Rant
i'm having a bad hair day. and a bad clothes day. work, i dont mind, its going well, and so is the rest of my home life, but hair and clothes suck today and have had for quite some time.
i tried flat ironing my hair this morning and it didnt want to do anything, so i finally wet it down, gelled it and figured i'd go wavy/curly for the day. as it dried it goes frizzy. too much gel? not enough? too much conditioner? not enough? i dunno. i'm tired of trying to figure it out.
go upstairs to get dressed for work and have a freak out. i end up dumping 4 shirts and about 6 tshirts into a pile for the thrift store. nothlng fits me anymore! its either too short in the sleeves (and so i bought it why? cause there was nothing else to buy and i 'needed' a shirt), or its too large and since i cant seem to tuck a shirt in anymore (too big around the middle), i cant let it hang out loose as it looks like a sack. the other one is nipped in at the waist... terrible look for someone with hips larger than their waist actually... and too short to tuck in to the pants. If its not the wronng size, it doesnt 'fit' me any more in terms of style. Most of what i have suited my long hair, my blonder hair. there was contrast between the blond streaks and the brown shirt. Not any more. Short hair and a tailored shirt dont go unless you actually have some kind of style and at this point my hair is just 'there'. a short curly wavy fuzzy blob on top of my head.
so, back to wearing tshirts to the office. i can only imagine my boss is perhaps getting tired of seeing me in jeans, tshirt and chuck shoes.
i figured it out further... i'm having a hard time discovering who i am. i'm not the old me. i'll never be the old me. i doubt very much if i;'ll ever grow my hair long again, and if its short, streaks are a waste of time and money as they're gonna grow out in a month or less and look like shit and i dont feel like paying big bucks for the upkeep. so i need to discover who i am now. short hair is fine, and its been 'fun' to try new styles and such (not that much fun actually), but i'm to the point that i want to be me. i want to look in the mirror and know what i'm going to look like from day to day. i need a style that i can keep for awhile and that suits me and ' is ' me if that makes any sense? (i think i'd hate to be a model and have people forever cutting and coloring my hair and dressing me up and down, punk and preppy... you'd forget who 'you' are).
i dunnno. my identity shouldnt be tied up in hair and clothes, but really, on one level thats exactly what it is. i'm tired of not knowing who i am yet.
i tried flat ironing my hair this morning and it didnt want to do anything, so i finally wet it down, gelled it and figured i'd go wavy/curly for the day. as it dried it goes frizzy. too much gel? not enough? too much conditioner? not enough? i dunno. i'm tired of trying to figure it out.
go upstairs to get dressed for work and have a freak out. i end up dumping 4 shirts and about 6 tshirts into a pile for the thrift store. nothlng fits me anymore! its either too short in the sleeves (and so i bought it why? cause there was nothing else to buy and i 'needed' a shirt), or its too large and since i cant seem to tuck a shirt in anymore (too big around the middle), i cant let it hang out loose as it looks like a sack. the other one is nipped in at the waist... terrible look for someone with hips larger than their waist actually... and too short to tuck in to the pants. If its not the wronng size, it doesnt 'fit' me any more in terms of style. Most of what i have suited my long hair, my blonder hair. there was contrast between the blond streaks and the brown shirt. Not any more. Short hair and a tailored shirt dont go unless you actually have some kind of style and at this point my hair is just 'there'. a short curly wavy fuzzy blob on top of my head.
so, back to wearing tshirts to the office. i can only imagine my boss is perhaps getting tired of seeing me in jeans, tshirt and chuck shoes.
i figured it out further... i'm having a hard time discovering who i am. i'm not the old me. i'll never be the old me. i doubt very much if i;'ll ever grow my hair long again, and if its short, streaks are a waste of time and money as they're gonna grow out in a month or less and look like shit and i dont feel like paying big bucks for the upkeep. so i need to discover who i am now. short hair is fine, and its been 'fun' to try new styles and such (not that much fun actually), but i'm to the point that i want to be me. i want to look in the mirror and know what i'm going to look like from day to day. i need a style that i can keep for awhile and that suits me and ' is ' me if that makes any sense? (i think i'd hate to be a model and have people forever cutting and coloring my hair and dressing me up and down, punk and preppy... you'd forget who 'you' are).
i dunnno. my identity shouldnt be tied up in hair and clothes, but really, on one level thats exactly what it is. i'm tired of not knowing who i am yet.