Trudging the road to happy destiny
Hi There,
Woo-hoo! i got my first response on the journal...thanks, karen! this is a trip doing this journal thang.
so, i went to my counseling appointment yesterday and we delved into the parental issue. i have a lot of work to do before norway. one of the things that is becoming clear is that i still feel like a little girl around them. did anyone see lisa marie and pricilla presley on oprah the other day. she regressed to a teenager the minute her mother came out. i am 10 years younger than my only sister who i am literally the baby. and, i feel very alone in this family. everyone has their drug/alcohol issues and i feel like i'm out on a limb by myself since i got sober 6 1/2 years ago. my therapist said she found it interesting that i seem to look at myself as the unnormal one, the one that is not part-of the family and the one that is different. yet, here i am the one that has a stable job, owns a home, is raising 2 successful teenage boys on my own and i'm thinking i'm the not normal one. to me, that's true. when you're raised in an alcoholic home with people that associate with other drinking people you believe that everyone lives that way. that's why i so naturally followed in their footsteps. but, i'm not doing that anymore and am living a healthy life. i know that i need to face my fears and let them know what it is like for me and decide what i am going to do to take care of myself when they are indulging in their addictions. i need to not be around it so that means i need to set some boundaries. the thought of that is nearly terrifying! i am so scared to stick up for myself with them. i act like i don't deserve it. i need to work towards a place where i can feel deservant and get to a place where i can do what i need to to. i am fully aware that i can't change them. the only person i can change is myself. it means walking thru the fears. oh geez, isn't growth fun?
Woo-hoo! i got my first response on the journal...thanks, karen! this is a trip doing this journal thang.
so, i went to my counseling appointment yesterday and we delved into the parental issue. i have a lot of work to do before norway. one of the things that is becoming clear is that i still feel like a little girl around them. did anyone see lisa marie and pricilla presley on oprah the other day. she regressed to a teenager the minute her mother came out. i am 10 years younger than my only sister who i am literally the baby. and, i feel very alone in this family. everyone has their drug/alcohol issues and i feel like i'm out on a limb by myself since i got sober 6 1/2 years ago. my therapist said she found it interesting that i seem to look at myself as the unnormal one, the one that is not part-of the family and the one that is different. yet, here i am the one that has a stable job, owns a home, is raising 2 successful teenage boys on my own and i'm thinking i'm the not normal one. to me, that's true. when you're raised in an alcoholic home with people that associate with other drinking people you believe that everyone lives that way. that's why i so naturally followed in their footsteps. but, i'm not doing that anymore and am living a healthy life. i know that i need to face my fears and let them know what it is like for me and decide what i am going to do to take care of myself when they are indulging in their addictions. i need to not be around it so that means i need to set some boundaries. the thought of that is nearly terrifying! i am so scared to stick up for myself with them. i act like i don't deserve it. i need to work towards a place where i can feel deservant and get to a place where i can do what i need to to. i am fully aware that i can't change them. the only person i can change is myself. it means walking thru the fears. oh geez, isn't growth fun?