Fire and Ice - Chapter 23
Thanks to everyone who's been supportive during this hard time. And to those who hoped I *wouldn't* finish this story...HA HA! Don't read it if you don't like it. Makes no difference to me.
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Setting: AU/AU
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Disclaimer: The characters of Ennis and Jack belong to the fabulously talented Annie Proulx. No disrespect is intended. Any OCs are mine.
Summary: Ennis del Mar is a defenseman and Jack Twist a left wing on a minor-league hockey team who meet when Ennis is assigned to Jack’s team.
Feedback: Yes, please. Always welcome.
Warnings: M/m smex, drinking, homophobia, foul language, angst, injuries, more smex, and occasionally some hockey thrown in.
Thanks to: everyone who’s been so kind to Heidi and me while we work through the extraneous BS. You guys rock.
Dedicated to: former NHLer John Kordic. Miss you, buddy.
Chapter 23
It was still dark outside when Kelly, one of the floor nurses, came in Ennis’s room to remove his IV bag and check on him. Dr. Hayes’s instructions were to keep him hydrated and medicated as needed, and his pain meds hadn’t been checked for a few hours. Since he hadn’t rung his call button all night, Kelly knew he’d be waking soon and probably wanting more pain relief.
Kelly and her husband were season-ticket holders for the Tornadoes, and she’d been on duty when her husband called her from the game and told her that Ennis had been hurt and they were taking him to the hospital. When he’d been admitted to her floor, Kelly assumed his care. It wasn’t every day-heck, any day-that they had a celebrity in the small medical center, and Ennis was as big a local celebrity as they came. He’d only been on the team for a few months but he’d already won over all the fans, so to have him get hurt was devastating for Kelly and everyone else.
When she entered the room, she was surprised to see a man sleeping in the chair on the far side of Ennis’s bed. As he moved closer, she recognized the man as Jack Twist, Ennis’s teammate. Every woman at the games had a thing for Jack Twist. He was gorgeous and funny and personable, always a good interview and would pose for any picture, especially if it involved a child. Kelly remembered an article in the paper about Jack and Ennis being roommates and she smiled to herself, thinking how nice it was that Jack had accompanied Ennis to the hospital. Then, as she reached up to take down the empty IV bag, she looked over and saw Jack holding Ennis’s hand.
***
“Uuunnnggghh,” came a groan that startled Jack awake.
He shifted in the chair which had actually been quite comfortable to sleep in, once he’d managed to move it beside the bed and recline the back. His right hand was asleep and he looked down to see it still grasping Ennis’s. Jack extricated his hand and shook it awake, ignoring the pins and needles feeling, and stood up, moving the chair out of the way so he could stand close to the bed.
Ennis was waking up out of his drug stupor, making the sounds of a man in immense pain.
Jack winced, not sure what to do, but his curiosity got the better of him and he lifted the edge of the blanket to check Ennis’s knee. His big leg was encased in an air cast, and Porter had been right: Ennis’s knee was the size of a volleyball, swollen and red and angry-looking through the plastic shield.
This isn’t good, Jack thought sadly.
“Fuuuuuck,” moaned Ennis, his eyes still closed, his head turning on the pillow.
“Bud?” asked Jack softly. “It’s me, Jack.”
“Uuughhhh,” came another moan.
“Open your eyes. You’re in the hospital.”
Ennis blinked slowly a few times, then focused on Jack. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Jack tried to smile. “You fucked up your knee.”
“No shit.” Ennis rubbed his face, wincing again. He tried to sit up and look down at his knee, and gave up. “Goddamn, feels like a truck ran over it.”
“Need some drugs? You want me to call the nurse?”
“Yeah. Tell her to bring a bucket full.”
Jack smiled at Ennis’s attempt at humor and rang the call button, and soon the nurse arrived.
“Hi Ennis,” she greeted him. “I’m Kelly, and I’m going to take care of you. You must be Jack Twist.”
“Guilty,” said Jack. “How’s he doing?”
“He’ll live,” she joked. “I’d hate to see the other guy.” Ennis tried to smile but it looked to Jack like it took too much effort. “Actually, my husband and I are season-ticket holders. Didn’t anyone tell you you’re not supposed to get hurt right before the playoffs?”
Ennis did smile at that. “Playoffs are a ways off, eh?” he joked back. “I got plenty of time to get better.”
Jack and Kelly looked at each other, each thinking that if it really was his ACL that was damaged, the playoffs were only going to be a distant dream for him. “Well, let’s hope you can come back soon,” Kelly said. “We need you against the West Division. They’ve got two tough teams in St. Charles and Michiwaga.”
Jack and Ennis just nodded. Kelly looked at Ennis. “So, you need something for the pain?”
Ennis nodded. “Hurts like a sumbitch.”
“Okay, Dr Hayes said you could have Vicodin for now. I’ll be right back,” she replied, and left the room.
Jack remained standing, not wanting to leave Ennis’s side. “Mike and Porter said you’re going to have an MRI this morning.”
“Great.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really.” Ennis put his hand over his eyes. “Jesus.”
Jack wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. “You need anything?” he asked.
“Yeah, a new knee. You got one lyin’ around somewhere?” Ennis bit his lip, and Jack looked contrite. “Sorry, bud. I -I just don’t need this right now. Too much shit going on, eh?”
Jack wasn’t sure if Ennis meant hockey or the situation between the two of them. “I…I know,” he said, even though he didn’t.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve fucked this knee up.”
Jack felt like he’d been punched in the chest. “Yeah?”
Ennis shook his head, and looked out the window. “Tore up a bunch of cartilage in juniors, and my first year pro I pulled a tendon.”
Jack understood. Everyone who’d ever injured a body part, especially a joint like a knee or a hip, knew that the offended part never performed the same after the injury, and repeated injuries just made it worse. “That sucks.”
Ennis nodded. “Did…” he paused. “Do they think it’s my ACL?”
The dreaded words floated in the air, and Jack tried to smile. “They won’t know anything until the MRI.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Jack.” Ennis’s tone was grave, stern.
Jack pursed his lips. “Could be. They really don’t know.”
“Could be,” Ennis repeated solemnly. “Could be.”
Kelly came back with the drugs, which Ennis swallowed with a drink of water. “Dr. Hayes will be in to see you after the MRI, and I think Dr. Hudson will be here too.” Dr. Hayes was the team physician, and Dr. Hudson was the orthopedic surgeon.
“When’s the MRI?”
“8:15,” she announced, and Jack looked at his watch. 6:25. Fuck. Almost two more hours to wait.
“Breakfast is coming soon,” Kelly said to Ennis, “but Jack, there’s coffee in the lounge. It’s the last door on your left on this hallway.”
Jack nodded and she left them to their privacy. “You want some coffee?” he asked Ennis, who nodded. Jack went down the hall and got two cups and realized as he walked back that his hands were shaking. He stopped at the desk, put the cups down, and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day.
***
Porter and Mike didn’t seem surprised to see Jack at the hospital when they arrived. Jeff and Perry arrived soon after with doughnuts and they ate and talked, waiting for Ennis to return from his MRI.
When Ennis was wheeled back in, everyone stood and let Kelly and the transport person do their thing in getting him settled. Jack offered Ennis a doughnut, and to his surprise, Ennis ate three. Everyone was tense and no one wanted to talk about the possible test results. Jeff turned on the TV but after a few minutes of flipping channels, they shut it off again.
It was about another hour before Dr. Hayes and Dr. Hudson came in, Dr. Hayes carrying the large envelope of MRI films. Ennis had to steel himself not to reach for Jack’s hand, but he did notice Jack’s knuckles were white as they gripped the bar of the bed.
“Was this a party and no one invited us?” asked Dr. Hudson jokingly, but no one laughed.
“Well, Ennis, we got the report back from the radiologist,” Dr. Hayes explained. “It’s what we suspected: you tore your anterior cruciate ligament.”
Everyone looked grim.
“So the plan is to get that swelling down, then we can go in there and clean it up and put everything back together. There’s some cartilage that should come out too.”
“How long will that take-the swelling, I mean?” asked Jack.
Dr. Hudson took over. “If he stays off it and ices it and takes the anti-inflammatories, probably about a week.”
“So, when can I play again?” asked Ennis sternly.
Dr. Hudson looked serious. “Ennis, it’s going to be at least six months. You know the ACL-- it’s tough, but it’s got to be repaired properly. I’m sorry son, but you’re done for this year.”
Ennis knew he was finished; he knew even before he’d asked the question. He’d just been hoping for a different answer, as if in the last week the medical field had come up with some kind of magical surgery that would put him back on the ice, totally healed, in three weeks. He looked around the room at everyone and no one would meet his eyes, and the only one who would looked devastated. Ennis remained silent.
“I know this is disappointing for all of you,” Dr. Hayes said. “But we’ve got to treat it properly or he could have lasting damage.”
“We know, Doc,” Mike offered. “It just really sucks-for Ennis and for the team. But we have to do what’s right for him.”
Everyone nodded except Ennis.
“I want to see you in my office in a week,” said Dr. Hudson. “We’ll do some x-rays and see where to go from there. And I don’t want you up on that leg. We’ll take the air cast off and send you home, but you need someone to take care of you.”
“I can,” offered Jack quickly. “He lives with me.”
“Okay,” Dr. Hudson nodded. “I’ll have the nurse give you a list of instructions. And luckily, my surgery schedule is pretty open next week, so if the swelling subsides we can do it any time.”
Ennis was silent, and all the other men jumped in to thank the doctors for their time, and the two men left.
“So,” Mike said, turning back to Ennis. “Main thing is, we get that swelling down and get you ready for surgery.”
Everyone nodded somberly, but Ennis just lay there in the bed quietly. Jack looked at Jeff and bit his lip, his eyes asking, help me.
“Well, maybe we should go,” offered Jeff. “Ennis probably needs some sleep and some more drugs, eh, buddy?” He winked at Ennis.
“Yeah,” Ennis replied, dully, and then he recovered a little bit. “Thanks everybody, for coming. I appreciate it.”
The other men offered their best wishes and Porter and Mike talked to Jack about what Ennis might need at home, and then everyone left except for Jack.
He didn’t know what to do or what to say to Ennis. He was torn in two: the last thing he wanted was for Ennis to be hurt. He enjoyed playing hockey with him; it was exhilarating to be on the ice at the same time, watching each other and playing together. But a small, jealous, selfish part of him thought that the injury could help bond the two of them, if only Ennis would ease up enough to allow him to show him how much he cared for him. He fantasized about making himself so indispensable to Ennis that he’d finally see that their relationship was worth hanging in there for. Despite no input from Ennis, Jack was already planning in his head how the team could hire a home nurse for the first few weeks if he had to leave on a road trip, and any other situations he could anticipate in taking care of him. He’d do anything; for Jack, there was no other choice.
Jack tried to make conversation but Ennis wasn’t interested, spending most of the morning until his discharge staring out the window. Jack used the quiet time to think and plan.
***
Once Ennis was home and settled in bed, Jack left the house to get groceries and Ennis’s pain medications.
The house was quiet with Jack gone but that was okay with Ennis; he was in no mood to talk, and he knew Jack would come back and try to cheer him up. Ennis sighed and picked up his cell phone, dialing slowly.
“Hi Mom,” he said glumly.
“Hi honey,” she said warily. “What’s wrong?”
“I…I tore up my knee last night.”
“Oh no,” she gasped. “Your right one again?”
“Yeah.”
“What’d the doctor say?”
“I had an MRI this morning. I tore the ACL and some cartilage.”
She made a disappointed sound. “I can’t believe it. Do you want me to call Uncle Brett?”
“I have a surgeon here. He’s good.”
He could hear the disapproval in her silence. “Ennis, why? Uncle Brett’s done all your surgeries. You know he’s the best up here, and he knows your knees. Why would you want to go to someone else?”
He was silent.
“Come on, now. You know if it’s your ACL, you need Brett to do the surgery. You’re not going to play any more this season, so you should just come home and let us take care of you.”
Ennis finally let his mind accept the truth: the injury was handing him just what he wanted, a way to break away from Jack. He had to end this, to get away and let them both go on with their lives. What he couldn’t understand was, if he was getting what he wanted, why did he feel so bad?
“Jack-my roommate-can take care of me,” he said feebly, almost wanting her to convince him otherwise.
“Ennis, he’s a grown man. I mean, I’m sure you two are friends, but is he going to want to nursemaid you? And what if he has to go on the road? You can’t be up and around too much. Just come home. Brett can do the surgery, and I’m sure Anne-Marie would help out too. Maybe you two will get back together-“
“Mom,” Ennis almost wailed, “please don’t start that again. I can’t deal with this right now.” His voice nearly breaking, he cursed himself for his weakness, knowing he was falling and even if there was a safety net, he wasn’t going to grab for it.
“All right,” she said in a quiet voice. “Do you want me to call Brett, and have him call you?”
“Yeah,” Ennis capitulated, feeling disgusted with himself. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome. You’ll be okay until you can get home? Can you fly? I can fly down there and come back with you.”
“No, it’s okay,” he assured her. “I have to get the swelling down. I’m supposed to meet with the surgeon next week.”
“Maybe Brett can call him and consult on it,” his mother offered.
“Let me think about it,” Ennis replied glumly. They talked for a few more minutes and then he hung up. He laid the cell phone on the bed beside him and turned to look out the window at the bright winter sunshine, wondering why such a beautiful day was mocking him, making him feel worse than he already felt.
***
“Ennis?” Jack called softly from the other side of the door. “You awake?”
Ennis rubbed his eyes, unaware that he had drifted off to sleep since talking to his mother. “C’mon in.”
Jack entered the room. “Hey. How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” shrugged Ennis. “Whatcha got there?”
“Submarine sandwiches from The Pig and Whistle,” Jack said, holding out the tray. “You hungry?”
“Starving,” Ennis replied as he took his plate from Jack. “Thanks.”
“I got you the turkey-ham-salami combo. Hope that’s okay.”
“I’d eat horsemeat at this point,” Ennis grinned, biting into the sandwich. “Hey, did you get my pills?”
Jack reached into his pocket and tossed the bottle to him. “How’s the knee feel?”
“Aches,” Ennis said around a bite of sandwich. He grabbed the bottle and popped two pills, washing them down with a cup of water Jack got him. He didn’t want to talk about his knee, seeing as it was the source of, and the solution to, all his problems.
Jack was quiet as he ate his sandwich. The two men didn’t speak much; it was hard for each of them. Jack didn’t want to be a complete tool and tell Ennis he knew how he felt; Ennis would be angry, if not insulted, and Jack didn’t want to make him any more upset. They ate thoughtfully for awhile. Jack asked Ennis if he needed anything; Ennis said no and quieted down again. Even though he thanked Jack for the lunch, Jack felt it was half-hearted and he decided to leave Ennis alone to nap.
***
The next few days passed fitfully. Jack tried to help Ennis without being annoying, but Ennis’s reactions were the same to everything: dull, listless, and depressed. Jack thought about calling Dr. Hayes and mentioning it, but then realized it would be invading Ennis’s privacy, so he didn’t.
Jack went to practice every day and endured question after question about Ennis from their teammates. Some of the guys dropped by the house to say hello. Pierre and Marc came by to play cards but after a few hands of lackluster poker they shrugged back into their coats and left. Ennis was just not into any activity other than looking out the window.
Jack worried about Ennis’s deepening depression. He tried to cheer him up in little ways, like making his favorite meals. Once he plugged in his iPod to speakers and did a sexy little dance to ‘Candy Shop’ by 50 Cent, knowing it was one of Ennis’s favorite songs. For a fleeting moment Jack thought Ennis’s eyes conveyed some amusement and maybe even a tinge of lust, but just as quickly, the look disappeared from Ennis’s face, leaving him stone-like, and Jack had to admit defeat. Another day he brought home some flowers, a bright bouquet, explaining that they were just to liven up Ennis’s dark bedroom. He didn’t want Ennis to overreact, thinking Jack was flirting with him or buttering him up in any way to get back in his bed.
That was the other part that hurt: ever since his injury, Ennis had insisted on sleeping alone in his own room with the door closed. Not that they would have been able to do anything sexually, Jack knew that. He’d foolishly hoped-no, assumed-that their sleeping arrangements would go on as before, staying together in one room so that if Ennis needed anything, Jack could get it for him. And truth be told, what Jack missed the most was that big body next to him. He wanted to hold him and comfort him and assure him that he wasn’t going to go anywhere. But Ennis’s stubbornness and dark moods negated all that, and Jack spent a lot of time in his own room, staring at the ceiling in sadness, wondering when this was all going to end, hoping that the surgery could be done soon so Ennis could get on the road to rehabilitation and recovery-not just for his knee, but for his mood and attitude as well. He waited every night for Ennis to change his mind and invite him into his bed; every night he went to bed alone, disappointed, and frustrated, and most nights he was even too bummed to jerk himself off. It hurt too much, knowing his fantasy was right in the next room and wanted nothing to do with him.
One thing Jack did notice-or hear, rather-was that Ennis as spending a lot of time on his cell phone in his room. The door was typically shut while the mysterious calls were being made and Ennis never offered any details later, which confused and hurt Jack. But he also knew he couldn’t push Ennis on it. He would have to be patient and let Ennis come around on his own.
Jack began to feel like a CD that had a skip in it, and the skip just kept telling him to wait, wait, wait for Ennis. He just wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out.
TBC…
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Setting: AU/AU
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Disclaimer: The characters of Ennis and Jack belong to the fabulously talented Annie Proulx. No disrespect is intended. Any OCs are mine.
Summary: Ennis del Mar is a defenseman and Jack Twist a left wing on a minor-league hockey team who meet when Ennis is assigned to Jack’s team.
Feedback: Yes, please. Always welcome.
Warnings: M/m smex, drinking, homophobia, foul language, angst, injuries, more smex, and occasionally some hockey thrown in.
Thanks to: everyone who’s been so kind to Heidi and me while we work through the extraneous BS. You guys rock.
Dedicated to: former NHLer John Kordic. Miss you, buddy.
Chapter 23
It was still dark outside when Kelly, one of the floor nurses, came in Ennis’s room to remove his IV bag and check on him. Dr. Hayes’s instructions were to keep him hydrated and medicated as needed, and his pain meds hadn’t been checked for a few hours. Since he hadn’t rung his call button all night, Kelly knew he’d be waking soon and probably wanting more pain relief.
Kelly and her husband were season-ticket holders for the Tornadoes, and she’d been on duty when her husband called her from the game and told her that Ennis had been hurt and they were taking him to the hospital. When he’d been admitted to her floor, Kelly assumed his care. It wasn’t every day-heck, any day-that they had a celebrity in the small medical center, and Ennis was as big a local celebrity as they came. He’d only been on the team for a few months but he’d already won over all the fans, so to have him get hurt was devastating for Kelly and everyone else.
When she entered the room, she was surprised to see a man sleeping in the chair on the far side of Ennis’s bed. As he moved closer, she recognized the man as Jack Twist, Ennis’s teammate. Every woman at the games had a thing for Jack Twist. He was gorgeous and funny and personable, always a good interview and would pose for any picture, especially if it involved a child. Kelly remembered an article in the paper about Jack and Ennis being roommates and she smiled to herself, thinking how nice it was that Jack had accompanied Ennis to the hospital. Then, as she reached up to take down the empty IV bag, she looked over and saw Jack holding Ennis’s hand.
***
“Uuunnnggghh,” came a groan that startled Jack awake.
He shifted in the chair which had actually been quite comfortable to sleep in, once he’d managed to move it beside the bed and recline the back. His right hand was asleep and he looked down to see it still grasping Ennis’s. Jack extricated his hand and shook it awake, ignoring the pins and needles feeling, and stood up, moving the chair out of the way so he could stand close to the bed.
Ennis was waking up out of his drug stupor, making the sounds of a man in immense pain.
Jack winced, not sure what to do, but his curiosity got the better of him and he lifted the edge of the blanket to check Ennis’s knee. His big leg was encased in an air cast, and Porter had been right: Ennis’s knee was the size of a volleyball, swollen and red and angry-looking through the plastic shield.
This isn’t good, Jack thought sadly.
“Fuuuuuck,” moaned Ennis, his eyes still closed, his head turning on the pillow.
“Bud?” asked Jack softly. “It’s me, Jack.”
“Uuughhhh,” came another moan.
“Open your eyes. You’re in the hospital.”
Ennis blinked slowly a few times, then focused on Jack. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Jack tried to smile. “You fucked up your knee.”
“No shit.” Ennis rubbed his face, wincing again. He tried to sit up and look down at his knee, and gave up. “Goddamn, feels like a truck ran over it.”
“Need some drugs? You want me to call the nurse?”
“Yeah. Tell her to bring a bucket full.”
Jack smiled at Ennis’s attempt at humor and rang the call button, and soon the nurse arrived.
“Hi Ennis,” she greeted him. “I’m Kelly, and I’m going to take care of you. You must be Jack Twist.”
“Guilty,” said Jack. “How’s he doing?”
“He’ll live,” she joked. “I’d hate to see the other guy.” Ennis tried to smile but it looked to Jack like it took too much effort. “Actually, my husband and I are season-ticket holders. Didn’t anyone tell you you’re not supposed to get hurt right before the playoffs?”
Ennis did smile at that. “Playoffs are a ways off, eh?” he joked back. “I got plenty of time to get better.”
Jack and Kelly looked at each other, each thinking that if it really was his ACL that was damaged, the playoffs were only going to be a distant dream for him. “Well, let’s hope you can come back soon,” Kelly said. “We need you against the West Division. They’ve got two tough teams in St. Charles and Michiwaga.”
Jack and Ennis just nodded. Kelly looked at Ennis. “So, you need something for the pain?”
Ennis nodded. “Hurts like a sumbitch.”
“Okay, Dr Hayes said you could have Vicodin for now. I’ll be right back,” she replied, and left the room.
Jack remained standing, not wanting to leave Ennis’s side. “Mike and Porter said you’re going to have an MRI this morning.”
“Great.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really.” Ennis put his hand over his eyes. “Jesus.”
Jack wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. “You need anything?” he asked.
“Yeah, a new knee. You got one lyin’ around somewhere?” Ennis bit his lip, and Jack looked contrite. “Sorry, bud. I -I just don’t need this right now. Too much shit going on, eh?”
Jack wasn’t sure if Ennis meant hockey or the situation between the two of them. “I…I know,” he said, even though he didn’t.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve fucked this knee up.”
Jack felt like he’d been punched in the chest. “Yeah?”
Ennis shook his head, and looked out the window. “Tore up a bunch of cartilage in juniors, and my first year pro I pulled a tendon.”
Jack understood. Everyone who’d ever injured a body part, especially a joint like a knee or a hip, knew that the offended part never performed the same after the injury, and repeated injuries just made it worse. “That sucks.”
Ennis nodded. “Did…” he paused. “Do they think it’s my ACL?”
The dreaded words floated in the air, and Jack tried to smile. “They won’t know anything until the MRI.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Jack.” Ennis’s tone was grave, stern.
Jack pursed his lips. “Could be. They really don’t know.”
“Could be,” Ennis repeated solemnly. “Could be.”
Kelly came back with the drugs, which Ennis swallowed with a drink of water. “Dr. Hayes will be in to see you after the MRI, and I think Dr. Hudson will be here too.” Dr. Hayes was the team physician, and Dr. Hudson was the orthopedic surgeon.
“When’s the MRI?”
“8:15,” she announced, and Jack looked at his watch. 6:25. Fuck. Almost two more hours to wait.
“Breakfast is coming soon,” Kelly said to Ennis, “but Jack, there’s coffee in the lounge. It’s the last door on your left on this hallway.”
Jack nodded and she left them to their privacy. “You want some coffee?” he asked Ennis, who nodded. Jack went down the hall and got two cups and realized as he walked back that his hands were shaking. He stopped at the desk, put the cups down, and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day.
***
Porter and Mike didn’t seem surprised to see Jack at the hospital when they arrived. Jeff and Perry arrived soon after with doughnuts and they ate and talked, waiting for Ennis to return from his MRI.
When Ennis was wheeled back in, everyone stood and let Kelly and the transport person do their thing in getting him settled. Jack offered Ennis a doughnut, and to his surprise, Ennis ate three. Everyone was tense and no one wanted to talk about the possible test results. Jeff turned on the TV but after a few minutes of flipping channels, they shut it off again.
It was about another hour before Dr. Hayes and Dr. Hudson came in, Dr. Hayes carrying the large envelope of MRI films. Ennis had to steel himself not to reach for Jack’s hand, but he did notice Jack’s knuckles were white as they gripped the bar of the bed.
“Was this a party and no one invited us?” asked Dr. Hudson jokingly, but no one laughed.
“Well, Ennis, we got the report back from the radiologist,” Dr. Hayes explained. “It’s what we suspected: you tore your anterior cruciate ligament.”
Everyone looked grim.
“So the plan is to get that swelling down, then we can go in there and clean it up and put everything back together. There’s some cartilage that should come out too.”
“How long will that take-the swelling, I mean?” asked Jack.
Dr. Hudson took over. “If he stays off it and ices it and takes the anti-inflammatories, probably about a week.”
“So, when can I play again?” asked Ennis sternly.
Dr. Hudson looked serious. “Ennis, it’s going to be at least six months. You know the ACL-- it’s tough, but it’s got to be repaired properly. I’m sorry son, but you’re done for this year.”
Ennis knew he was finished; he knew even before he’d asked the question. He’d just been hoping for a different answer, as if in the last week the medical field had come up with some kind of magical surgery that would put him back on the ice, totally healed, in three weeks. He looked around the room at everyone and no one would meet his eyes, and the only one who would looked devastated. Ennis remained silent.
“I know this is disappointing for all of you,” Dr. Hayes said. “But we’ve got to treat it properly or he could have lasting damage.”
“We know, Doc,” Mike offered. “It just really sucks-for Ennis and for the team. But we have to do what’s right for him.”
Everyone nodded except Ennis.
“I want to see you in my office in a week,” said Dr. Hudson. “We’ll do some x-rays and see where to go from there. And I don’t want you up on that leg. We’ll take the air cast off and send you home, but you need someone to take care of you.”
“I can,” offered Jack quickly. “He lives with me.”
“Okay,” Dr. Hudson nodded. “I’ll have the nurse give you a list of instructions. And luckily, my surgery schedule is pretty open next week, so if the swelling subsides we can do it any time.”
Ennis was silent, and all the other men jumped in to thank the doctors for their time, and the two men left.
“So,” Mike said, turning back to Ennis. “Main thing is, we get that swelling down and get you ready for surgery.”
Everyone nodded somberly, but Ennis just lay there in the bed quietly. Jack looked at Jeff and bit his lip, his eyes asking, help me.
“Well, maybe we should go,” offered Jeff. “Ennis probably needs some sleep and some more drugs, eh, buddy?” He winked at Ennis.
“Yeah,” Ennis replied, dully, and then he recovered a little bit. “Thanks everybody, for coming. I appreciate it.”
The other men offered their best wishes and Porter and Mike talked to Jack about what Ennis might need at home, and then everyone left except for Jack.
He didn’t know what to do or what to say to Ennis. He was torn in two: the last thing he wanted was for Ennis to be hurt. He enjoyed playing hockey with him; it was exhilarating to be on the ice at the same time, watching each other and playing together. But a small, jealous, selfish part of him thought that the injury could help bond the two of them, if only Ennis would ease up enough to allow him to show him how much he cared for him. He fantasized about making himself so indispensable to Ennis that he’d finally see that their relationship was worth hanging in there for. Despite no input from Ennis, Jack was already planning in his head how the team could hire a home nurse for the first few weeks if he had to leave on a road trip, and any other situations he could anticipate in taking care of him. He’d do anything; for Jack, there was no other choice.
Jack tried to make conversation but Ennis wasn’t interested, spending most of the morning until his discharge staring out the window. Jack used the quiet time to think and plan.
***
Once Ennis was home and settled in bed, Jack left the house to get groceries and Ennis’s pain medications.
The house was quiet with Jack gone but that was okay with Ennis; he was in no mood to talk, and he knew Jack would come back and try to cheer him up. Ennis sighed and picked up his cell phone, dialing slowly.
“Hi Mom,” he said glumly.
“Hi honey,” she said warily. “What’s wrong?”
“I…I tore up my knee last night.”
“Oh no,” she gasped. “Your right one again?”
“Yeah.”
“What’d the doctor say?”
“I had an MRI this morning. I tore the ACL and some cartilage.”
She made a disappointed sound. “I can’t believe it. Do you want me to call Uncle Brett?”
“I have a surgeon here. He’s good.”
He could hear the disapproval in her silence. “Ennis, why? Uncle Brett’s done all your surgeries. You know he’s the best up here, and he knows your knees. Why would you want to go to someone else?”
He was silent.
“Come on, now. You know if it’s your ACL, you need Brett to do the surgery. You’re not going to play any more this season, so you should just come home and let us take care of you.”
Ennis finally let his mind accept the truth: the injury was handing him just what he wanted, a way to break away from Jack. He had to end this, to get away and let them both go on with their lives. What he couldn’t understand was, if he was getting what he wanted, why did he feel so bad?
“Jack-my roommate-can take care of me,” he said feebly, almost wanting her to convince him otherwise.
“Ennis, he’s a grown man. I mean, I’m sure you two are friends, but is he going to want to nursemaid you? And what if he has to go on the road? You can’t be up and around too much. Just come home. Brett can do the surgery, and I’m sure Anne-Marie would help out too. Maybe you two will get back together-“
“Mom,” Ennis almost wailed, “please don’t start that again. I can’t deal with this right now.” His voice nearly breaking, he cursed himself for his weakness, knowing he was falling and even if there was a safety net, he wasn’t going to grab for it.
“All right,” she said in a quiet voice. “Do you want me to call Brett, and have him call you?”
“Yeah,” Ennis capitulated, feeling disgusted with himself. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome. You’ll be okay until you can get home? Can you fly? I can fly down there and come back with you.”
“No, it’s okay,” he assured her. “I have to get the swelling down. I’m supposed to meet with the surgeon next week.”
“Maybe Brett can call him and consult on it,” his mother offered.
“Let me think about it,” Ennis replied glumly. They talked for a few more minutes and then he hung up. He laid the cell phone on the bed beside him and turned to look out the window at the bright winter sunshine, wondering why such a beautiful day was mocking him, making him feel worse than he already felt.
***
“Ennis?” Jack called softly from the other side of the door. “You awake?”
Ennis rubbed his eyes, unaware that he had drifted off to sleep since talking to his mother. “C’mon in.”
Jack entered the room. “Hey. How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” shrugged Ennis. “Whatcha got there?”
“Submarine sandwiches from The Pig and Whistle,” Jack said, holding out the tray. “You hungry?”
“Starving,” Ennis replied as he took his plate from Jack. “Thanks.”
“I got you the turkey-ham-salami combo. Hope that’s okay.”
“I’d eat horsemeat at this point,” Ennis grinned, biting into the sandwich. “Hey, did you get my pills?”
Jack reached into his pocket and tossed the bottle to him. “How’s the knee feel?”
“Aches,” Ennis said around a bite of sandwich. He grabbed the bottle and popped two pills, washing them down with a cup of water Jack got him. He didn’t want to talk about his knee, seeing as it was the source of, and the solution to, all his problems.
Jack was quiet as he ate his sandwich. The two men didn’t speak much; it was hard for each of them. Jack didn’t want to be a complete tool and tell Ennis he knew how he felt; Ennis would be angry, if not insulted, and Jack didn’t want to make him any more upset. They ate thoughtfully for awhile. Jack asked Ennis if he needed anything; Ennis said no and quieted down again. Even though he thanked Jack for the lunch, Jack felt it was half-hearted and he decided to leave Ennis alone to nap.
***
The next few days passed fitfully. Jack tried to help Ennis without being annoying, but Ennis’s reactions were the same to everything: dull, listless, and depressed. Jack thought about calling Dr. Hayes and mentioning it, but then realized it would be invading Ennis’s privacy, so he didn’t.
Jack went to practice every day and endured question after question about Ennis from their teammates. Some of the guys dropped by the house to say hello. Pierre and Marc came by to play cards but after a few hands of lackluster poker they shrugged back into their coats and left. Ennis was just not into any activity other than looking out the window.
Jack worried about Ennis’s deepening depression. He tried to cheer him up in little ways, like making his favorite meals. Once he plugged in his iPod to speakers and did a sexy little dance to ‘Candy Shop’ by 50 Cent, knowing it was one of Ennis’s favorite songs. For a fleeting moment Jack thought Ennis’s eyes conveyed some amusement and maybe even a tinge of lust, but just as quickly, the look disappeared from Ennis’s face, leaving him stone-like, and Jack had to admit defeat. Another day he brought home some flowers, a bright bouquet, explaining that they were just to liven up Ennis’s dark bedroom. He didn’t want Ennis to overreact, thinking Jack was flirting with him or buttering him up in any way to get back in his bed.
That was the other part that hurt: ever since his injury, Ennis had insisted on sleeping alone in his own room with the door closed. Not that they would have been able to do anything sexually, Jack knew that. He’d foolishly hoped-no, assumed-that their sleeping arrangements would go on as before, staying together in one room so that if Ennis needed anything, Jack could get it for him. And truth be told, what Jack missed the most was that big body next to him. He wanted to hold him and comfort him and assure him that he wasn’t going to go anywhere. But Ennis’s stubbornness and dark moods negated all that, and Jack spent a lot of time in his own room, staring at the ceiling in sadness, wondering when this was all going to end, hoping that the surgery could be done soon so Ennis could get on the road to rehabilitation and recovery-not just for his knee, but for his mood and attitude as well. He waited every night for Ennis to change his mind and invite him into his bed; every night he went to bed alone, disappointed, and frustrated, and most nights he was even too bummed to jerk himself off. It hurt too much, knowing his fantasy was right in the next room and wanted nothing to do with him.
One thing Jack did notice-or hear, rather-was that Ennis as spending a lot of time on his cell phone in his room. The door was typically shut while the mysterious calls were being made and Ennis never offered any details later, which confused and hurt Jack. But he also knew he couldn’t push Ennis on it. He would have to be patient and let Ennis come around on his own.
Jack began to feel like a CD that had a skip in it, and the skip just kept telling him to wait, wait, wait for Ennis. He just wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out.
TBC…