4 days of rambling.......
There is so much going through my mind I really don't know what to write. There is so much that is going in my life, and then there is not so much going on. I think that makes sense in a way. Right now I am really worried about some one in my family. I will not comment as to who, since I know the said person would like to keep it quiet. I am just really worried. My family is survivors when it comes to certain things.
I wonder why at times I put so much about my life online? I know it is an outlet for me. However it just seems so much easier for me to be open with people if I do put it out there. I know some people have commented about my moaning, bitching, and negative writings. Well I am sorry. Don't read it then. It pisses me off when people tell me I am so negative, but yet they don't offer anything encouraging to say. Lately I think I have been kind of in the middle. I really haven't been down; but neither I have been really up. I know lately I tend to go back and forth from being in a good mood to bad or neagtive mood. Oh well. I guess you can say I have been mellow for the most part.
The last few weeks I have been wondering about certain stuff. Like being married, having a family stuff like that. I am almost 30 years old now. Or will be in January. I know a lot of people that are my age range that are married, and have been married. As for me, I have not. I cam close to actually proposing to some one, but it never happened. I guess in a way it was probably the best for both of us. Because in the long run it most likely never would of worked out. If we couldn't make it work after 4 1/2 years of dating, it would of never worked if we had gotten married. I wonder what it is like to be with some one you love the rest of your llife? I wonder what it is like to be commited to just one person? I wonder what it is like to raise a family?
At times I swore I would not have kids. A freind of the family hit me up, wondering when I was going to make my dad a grandfather? I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and offered a I don't know comment. I think if I found the right person to be with, I could see myself becoming a parent. I know there are several friends of mine, and I always enjoyed being around their kids. In a way I can relate to kids because I still act like one at times. I know they always remarked how I behave myself for the most part around them, and how I tend to make them comfortable around me. Those that have seen me around kids always comment on how I would make a great father. I am not sure of that. I guess only time will tell. However at times I really get nervous being around kids too. I am afraid I might hurt them or say something wrong.
I wonder if there is some one out there for me? Over the last few months and really few weeks I have been doing serious thinking. Yes I know my head does hurt! LOL! Maybe instead of being so set on finding some one with the exact interest that I have, is look out side that box. I mean if you look at my past the majority of the woman I have dated have been either involved in museum work or reenacting, ot both. None of them really worked out. Wether it was on my part or thiers. So I guess I should look at other common interests that I might share with some one. Wether it is music, politics, veiws on life, stuff like that. I think that is why I started to become attracted to some one recently because I decided to be more open about finding some one that wasn't exactly like me. I want some one I can be friends with. Some one I can trust.
I just can't stand being lonely though. That has been bothering me more and more. I am trying not to let it bother me, but it does. I keep hoping that will change soon. That is part of the reason I am over at my parents alot, besides their hot tub, is I just crave being around people. If the brats were home, then it would not be as bad. I would have them to talk too. Trust me I had some very interesting converastions with my ferrets. Why do you think they are running for president now? Yes once again I know I am not right in the head. I just miss having some one to talk to about my day that cares about me. In time it will change. I know it will.
Time for bed, or maybe some video games for a while. Or maybe not, I still have a business plan I am working on.
I wonder why at times I put so much about my life online? I know it is an outlet for me. However it just seems so much easier for me to be open with people if I do put it out there. I know some people have commented about my moaning, bitching, and negative writings. Well I am sorry. Don't read it then. It pisses me off when people tell me I am so negative, but yet they don't offer anything encouraging to say. Lately I think I have been kind of in the middle. I really haven't been down; but neither I have been really up. I know lately I tend to go back and forth from being in a good mood to bad or neagtive mood. Oh well. I guess you can say I have been mellow for the most part.
The last few weeks I have been wondering about certain stuff. Like being married, having a family stuff like that. I am almost 30 years old now. Or will be in January. I know a lot of people that are my age range that are married, and have been married. As for me, I have not. I cam close to actually proposing to some one, but it never happened. I guess in a way it was probably the best for both of us. Because in the long run it most likely never would of worked out. If we couldn't make it work after 4 1/2 years of dating, it would of never worked if we had gotten married. I wonder what it is like to be with some one you love the rest of your llife? I wonder what it is like to be commited to just one person? I wonder what it is like to raise a family?
At times I swore I would not have kids. A freind of the family hit me up, wondering when I was going to make my dad a grandfather? I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and offered a I don't know comment. I think if I found the right person to be with, I could see myself becoming a parent. I know there are several friends of mine, and I always enjoyed being around their kids. In a way I can relate to kids because I still act like one at times. I know they always remarked how I behave myself for the most part around them, and how I tend to make them comfortable around me. Those that have seen me around kids always comment on how I would make a great father. I am not sure of that. I guess only time will tell. However at times I really get nervous being around kids too. I am afraid I might hurt them or say something wrong.
I wonder if there is some one out there for me? Over the last few months and really few weeks I have been doing serious thinking. Yes I know my head does hurt! LOL! Maybe instead of being so set on finding some one with the exact interest that I have, is look out side that box. I mean if you look at my past the majority of the woman I have dated have been either involved in museum work or reenacting, ot both. None of them really worked out. Wether it was on my part or thiers. So I guess I should look at other common interests that I might share with some one. Wether it is music, politics, veiws on life, stuff like that. I think that is why I started to become attracted to some one recently because I decided to be more open about finding some one that wasn't exactly like me. I want some one I can be friends with. Some one I can trust.
I just can't stand being lonely though. That has been bothering me more and more. I am trying not to let it bother me, but it does. I keep hoping that will change soon. That is part of the reason I am over at my parents alot, besides their hot tub, is I just crave being around people. If the brats were home, then it would not be as bad. I would have them to talk too. Trust me I had some very interesting converastions with my ferrets. Why do you think they are running for president now? Yes once again I know I am not right in the head. I just miss having some one to talk to about my day that cares about me. In time it will change. I know it will.
Time for bed, or maybe some video games for a while. Or maybe not, I still have a business plan I am working on.