Up the ladder (to the roof?)
My friend and commiserator in manners of being single males sent me this link on the "ladder theory" of relationships between men and women. On the whole, I find it chauvanistic and bitter, despite the author's responses to such criticisms. But there are a few things that I can't disagree with, particularly given recent events and soul-searching on my part.
For one thing, the postulate that women just want men with power and/or money. I don't think that's directly true; however, I do suspect that women are attracted to the kind of man who's got what it takes to go out and get that power and/or money. Someone who's unafraid of taking an active role in life and working for what he wants. That's a topic that came up from my last musing on the subject; the Too Nice syndrome framed another way. There may be women in the world who crave only men with money/power themselves, like the article suggests, but on the whole, I suspect that it's what they represent of a man's personality that attracts women, and not just the power/money itself. Men who will stand aside when their morals make it seem polite are probably less attractive than a man who is so passionate about what he's trying to achieve that he doesn't let such roadblocks stand in his way.
To say nothing about how unattractive is the guy who just sits and laments about his situation. Women don't generally go for that kind of man.
Having said that, I don't believe that such drive in life is mutually exclusive to being polite and nice. But there's a gray line between what really is nice, and what someone might tell oneself is nice but is more of a hindrance than a help.
The other part of that article that seemed to ring true was the bit about two ladders vs. one. The article states that women have two ladders, one for friends, and one for (to put it politely) men they find desirable. That echoes the "friend box" phenomenon. I don't know if it's true in all cases, but viewing it as a pair of ladders, rather than just as "friends" and "more" does help explain a few of my experiences.
I've tried, and failed at, what the article describes as a "ladder jump." I may indeed have fallen down my friend's Friend ladder as a result. But I'm not the solely-sex-motivated male described in that article, and friendship means too much to me to just let it fall away. I do whatever I can to salvage the friendships I've damaged by trying to explore romance that proved not to be there. I care about my friends.
I know I probably sound either bitter or despondent in describing all this, but I feel neither. I just feel pensive, as it's helping me plan out where I plan to go from here with the way I live my life. The qualities that make a man strive for more than he is now, are qualities I'd like to cultivate in myself, whether or not they are attractive to the female of the species.
Though I can't deny that is a nice bonus.
In other news, I put up weather plastic around my windows yesterday. Hopefully they'll do a good job of keeping out the drafts this year. And in the process, I found the buttons that I lost off my Wacom stylus! I'm back to using that geek toy again. (:
For one thing, the postulate that women just want men with power and/or money. I don't think that's directly true; however, I do suspect that women are attracted to the kind of man who's got what it takes to go out and get that power and/or money. Someone who's unafraid of taking an active role in life and working for what he wants. That's a topic that came up from my last musing on the subject; the Too Nice syndrome framed another way. There may be women in the world who crave only men with money/power themselves, like the article suggests, but on the whole, I suspect that it's what they represent of a man's personality that attracts women, and not just the power/money itself. Men who will stand aside when their morals make it seem polite are probably less attractive than a man who is so passionate about what he's trying to achieve that he doesn't let such roadblocks stand in his way.
To say nothing about how unattractive is the guy who just sits and laments about his situation. Women don't generally go for that kind of man.
Having said that, I don't believe that such drive in life is mutually exclusive to being polite and nice. But there's a gray line between what really is nice, and what someone might tell oneself is nice but is more of a hindrance than a help.
The other part of that article that seemed to ring true was the bit about two ladders vs. one. The article states that women have two ladders, one for friends, and one for (to put it politely) men they find desirable. That echoes the "friend box" phenomenon. I don't know if it's true in all cases, but viewing it as a pair of ladders, rather than just as "friends" and "more" does help explain a few of my experiences.
I've tried, and failed at, what the article describes as a "ladder jump." I may indeed have fallen down my friend's Friend ladder as a result. But I'm not the solely-sex-motivated male described in that article, and friendship means too much to me to just let it fall away. I do whatever I can to salvage the friendships I've damaged by trying to explore romance that proved not to be there. I care about my friends.
I know I probably sound either bitter or despondent in describing all this, but I feel neither. I just feel pensive, as it's helping me plan out where I plan to go from here with the way I live my life. The qualities that make a man strive for more than he is now, are qualities I'd like to cultivate in myself, whether or not they are attractive to the female of the species.
Though I can't deny that is a nice bonus.
In other news, I put up weather plastic around my windows yesterday. Hopefully they'll do a good job of keeping out the drafts this year. And in the process, I found the buttons that I lost off my Wacom stylus! I'm back to using that geek toy again. (: