Brigits_flame: There it goes
Note: this is dedicated to my best friend, who I hope had a fantastic 24th birthday. Youngin'. This piece is related to a couple who came before it ( Heavy and Brilliance), but hopefully it will manage to stand on it's own okay.
There it goes, I think to myself as Ivnit's shield goes flying from her arm. We've been sparring for the last half ( Read more... )
There it goes, I think to myself as Ivnit's shield goes flying from her arm. We've been sparring for the last half ( Read more... )
Your grammar, syntax and spelling are excellent; I've read it three times, and run it through spelling and grammar checking, but neither I nor my computer found any errors.
I liked your characterization; this short piece was chock full of information about your characters shown through their remarks and actions. Ailith, a little detached, a little arrogant, Ivnit, who seems clever and crafty, and Morgan, devout, devoted, and kind. Yet you never used any of those adjectives in your piece. Your dialog flows really well, and so does the action. Nicely done!
Although this scene stands fairly well alone, it made much more sense after I had read the other two pieces. I was also very curious about the messenger, and what he had to say, and what the special task is. It may be that you plan to go into these things with some detail later on, but you could give at least a hint of what they are to round out this particular chapter.
The three pieces you have written about these characters make up a great beginning for a fantasy memoir. I liked this quite a lot, and I hope you continue on with this story thread. Best of luck!
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I also understand what you mean about it making more sense when read with the other two pieces as well. Writing stand-alones isn't exactly my strongsuit :P
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