Get a haircut and get a real job!
So I didn't post all week, I mostly worked and slept. When I finished work on Friday I felt so wonderful and accomplished. I had a great weekend, I went to the drive-in theater with Cassandra, we saw Madagascar, which was totally stupid and then we saw The Interpreter, which was EXCELLENT. I think I have a crush on Nicole Kidman; she is so hot! Eat your heart out Holmes; you will never be that hot. I gained a new respect for Sean Penn too; he gave an excellent performance. He was so believable, I cried for his character.
The rest of the weekend was kind of lazy and regenerative; it was too hot to do too much. Baby doesn't like the heat much, poor Cassandra looked like a wilted flower most of the weekend.
I think I am starting to formulate a bit of a plan for the fall. Things here aren't as bad as I anticipated. Terry and I hardly cross paths now that I am working full time and I am making some friends and enjoying my work. I think I am going to look for another contract job for the fall. I will stay here while Cassandra is on maternity leave. I may be able to get some bills paid off and at the same time help her out. Living here is cheap for me and I am getting comfortable. I think I am learning a lot about independence. I have never had a fear of being able to take care of myself, but I have never liked being on my own. I have always wanted someone to be devoted to me in some way, boyfriend, best friend, roommate. I wanted to be entertained and have someone listen to me whine. I spent all my time avoiding the source of my problems. Me. Being here, I see Cassandra, but she doesn't coddle me or devote all her time to me, and I like it. I get lonely and miserable, but the truth is my time alone is helping me figure things out. I have devoted my life to goals that were dependant on others. I need to start to do things for “long term-me”. Where do I get the idea that I have to have a house and a family to make my life complete? What in life makes me feel fulfilled, what satisfies me, gratifies me? What do I want to be like in 10 years? 20? I can’t plan the rest of my life on the possibility of reconciling with Sean, or finding someone else to fill his place. I want to go to school, get an education that will allow me to work at something I like, offering me some stability in my life. But that forever dependence on others seems to peek through when I think about that kind of commitment. I really hated living in Ottawa, but I miss my parents desperately. I am trying to be brave, but the reality is that I will probably end up moving back to be with them. Or at least closer. Decisions decisions, this whole ramble totally contradicts itself, I guess I am not yet at the formulating stage and more in the brainstorming stage… which is progress because up until now I wasn’t willing to think beyond September.
The rest of the weekend was kind of lazy and regenerative; it was too hot to do too much. Baby doesn't like the heat much, poor Cassandra looked like a wilted flower most of the weekend.
I think I am starting to formulate a bit of a plan for the fall. Things here aren't as bad as I anticipated. Terry and I hardly cross paths now that I am working full time and I am making some friends and enjoying my work. I think I am going to look for another contract job for the fall. I will stay here while Cassandra is on maternity leave. I may be able to get some bills paid off and at the same time help her out. Living here is cheap for me and I am getting comfortable. I think I am learning a lot about independence. I have never had a fear of being able to take care of myself, but I have never liked being on my own. I have always wanted someone to be devoted to me in some way, boyfriend, best friend, roommate. I wanted to be entertained and have someone listen to me whine. I spent all my time avoiding the source of my problems. Me. Being here, I see Cassandra, but she doesn't coddle me or devote all her time to me, and I like it. I get lonely and miserable, but the truth is my time alone is helping me figure things out. I have devoted my life to goals that were dependant on others. I need to start to do things for “long term-me”. Where do I get the idea that I have to have a house and a family to make my life complete? What in life makes me feel fulfilled, what satisfies me, gratifies me? What do I want to be like in 10 years? 20? I can’t plan the rest of my life on the possibility of reconciling with Sean, or finding someone else to fill his place. I want to go to school, get an education that will allow me to work at something I like, offering me some stability in my life. But that forever dependence on others seems to peek through when I think about that kind of commitment. I really hated living in Ottawa, but I miss my parents desperately. I am trying to be brave, but the reality is that I will probably end up moving back to be with them. Or at least closer. Decisions decisions, this whole ramble totally contradicts itself, I guess I am not yet at the formulating stage and more in the brainstorming stage… which is progress because up until now I wasn’t willing to think beyond September.