I just need to write this out...
So I knit now and I cook. And I dream of white picket fences and babies and a husband that loves me. And I have absolutely no idea what happened to that independent girl I used to be. I've lost myself so completely in him I don't know how to get back. I was reading over old journal entries and it seems like a different life, a strange dream I had long ago. Did I really live in San Francisco? Was I really independent and happy? Maybe I always wanted someone to complete me, maybe I just couldn't admit it. But now that I have found him, can I ever go back to the way I was before? Can I kid myself into believing that I don't need him, that I will be fine without him? God I just wish I still had my own goals, my own dreams. It scares me how wrapped up I am in him. It makes me so sad to think of my old life because I have no idea how I got to this place. I've become the girl I always used to pity. A girl who chases after the boy, a girl with no identity of her own. I so want my identity back, the problem is i'm not sure where I left it. And how can one get something back if it's lost?