saturday night fever
although this is a bit belated, i need to explain my saturday night because it was pretty incredible.
it all started when collin and i drove to long beach to meet up with heather and waj. we picked them up (they were at wasabi's, a japanese restaurant/bar/club, for one of waj's friend's birthdays) and went back to heather's to drop off our slumber party gear, then attempted to find parking in downtown long beach. for anyone who knows the area, add 9pm on a saturday night into the mix and i'm sure that you will agree that it's an exercise in futility. once we snagged a spot, we began the i-don't-even-know-how-many mile trek back to wasabi's, only to find that the people they had come with were leaving. we did, however, get to experience an older middle-eastern man freak (as freakily as one can freak) a questionably female -- though definitely younger -- asian partner, while an equally freaky black woman decided to join in the fun. it made me proud to know that such a multicultural encounter could involve so much love, with the entire restaurant staring gap-mouthed, no less.
needless to say, this was going to be a good night, though everyone was drunk at this point and collin and i were painfully sober. so, we took the party across the street to smooth's, another type of restaurant/bar/club. now, anyone who knows me knows that i typically hate this environment. first of all, any dancing that i enjoy is the goofy, playful dancing that can never, ever come from top 40 remixes. give me some bowie or costello (even depeche mode, for that matter) and watch me go, but once i hear a black-eyed peas remix, things start to get way too serious and i am immediately reminded of my whiteness.
this all had a point... ah, yes. smooth's. let's just say that my hopes of any goofiness were not going to be accepted in such a place. these people take their dancing seriously. so, in order to avoid any impromptu dance-off challenges (one must be careful of such dangers in an environment like this), i took my double vodka soda (i had to catch up!) and sat quietly on one of the booth/benches with heather, collin, and waj. these booths face the dance floor, creating a perfect people-watching setting without appearing too creepy.
i'm not even sure how to articulate what we witnessed during the next 45 minutes, but here goes:
at first, there were only two people on the floor, a guy and a girl. the dancing was a bit awkward, probably because everyone was looking at them, but you could tell they had moves. they moved around the floor a bit, the girl giggling over her shoulder every now and then to her friends, hoping they would join them. but the guy, this guy was getting restless. he wanted to DANCE. so he got a little more aggressive: a grind here, a bump there, you know, testing the waters. but the girl was only half-interested. at this point another girl joined them on the floor, but she was just fucking weird. i wish i had a more descriptive word, but it's the only one that comes to mind. just as you thought she had rhythm, she would make some jerky motion with her upper body that just screamed stiffness. she was totally unaware of how horrible she looked, grinding away with seizure-like movements.
this pissed the guy off. it was a judgment on him (ha, i have faulkner on the mind. pat on the back if you can place that reference) because he shouldn't have allowed himself to play a part in this dance mockery. it was like a homophobic man who inadvertently hits on a transvestite, then needs to screw a women as soon as possible in order to re-estabish his manhood -- this guy needed to re-establish he dance prowess (and sexual appeal, i'm sure).
at this moment, a young, hot thing walked up. i'm pretty sure that he knew her (at least, i hope) because he zoned in right away. he grabbed her by the waist as they began to freak (such a good word, by the way), but that wasn't enough for him, so he sat her down on the booth -- about an ass length away from heather and myself -- and proceeded to give her a lap dance. this was not your average lap dance; this was a straight up African tribal, arms in the air, feet moving manically, 50 humps-per-minute lap dance. the booth was vibrating with such vigor that I had to lift my butt off of the seat for fear of stimulation. then, THEN, he turned around, positioned himself into a hand stand, and, with legs in the air, started humping his way back to her until we was giving her an UPSIDE DOWN LAP DANCE, manically gyrating ass in the air, legs clenched vice-like around her waist. that was the moment that heather and i almost peed our pants. you might be asking yourself such questions as: "can such a dance be sexy?"; "did the other people at the club find this strange, or even worth a second glance?"; "did the girl seem to mind that she was on the receiving end of some seriously brutal and public dry humping?". the answer to all of these is a resounding NO. it seemed as though heather and myself were the only ones who found this to be one of the greatest sights ever known to man. and, i mean, this guy had talent and stamina, but not the kind i would ever want in my bed. i'm all for a little experimentation in the bedroom, but i think i'd have to draw the line at this handstand position. it's completely unncesseary, which makes it hilarious. i'd be laughing mid-hump.
it all started when collin and i drove to long beach to meet up with heather and waj. we picked them up (they were at wasabi's, a japanese restaurant/bar/club, for one of waj's friend's birthdays) and went back to heather's to drop off our slumber party gear, then attempted to find parking in downtown long beach. for anyone who knows the area, add 9pm on a saturday night into the mix and i'm sure that you will agree that it's an exercise in futility. once we snagged a spot, we began the i-don't-even-know-how-many mile trek back to wasabi's, only to find that the people they had come with were leaving. we did, however, get to experience an older middle-eastern man freak (as freakily as one can freak) a questionably female -- though definitely younger -- asian partner, while an equally freaky black woman decided to join in the fun. it made me proud to know that such a multicultural encounter could involve so much love, with the entire restaurant staring gap-mouthed, no less.
needless to say, this was going to be a good night, though everyone was drunk at this point and collin and i were painfully sober. so, we took the party across the street to smooth's, another type of restaurant/bar/club. now, anyone who knows me knows that i typically hate this environment. first of all, any dancing that i enjoy is the goofy, playful dancing that can never, ever come from top 40 remixes. give me some bowie or costello (even depeche mode, for that matter) and watch me go, but once i hear a black-eyed peas remix, things start to get way too serious and i am immediately reminded of my whiteness.
this all had a point... ah, yes. smooth's. let's just say that my hopes of any goofiness were not going to be accepted in such a place. these people take their dancing seriously. so, in order to avoid any impromptu dance-off challenges (one must be careful of such dangers in an environment like this), i took my double vodka soda (i had to catch up!) and sat quietly on one of the booth/benches with heather, collin, and waj. these booths face the dance floor, creating a perfect people-watching setting without appearing too creepy.
i'm not even sure how to articulate what we witnessed during the next 45 minutes, but here goes:
at first, there were only two people on the floor, a guy and a girl. the dancing was a bit awkward, probably because everyone was looking at them, but you could tell they had moves. they moved around the floor a bit, the girl giggling over her shoulder every now and then to her friends, hoping they would join them. but the guy, this guy was getting restless. he wanted to DANCE. so he got a little more aggressive: a grind here, a bump there, you know, testing the waters. but the girl was only half-interested. at this point another girl joined them on the floor, but she was just fucking weird. i wish i had a more descriptive word, but it's the only one that comes to mind. just as you thought she had rhythm, she would make some jerky motion with her upper body that just screamed stiffness. she was totally unaware of how horrible she looked, grinding away with seizure-like movements.
this pissed the guy off. it was a judgment on him (ha, i have faulkner on the mind. pat on the back if you can place that reference) because he shouldn't have allowed himself to play a part in this dance mockery. it was like a homophobic man who inadvertently hits on a transvestite, then needs to screw a women as soon as possible in order to re-estabish his manhood -- this guy needed to re-establish he dance prowess (and sexual appeal, i'm sure).
at this moment, a young, hot thing walked up. i'm pretty sure that he knew her (at least, i hope) because he zoned in right away. he grabbed her by the waist as they began to freak (such a good word, by the way), but that wasn't enough for him, so he sat her down on the booth -- about an ass length away from heather and myself -- and proceeded to give her a lap dance. this was not your average lap dance; this was a straight up African tribal, arms in the air, feet moving manically, 50 humps-per-minute lap dance. the booth was vibrating with such vigor that I had to lift my butt off of the seat for fear of stimulation. then, THEN, he turned around, positioned himself into a hand stand, and, with legs in the air, started humping his way back to her until we was giving her an UPSIDE DOWN LAP DANCE, manically gyrating ass in the air, legs clenched vice-like around her waist. that was the moment that heather and i almost peed our pants. you might be asking yourself such questions as: "can such a dance be sexy?"; "did the other people at the club find this strange, or even worth a second glance?"; "did the girl seem to mind that she was on the receiving end of some seriously brutal and public dry humping?". the answer to all of these is a resounding NO. it seemed as though heather and myself were the only ones who found this to be one of the greatest sights ever known to man. and, i mean, this guy had talent and stamina, but not the kind i would ever want in my bed. i'm all for a little experimentation in the bedroom, but i think i'd have to draw the line at this handstand position. it's completely unncesseary, which makes it hilarious. i'd be laughing mid-hump.