strange
im starting to wonder if misery is indeed a blood toxin... it seems that everytime i gross exercise my liver i feel a lot better the next day... well after i am done feeling like shit that is. who knows maybe one day they will figure that one out. i refuse to believe that making retarded drunken updates on the internet journal that was designed and implemented by satan to ruin my marriage is going to help me feel better... 1 because i dont think god or the devil would allow that and 2 i really loathe opening up to people. i have come to reallize that there are only 2 types of people that i would really be honest with... the first being someone i really trust. examples chris (known him since i was 9), dick (known him my entire life), my brother, marty, my parents (though not my entire family). the second type are the people that i know no matter what i tell them they really dont have any connection to my life to make it come back around on me. i mean they can tell there friends but i probably dont like or care what there friends think of me so it really doesnt fucking matter. honestly though... i mean brutally honest... i dont know why i care what people think. it seems that everytime i have managed to do good things in my life was when i really didnt give a shit about failing, or anything for that matter. oh yeah something really funny... today a couple of my co workers (people appointed over me) were looking at this suicide prevention thing... it gave 10 signs of a "potential suicide risk". i had 9 of them. this is funny to me because i was able to look over it and tell them not to worry for one simple reason. the one sign i didnt have was "starts giving away personal effects". yeah thats not gonna fuckin happen. im not giving shit away. so i told them that when i walk in to the office and actually let someone borrow money from me and then throw someone else my car keys thats when its time to worry but until then i think my retarded ass may very well be ok. on other buisness though i dont think i have ants... everyone who has been to my house so far is yet to see a carpenter ant... and frankly the only time i see them is when i am either really depressed and crazy or when i am horribly drunk and medicated... oh yeah and they keep getting bigger. so i am starting to think that they are just a physical embodiment of my craziness. because like last night i was walking around my house just killing the damn things like crazy and i am yet to see one today. i mean logically there is no way i killed them all. awwwww life is funny.