I Always Forget I Have This Thing
And that's slightly surprising seeing as how I tend to have a lot to rant about, even when life is uneventful. Right now life is uneventful (big surprise, huh?)
Let's see, since March I've turned 21, quit Vera Bradley, started a third year at Mass Bay, and got a new job at Marshalls with my mom. There's still no sensed of accomplishment of any kind and still no guy.
It's pathetic that the happiest moment of my life this year was tied with watching David Cook win American Idol and seeing the man himself sporting the phoenix necklace I sent him in the mail. I swear, there are some days I'm sure it's him that gets me up and out of bed in the morning. The man have become a huge part of my life in the course of just a few months and while I'm grateful for everything he's unintentionally done for me, his role is that of the heart breaker. Why does it have to be this way? That when I finally can look at a man and say that he's perfect, that I wish to be with him, it's someone I can't have?
Now, to everyone, whether I know you personally or you just happened to come upon this journal entry, I'm not crazy. I'm not a psychotic, creepy stalker fan. Yes I wrote him a letter once, yes I sent him a message on his official website, and yes I went and saw the Idol concert tour twice, but that's the extent of it. I haven't sent another message or letter and I don't plan to anytime soon.
I'm a young adult with a big crush. As I've gotten older, I've seen how complex crushes become. In grade school all that mattered was whether he was cute. Then middle school he's got to be cute but nice as well. Then high school there's the confusion of trying to discover what qualities are most important. What kind of guy am I looking for? That's the constant question echoing in the back of the brain. I'm 21 now and I don't feel shallow in the least to admit that looks do matter to me. I'm not saying he has to be an Adonis but I believe physical attraction is important. I also believe that a person's personality (if beautiful) makes them more physically attractive because the inner beauty shines through.
Referring back to my childish yet adult crush on David Cook, I confess I wasn't drooling over his physical appearance the first time I saw him. I thought he was cute, and that thought was fleeting. Then he deemed himself the "Word Nerd" and I suddenly realized how boyishly handsome his smile was. Once I'd discovered the meaning behind the "AC" tattooed on his arm and branded on his guitar, the sparkle in his eyes became beautiful, his laugh was musical; I fell fast. He wore an orange band for a remarkable young lady with leukemia and wrote "Give Back" on his palm; I fell harder. He spoke intelligently, articulately in interviews and showed raw emotion on stage. There was more than one occasion that he shed tears on national television; I wanted to kiss them away.
Even after his win, a tour of the U.S., appearances on some of the biggest day and night shows on television, and endless encouragement and love from a legion of fans, he's remained a humble, gracious, beautiful human being. With every note he sings, every lyric he writes, every kind deed he does, every word he utters, he reinforces every aspect, every quality about him that I find attractive. In my eyes, he only becomes more handsome as time passes.
If dreams can come true and the seemingly impossible can be conquered, I'll cling onto the hope that maybe my heart knows something that I don't. Maybe one day our paths will cross and I'll have the opportunity to share with him all that I just wrote.
If not, I'll just hope that the man whose path does ultimately connect to mine doesn't come across this :)
~April
Let's see, since March I've turned 21, quit Vera Bradley, started a third year at Mass Bay, and got a new job at Marshalls with my mom. There's still no sensed of accomplishment of any kind and still no guy.
It's pathetic that the happiest moment of my life this year was tied with watching David Cook win American Idol and seeing the man himself sporting the phoenix necklace I sent him in the mail. I swear, there are some days I'm sure it's him that gets me up and out of bed in the morning. The man have become a huge part of my life in the course of just a few months and while I'm grateful for everything he's unintentionally done for me, his role is that of the heart breaker. Why does it have to be this way? That when I finally can look at a man and say that he's perfect, that I wish to be with him, it's someone I can't have?
Now, to everyone, whether I know you personally or you just happened to come upon this journal entry, I'm not crazy. I'm not a psychotic, creepy stalker fan. Yes I wrote him a letter once, yes I sent him a message on his official website, and yes I went and saw the Idol concert tour twice, but that's the extent of it. I haven't sent another message or letter and I don't plan to anytime soon.
I'm a young adult with a big crush. As I've gotten older, I've seen how complex crushes become. In grade school all that mattered was whether he was cute. Then middle school he's got to be cute but nice as well. Then high school there's the confusion of trying to discover what qualities are most important. What kind of guy am I looking for? That's the constant question echoing in the back of the brain. I'm 21 now and I don't feel shallow in the least to admit that looks do matter to me. I'm not saying he has to be an Adonis but I believe physical attraction is important. I also believe that a person's personality (if beautiful) makes them more physically attractive because the inner beauty shines through.
Referring back to my childish yet adult crush on David Cook, I confess I wasn't drooling over his physical appearance the first time I saw him. I thought he was cute, and that thought was fleeting. Then he deemed himself the "Word Nerd" and I suddenly realized how boyishly handsome his smile was. Once I'd discovered the meaning behind the "AC" tattooed on his arm and branded on his guitar, the sparkle in his eyes became beautiful, his laugh was musical; I fell fast. He wore an orange band for a remarkable young lady with leukemia and wrote "Give Back" on his palm; I fell harder. He spoke intelligently, articulately in interviews and showed raw emotion on stage. There was more than one occasion that he shed tears on national television; I wanted to kiss them away.
Even after his win, a tour of the U.S., appearances on some of the biggest day and night shows on television, and endless encouragement and love from a legion of fans, he's remained a humble, gracious, beautiful human being. With every note he sings, every lyric he writes, every kind deed he does, every word he utters, he reinforces every aspect, every quality about him that I find attractive. In my eyes, he only becomes more handsome as time passes.
If dreams can come true and the seemingly impossible can be conquered, I'll cling onto the hope that maybe my heart knows something that I don't. Maybe one day our paths will cross and I'll have the opportunity to share with him all that I just wrote.
If not, I'll just hope that the man whose path does ultimately connect to mine doesn't come across this :)
~April