harder days....
I wrote this the other night, after coming home from work.
8:45 p.m. 10 July 2006
It's hardest when I'm all alone, lying in bed, and the want of some comfort from home, and it is unreachable because that side of the World is already asleep. So while I sit here (in bed) writing I start to cry. The craving for something familiar searing through my chest.
It is not that the people who are taking care that I have a place to stay this week aren't generous, and sociable, and they even invited me out for drinks tomorrow night. Yet I still feel this sense of loneliness, this craving for familiarity.
It's times like these that beg me to question my independence----how truly independent I really am. I can barely stand one night away from T, let alone facing the rest of the week. It's not that I can't....it's just that it's so hard....when he's my primary source of unconditional love and support. I don't even get that all the time back in the States. It makes me feel useless and see it as some sort of weakness on my part. He says I'm, "too hard" myself. Maybe I am.
I've tried to stay strong through all of these experiences and changes since coming to NZ. Yet, all I want to do at the moment is lay in bed and sob, and maybe that's what I need to do right now.
8:45 p.m. 10 July 2006
It's hardest when I'm all alone, lying in bed, and the want of some comfort from home, and it is unreachable because that side of the World is already asleep. So while I sit here (in bed) writing I start to cry. The craving for something familiar searing through my chest.
It is not that the people who are taking care that I have a place to stay this week aren't generous, and sociable, and they even invited me out for drinks tomorrow night. Yet I still feel this sense of loneliness, this craving for familiarity.
It's times like these that beg me to question my independence----how truly independent I really am. I can barely stand one night away from T, let alone facing the rest of the week. It's not that I can't....it's just that it's so hard....when he's my primary source of unconditional love and support. I don't even get that all the time back in the States. It makes me feel useless and see it as some sort of weakness on my part. He says I'm, "too hard" myself. Maybe I am.
I've tried to stay strong through all of these experiences and changes since coming to NZ. Yet, all I want to do at the moment is lay in bed and sob, and maybe that's what I need to do right now.