My brain hurts
- Warning if you are unable to handle 'angst, drama, rants' at this moment do not read past the first paragraph -
This likely will be a rant. I have created a specific filter for any further 'rants'. Basically what this means is that there will be excessive emotional expression. This will be the only post I make not on that filter. If you feel you can't handle this right now. please skip over this post. Also, if you feel you can deal with this kind of thing showing up on your list and may be able to help, please leave in the comments you wish to be added to this filter. It is -just fine- if you feel you can't because I sure know I can't handle other peoples rants/venting myself these days, allthough I used to be quite good at helping with them. (Rant filter idea can be credited to Autumnfox as he has one of his own.)
Apologies in advance.
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You know guys, I can't even descibe to you how intencly frustrating life is for me right now. It's like I am totally fucked at this point no matter what the hell I do. I left my old job for a damn fucking good reason. This was to prevent myself from having yet another nervous breakdown. I know very well what i can handle and what I can't (usually). All because some fucking peon pulled the wool over everyones eyes and decided he would fucking flip any single time any little shit went wrong at work. I and everyone else that helped in the warehouse got shit from this guy. He was some 20 yo little shit who didn't care about anyone but himself and covering his own ass when there was nothing to worry about.
You might wonder why someone might do that. Well he never gave anyone a chance to finish what they were telling him so 9 times out of 10 he was going off on absolutly nothing.
This affected me for a long time and added up to the same shit I was told time and time again at target. 'No matter how good you do or how hard you work it isn't good eneough'.
Everyone loved to tell me "Oh well just don't let him bother you.". Now, what the fuck kinda bullshit advice is that? "He's young, consider the source." BULLSHIT! This is no excuse for this kind of behavior. The company president kept trying to give everyone room to BE HUMAN. We are fallible, we make mistakes.. I sure as hell know I do!
Of cource he had the boss so damn snowballed, by the time I placed my 4th complaint, well, he wasn't believing me! fucking WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
So what, I get to give up the BEST fucking job I had to save my damn sanity?!?!? Now my family and I are up shit damn creek. 4 days after that bullshit, and I resigned what happens.... Oh 4 fucking POS jock ass fucking tourists beat my fucking brother BLOODY. He now has his jaw wired shut, can't eat solid foods and the very next damn day he was going out on a job interveiw. he's been out of work forever....
The anger, fear and frustration has been building for a very long time, so of cource even before I resigned I managed to alienate most people online I came into contact with. I have been pushing everyone in the world away from me, of cource at the slightest hint of... anything that 'might' cause me internal harm.
I was -just damn fine- before this asshole at my ex-job broke me down. Every time I had it to the point I could handle him and it he'd just keep up his bullshit -knowing- how it affected me. I went from 10/hr to 13.25/hr within a year, learned 75% of the company. I was one of the most valuable people there, yet everyone turned their backs on me and decided he was right, save for 2 people... the ones that knew balls to bones he was full of it and himself. (One was a furry I helped get a job there)
So I went from the top to the bottom. The truth is that i sent a very strong message to myself by doing everything I possibly could, especially filing those complaints. I felt more confident and more self assured and internally strong than I have ever been in my life. But at the same time I have to deal with the emotional fallout of it all at the same time. So I am just see-sawwing back and forth. AC did me a world of good, but all my friends got to see me doing great half the time and half out of my mind the rest, so of cource now I am pretty much convinced everyone thinks I'm some crazed idiot... why? Well since I, for the last 4 years have stayed well away from everyone due to my last nervous breakdown (right before, yes, MFF 2001 in which I was its Programming Director). Didn't want anyone to see me or hear from me like that... so this was so out of the blue beyond.... well..
So there you go, and not only that, we are literally broke... all of us. If this stupid deffered payment doesn't go through (had to re-fax the request today because some idiot at the finance company didn't do their job or considered office communication as not part of their job, unlike me who always gave everyone faxes at my job no matter what) we will not be eating. My bills might just go unpaid this month and i get even MORE late payment charges. (My bank screwed up closing my account so one of my credit cards has charges up the ass which I now have to pay. Thanks to TheWolf paypalling me 100 bux I have almost all of the money for that BS now)
So its ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL fucked up. I'm not taking it one day at a time now.. It's down to one minute at a time with me blasting my music right now because my brain no doubt will soon implode.
So, thats that. Hope you all are having a better time than I am right now because not only do I have to deal with my own... my dad is disabled so he can't handle anything, my mom is goig quite deaf so she can't handle anything over the phone. My brothers mouth is wired shut now so neither can he.... so who gets to do it all now... Well fuck it's dependable old fucking Bounder that gets to carry the wieght!
fuck this shit. All I want to do is leave this POS town. Vegas sucks, the people don't give a fuck, most of the furs out her are so bloody flakey... my ex-best fur friend just makes excuses why he doesn't want to drive down the stupid block just to come see me. (he spent 10 minutes making every excuse not to do what he was gonna do and was going to ask me to go have a drink with him. he drives me nuts)
I almost wish i was over in Iraq, at least then I could be ready to fuck someone elses shit up that deserved it. Hell I wish I would have decked that asshole at work, cause guess what Vegas' policy on physical attacks is? Oh if someone harasses you you can beat them bloody and the cops won't care! How do I know this? Those 4 jock fuckers said that my brother called one of them 'a fag' and 'made fun of their clothing' which he DID NOT DO. he is not even like that.
Heh aint that just terrific.
This likely will be a rant. I have created a specific filter for any further 'rants'. Basically what this means is that there will be excessive emotional expression. This will be the only post I make not on that filter. If you feel you can't handle this right now. please skip over this post. Also, if you feel you can deal with this kind of thing showing up on your list and may be able to help, please leave in the comments you wish to be added to this filter. It is -just fine- if you feel you can't because I sure know I can't handle other peoples rants/venting myself these days, allthough I used to be quite good at helping with them. (Rant filter idea can be credited to Autumnfox as he has one of his own.)
Apologies in advance.
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RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT
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You know guys, I can't even descibe to you how intencly frustrating life is for me right now. It's like I am totally fucked at this point no matter what the hell I do. I left my old job for a damn fucking good reason. This was to prevent myself from having yet another nervous breakdown. I know very well what i can handle and what I can't (usually). All because some fucking peon pulled the wool over everyones eyes and decided he would fucking flip any single time any little shit went wrong at work. I and everyone else that helped in the warehouse got shit from this guy. He was some 20 yo little shit who didn't care about anyone but himself and covering his own ass when there was nothing to worry about.
You might wonder why someone might do that. Well he never gave anyone a chance to finish what they were telling him so 9 times out of 10 he was going off on absolutly nothing.
This affected me for a long time and added up to the same shit I was told time and time again at target. 'No matter how good you do or how hard you work it isn't good eneough'.
Everyone loved to tell me "Oh well just don't let him bother you.". Now, what the fuck kinda bullshit advice is that? "He's young, consider the source." BULLSHIT! This is no excuse for this kind of behavior. The company president kept trying to give everyone room to BE HUMAN. We are fallible, we make mistakes.. I sure as hell know I do!
Of cource he had the boss so damn snowballed, by the time I placed my 4th complaint, well, he wasn't believing me! fucking WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
So what, I get to give up the BEST fucking job I had to save my damn sanity?!?!? Now my family and I are up shit damn creek. 4 days after that bullshit, and I resigned what happens.... Oh 4 fucking POS jock ass fucking tourists beat my fucking brother BLOODY. He now has his jaw wired shut, can't eat solid foods and the very next damn day he was going out on a job interveiw. he's been out of work forever....
The anger, fear and frustration has been building for a very long time, so of cource even before I resigned I managed to alienate most people online I came into contact with. I have been pushing everyone in the world away from me, of cource at the slightest hint of... anything that 'might' cause me internal harm.
I was -just damn fine- before this asshole at my ex-job broke me down. Every time I had it to the point I could handle him and it he'd just keep up his bullshit -knowing- how it affected me. I went from 10/hr to 13.25/hr within a year, learned 75% of the company. I was one of the most valuable people there, yet everyone turned their backs on me and decided he was right, save for 2 people... the ones that knew balls to bones he was full of it and himself. (One was a furry I helped get a job there)
So I went from the top to the bottom. The truth is that i sent a very strong message to myself by doing everything I possibly could, especially filing those complaints. I felt more confident and more self assured and internally strong than I have ever been in my life. But at the same time I have to deal with the emotional fallout of it all at the same time. So I am just see-sawwing back and forth. AC did me a world of good, but all my friends got to see me doing great half the time and half out of my mind the rest, so of cource now I am pretty much convinced everyone thinks I'm some crazed idiot... why? Well since I, for the last 4 years have stayed well away from everyone due to my last nervous breakdown (right before, yes, MFF 2001 in which I was its Programming Director). Didn't want anyone to see me or hear from me like that... so this was so out of the blue beyond.... well..
So there you go, and not only that, we are literally broke... all of us. If this stupid deffered payment doesn't go through (had to re-fax the request today because some idiot at the finance company didn't do their job or considered office communication as not part of their job, unlike me who always gave everyone faxes at my job no matter what) we will not be eating. My bills might just go unpaid this month and i get even MORE late payment charges. (My bank screwed up closing my account so one of my credit cards has charges up the ass which I now have to pay. Thanks to TheWolf paypalling me 100 bux I have almost all of the money for that BS now)
So its ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL fucked up. I'm not taking it one day at a time now.. It's down to one minute at a time with me blasting my music right now because my brain no doubt will soon implode.
So, thats that. Hope you all are having a better time than I am right now because not only do I have to deal with my own... my dad is disabled so he can't handle anything, my mom is goig quite deaf so she can't handle anything over the phone. My brothers mouth is wired shut now so neither can he.... so who gets to do it all now... Well fuck it's dependable old fucking Bounder that gets to carry the wieght!
fuck this shit. All I want to do is leave this POS town. Vegas sucks, the people don't give a fuck, most of the furs out her are so bloody flakey... my ex-best fur friend just makes excuses why he doesn't want to drive down the stupid block just to come see me. (he spent 10 minutes making every excuse not to do what he was gonna do and was going to ask me to go have a drink with him. he drives me nuts)
I almost wish i was over in Iraq, at least then I could be ready to fuck someone elses shit up that deserved it. Hell I wish I would have decked that asshole at work, cause guess what Vegas' policy on physical attacks is? Oh if someone harasses you you can beat them bloody and the cops won't care! How do I know this? Those 4 jock fuckers said that my brother called one of them 'a fag' and 'made fun of their clothing' which he DID NOT DO. he is not even like that.
Heh aint that just terrific.