Private journal entry.
I fought with the idea of doing this as I do not really see the point in writing entries that will serve no more than reminders of things that I do not want to be reminded of, but then again there is a first time for everything and that in itself has certainly been the theme of this delightful year at Hogwarts so far.
I originally thought the reason my father wanted me back at home was because of the letters that Dumbledore had sent out and while that was partly the case, it was also that he had been informed by Professor Flitwick that my grades apparently have gone down in the past few weeks or so. In the past, the only time that this had happened was when I had begun spending more of my time with Kat and as soon as he caught wind of the fact I was happy for the first time in years.....well.
My father has his reasons for being who he is and I have fully accepted that it is entirely my own fault that he is the way that he is but it did not help that he found the letters that were coming from Hogwarts just as I had managed to convince him that the reason for the lapse in my studies was because of the very things Dumbledore had owled him about.
I've just sat here looking over this journal friends list thing and saw that Blaise has already wrote about our meeting tonight and it actually made me laugh. There is something comforting about the fact he is still being himself. Not because of the fact he is pissed off with me, he always is for something or another, but just for the simple reason that he is still Blaise, the same boy that blindly persisted in pursuing me only months ago despite the fact I did my best to ignore him. People will see me tomorrow morning and realise anyway that it is me who he was talking about so I cannot exactly have a go at him for that. He wants to know more than he should. And, as always, I want to give than I am capable of. I should have let him go tonight but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
But my father is correct in that I do not deserve to be happy. That I should get my head down and do something good with my academic life to prepare me for what is beyond Hogwarts.
It no longer really matters what I want.
I originally thought the reason my father wanted me back at home was because of the letters that Dumbledore had sent out and while that was partly the case, it was also that he had been informed by Professor Flitwick that my grades apparently have gone down in the past few weeks or so. In the past, the only time that this had happened was when I had begun spending more of my time with Kat and as soon as he caught wind of the fact I was happy for the first time in years.....well.
My father has his reasons for being who he is and I have fully accepted that it is entirely my own fault that he is the way that he is but it did not help that he found the letters that were coming from Hogwarts just as I had managed to convince him that the reason for the lapse in my studies was because of the very things Dumbledore had owled him about.
I've just sat here looking over this journal friends list thing and saw that Blaise has already wrote about our meeting tonight and it actually made me laugh. There is something comforting about the fact he is still being himself. Not because of the fact he is pissed off with me, he always is for something or another, but just for the simple reason that he is still Blaise, the same boy that blindly persisted in pursuing me only months ago despite the fact I did my best to ignore him. People will see me tomorrow morning and realise anyway that it is me who he was talking about so I cannot exactly have a go at him for that. He wants to know more than he should. And, as always, I want to give than I am capable of. I should have let him go tonight but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
But my father is correct in that I do not deserve to be happy. That I should get my head down and do something good with my academic life to prepare me for what is beyond Hogwarts.
It no longer really matters what I want.