Brigits_flame: There it goes

[bootler]

Note: this is dedicated to my best friend, who I hope had a fantastic 24th birthday. Youngin'. This piece is related to a couple who came before it ( Heavy and Brilliance), but hopefully it will manage to stand on it's own okay.

There it goes, I think to myself as Ivnit's shield goes flying from her arm. We've been sparring for the last half

Comments

[j_cat]

Well I dunno about your friend but this made me wiggle happily in my seat.

[bootler]

lol! So does that mean I get extra XP?

[j_cat]

Ha ha!

No.

[bootler]

Curses. :P

[cedarwolfsinger]

Yay! More fantasy! I'm excited! Good stuff... I want to know more. Good luck!

[bootler]

Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed it.

[mullvaney]

Hi! I'm your primary editor this week

[bootler]

Thanks very much for the feedback! I'm really pleased that the characters' personalities are coming across.

I also understand what you mean about it making more sense when read with the other two pieces as well. Writing stand-alones isn't exactly my strongsuit :P

[ofshootingstars]

Hi! I'm one of your editors! I'm so sorry how late this is; the past week has been so hectic, but here I am now.

I rather enjoyed the dialogue and the personality of Ailith. I thought that was well done, and I always seem to enjoy reading about arrogant characters. I think it might be because of the fact that they always seem to get into something, rather than something getting into them. :D

While the dialogue was well written, I thought that this piece could be more fleshed out. The beginning where the two novices are sparring are wonderful (I really like the description of their actions, but when Morgan comes in, I feel that more description could be done. More of Ailith's thoughts could be heard, or even some background information could be written. That is why I feel that this entry was a bit... choppy. But, only in the sense that there weren't enough 'substance' to really support the really nice dialogue and characterization.

Well done!

[ofshootingstars]

AH! Sorry... I forgot to mention something.
Talking a step back, Ivnit drops her short sword and pulls out her preferred weapon.
Just one small grammatical error. I think you want Taking instead of Talking? :D

[bootler]

Ah, yes. Always good to know that I had at least one typo in there :P

I definitely agree that this piece was a bit more abrupt than it could have been. One of the curses of procrastination, I suppose.

Overall, though, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!