs5 (10:31:47 PM): i do understand up until the point where you say it does help, i have told you i care about you but i am also having a hard time wiht things right now i am just afriad i will get easily agitated and hurt you with words that i dont mean, that is why i havent been very talkative lately.
Nuggs5 (10:32:34 PM): im sorry your having a hard time, i care aout you and love you but im really not sure what kind of love it is, i care about you but i cant pursue a relationship withyou right now
Nuggs5 (10:32:44 PM): you live so far away
a synthetichate (10:32:55 PM): i can't persue a relationship with anyone anyway
Nuggs5 (10:32:56 PM): and i only have 4 years to be a kid
a synthetichate (10:33:13 PM): i wasn't implying that we do
a synthetichate (10:33:20 PM): *bangs her head against her desk*
(*insert the whole cutting routine pouty pout... then crying and getting drunk)
a synthetichate (10:54:22 PM): be glad you don't know what love is. i'm glad i don't because it makes the bad seem bad instead of really bad.
a synthetichate (10:54:29 PM): sorry just has to say that
Nuggs5 (10:54:49 PM): i do know what love is
Nuggs5 (10:55:05 PM): i just havent found all of the classifications
a synthetichate (10:55:54 PM): i don't know what love is. and i'm glad because i don't wanna get hurt. i've thought ppl have loved me and then... poof! they didn't. they not only didn't love me but they didn't care
a synthetichate (10:56:07 PM): that includes my mom. corey basically took care of me
a synthetichate (10:56:46 PM): and i took care of him and yadda yadda yadda my life is such a sob story. but fuck it it'll end eventually
Nuggs5 (10:57:07 PM): i hate that you look at it like that
Nuggs5 (10:57:11 PM): please stop
Nuggs5 (10:57:24 PM): and i care about you
Nuggs5 (10:57:27 PM): i just cant help you
a synthetichate (10:57:29 PM): whoa... huh?
a synthetichate (10:57:37 PM): i don't need help hunni
a synthetichate (10:57:50 PM): that's the thing.i just really don't care
Nuggs5 (10:58:14 PM): well i dont like that
Nuggs5 (10:58:25 PM): it is your life you have control over it somewhat
Nuggs5 (10:58:33 PM): and you look at it like that and it sucks
a synthetichate (10:59:03 PM): i'm alive. i've got a 4.0. i'm going to be valedictorian. i'm going to grow up with a white picket fence. i've got a roof over my head for the time being.
a synthetichate (10:59:08 PM): i'm just cold hehe
a synthetichate (10:59:20 PM): i need clothes before i freeze in this house
a synthetichate (10:59:30 PM): don't like what?
Nuggs5 (10:59:41 PM): how you look at life
Nuggs5 (10:59:51 PM): it isnt some thing that you are supposed to get over twith
Nuggs5 (10:59:54 PM): this is it
a synthetichate (10:59:58 PM): life is what you make it
Nuggs5 (11:00:06 PM): have fun and do it how you want
Nuggs5 (11:00:25 PM): then don tmake it a black whole
a synthetichate (11:00:38 PM): it's not. i swear i'm not trying ot make it that way
a synthetichate (11:00:47 PM): hell at this moment i'm glad i'm talking to someone
a synthetichate (11:01:28 PM): which is sad but i have zero social interaction that would be what society calls acceptable
Nuggs5 (11:02:16 PM): screw society i dont like the way it is
(yadda yadda good bye)
OH MY FUCKING GODDESS. there is no such thing as love. i spilled my heart out and it got tore apart. i'm gonna cry so fucking much when i get drunk. I hate this. i hate liking someone so much it fucking hurts me. he doesn't realise it but i've been cutting because of him. i just wanted to remind myself it isn't as good as i think it is. and guess what? i was right. my life is hell. my life sucks. i hope i die. the end. of everything. of me. of my fucked up distorted existance. i hate it i hate it i hate it. whatever. i hate it i hate it i hate it. god damn everything to hell.
a synthetichate (10:29:53 PM): but i feel a hundred times worse after i do it than before i did it because i broke a promise i made. and it's getting harder with luke being an ass to stop.
Nuggs5 (10:31:47 PM): i do understand up until the point where you say it does help, i have told you i care about you but i am also having a hard time wiht things right now i am just afriad i will get easily agitated and hurt you with words that i dont mean, that is why i havent been very talkative lately.
Nuggs5 (10:32:34 PM): im sorry your having a hard time, i care aout you and love you but im really not sure what kind of love it is, i care about you but i cant pursue a relationship withyou right now
Nuggs5 (10:32:44 PM): you live so far away
a synthetichate (10:32:55 PM): i can't persue a relationship with anyone anyway
Nuggs5 (10:32:56 PM): and i only have 4 years to be a kid
a synthetichate (10:33:13 PM): i wasn't implying that we do
a synthetichate (10:33:20 PM): *bangs her head against her desk*
(*insert the whole cutting routine pouty pout... then crying and getting drunk)
a synthetichate (10:54:22 PM): be glad you don't know what love is. i'm glad i don't because it makes the bad seem bad instead of really bad.
a synthetichate (10:54:29 PM): sorry just has to say that
Nuggs5 (10:54:49 PM): i do know what love is
Nuggs5 (10:55:05 PM): i just havent found all of the classifications
a synthetichate (10:55:54 PM): i don't know what love is. and i'm glad because i don't wanna get hurt. i've thought ppl have loved me and then... poof! they didn't. they not only didn't love me but they didn't care
a synthetichate (10:56:07 PM): that includes my mom. corey basically took care of me
a synthetichate (10:56:46 PM): and i took care of him and yadda yadda yadda my life is such a sob story. but fuck it it'll end eventually
Nuggs5 (10:57:07 PM): i hate that you look at it like that
Nuggs5 (10:57:11 PM): please stop
Nuggs5 (10:57:24 PM): and i care about you
Nuggs5 (10:57:27 PM): i just cant help you
a synthetichate (10:57:29 PM): whoa... huh?
a synthetichate (10:57:37 PM): i don't need help hunni
a synthetichate (10:57:50 PM): that's the thing.i just really don't care
Nuggs5 (10:58:14 PM): well i dont like that
Nuggs5 (10:58:25 PM): it is your life you have control over it somewhat
Nuggs5 (10:58:33 PM): and you look at it like that and it sucks
a synthetichate (10:59:03 PM): i'm alive. i've got a 4.0. i'm going to be valedictorian. i'm going to grow up with a white picket fence. i've got a roof over my head for the time being.
a synthetichate (10:59:08 PM): i'm just cold hehe
a synthetichate (10:59:20 PM): i need clothes before i freeze in this house
a synthetichate (10:59:30 PM): don't like what?
Nuggs5 (10:59:41 PM): how you look at life
Nuggs5 (10:59:51 PM): it isnt some thing that you are supposed to get over twith
Nuggs5 (10:59:54 PM): this is it
a synthetichate (10:59:58 PM): life is what you make it
Nuggs5 (11:00:06 PM): have fun and do it how you want
Nuggs5 (11:00:25 PM): then don tmake it a black whole
a synthetichate (11:00:38 PM): it's not. i swear i'm not trying ot make it that way
a synthetichate (11:00:47 PM): hell at this moment i'm glad i'm talking to someone
a synthetichate (11:01:28 PM): which is sad but i have zero social interaction that would be what society calls acceptable
Nuggs5 (11:02:16 PM): screw society i dont like the way it is
(yadda yadda good bye)
OH MY FUCKING GODDESS. there is no such thing as love. i spilled my heart out and it got tore apart. i'm gonna cry so fucking much when i get drunk. I hate this. i hate liking someone so much it fucking hurts me. he doesn't realise it but i've been cutting because of him. i just wanted to remind myself it isn't as good as i think it is. and guess what? i was right. my life is hell. my life sucks. i hope i die. the end. of everything. of me. of my fucked up distorted existance. i hate it i hate it i hate it. whatever. i hate it i hate it i hate it. god damn everything to hell.