(no subject)
I'm.
So.
Lonely.
I thank God for my family.
And for my friends.
And for my team.
And especially for Naomi.
But God knows how lonely I am... wandering the streets at 1 in the morning... driving down to Marsh at the wee hours of the night... hoping maybe just to see someone I know, and talk, and be with them.
It's not the day, at all. I spent all day with friends and family who I love and who love me back.
But at night.
At home.
Alone.
Even my family, all asleep, like normal people are.
And I, wandering the house, cold.
Walking outside, humid.
Watching the stars...
Veiled behind the dark and ugly clouds.
I come in and listen to my own fingers playing an instrument I couldn't possibly imagine being without.
And they play again, on another sort of keyboard... so equally intertwined with my expressiveness.
A relaxing sound, it is- typing.
But my music is haunting.
It shows sadness... bitterness...
It has no hope.
And God knows I wish that music hadn't come from MY soul.
Death.
Of course.
Me?
Of course, sooner or later.
Am I drained?
Yes.
I'm wiped. I'm exhausted.
It's all catching up, so fast.
School is gone.
SCHOOL IS GONE.
I'm free of at least one burden.
And now, it comes to work and SLO.
God knows SLO is where I relax.
Work.
I wonder if we'll really move to Greenwood.
I can find a new job, and just...
...try again.
Try not to be adored.
Try not to be the center of it all.
Try so hard.
And my other half will fight so equally hard for its right to be seen, to be heard, to be loved.
I'm bitter because I have a name.
And I'm still so lonely at nights.
I know God is here.
So.
Lonely.
I thank God for my family.
And for my friends.
And for my team.
And especially for Naomi.
But God knows how lonely I am... wandering the streets at 1 in the morning... driving down to Marsh at the wee hours of the night... hoping maybe just to see someone I know, and talk, and be with them.
It's not the day, at all. I spent all day with friends and family who I love and who love me back.
But at night.
At home.
Alone.
Even my family, all asleep, like normal people are.
And I, wandering the house, cold.
Walking outside, humid.
Watching the stars...
Veiled behind the dark and ugly clouds.
I come in and listen to my own fingers playing an instrument I couldn't possibly imagine being without.
And they play again, on another sort of keyboard... so equally intertwined with my expressiveness.
A relaxing sound, it is- typing.
But my music is haunting.
It shows sadness... bitterness...
It has no hope.
And God knows I wish that music hadn't come from MY soul.
Death.
Of course.
Me?
Of course, sooner or later.
Am I drained?
Yes.
I'm wiped. I'm exhausted.
It's all catching up, so fast.
School is gone.
SCHOOL IS GONE.
I'm free of at least one burden.
And now, it comes to work and SLO.
God knows SLO is where I relax.
Work.
I wonder if we'll really move to Greenwood.
I can find a new job, and just...
...try again.
Try not to be adored.
Try not to be the center of it all.
Try so hard.
And my other half will fight so equally hard for its right to be seen, to be heard, to be loved.
I'm bitter because I have a name.
And I'm still so lonely at nights.
I know God is here.