Seven Ancient Wonders - Matthew Reilly.
Hi all,
Long time reader, occasional comment leaver, first time big poster.
Below, a somewhat deleriously tired and misspelt rant about the dipshit Matthew Reilly and his vile book, Seven Ancient Wonders. He makes me weep for the future of Australian literature.
By the way, I apologise if the lj cut doesn't work, I'm too tired.
Spoilers Below....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate Reilly. I hate him so much, I really just can't describe it. He makes me sick to my stomach.
I bought Contest.. read it, thought it was stupid, bland and had very little in the way of anything *thrilling*. I swore I would never buy another book from him but unfortunately, I accidently bought Seven Ancient Wonders.
I can't tell you how much I hated it... Reading it was like staring at a car crash.. you know its wrong but you just can't help it.
I hated Lily.. her freaking 'swear jar!' made me want to grab hold of her and pound her revolting little face into the ground, I was actually hoping she would die! She has zero character flaws, is incredibly intelligent, can read languages no-one else can of which knowledge comes to her SUDDENLY!, she is loved by everyone who meets her except the baddies because they are baddies and she is so super speshul that she can do anything in the whole wide world!1!1! OMFG.. its Reilly himself in a little girls dress?!?!?!
The soldiers were all cardboard cut-outs.. no personality at all. Yeah, a woman soldier called... wait for it... Bloody Mary! WoW!! so super speshul call sign! Oh and the 'Gandalf' of the book is actually called Wizard.. noooo.. no fucking way!.. dude, so cool!! Whats way cooler is the fact the black man of the book is called.. wait for it.. Fuzzy! Dude, you should have gone all the way and called him Golliwog!
Breaking into Guantanamo Bay prison.. yeah.. just like that.. awesome and easy.. only takes about half an hour to plan according to Reilly!!
As for Fucktard Jack West.. yeah, I don't care how megasuperspeshul soldier you are, you don't just shrug off getting your arm dissolved by lava with a.. 'wow, can you make me a super speshul robot arm?' I'm pretty sure even Rambo would have been brought to his muscular knees with pain.. but no, Jack just waltzes off.. feeling nothing in the way of pain or distress.
Also, if you had lost 3 days of your life.. couldn't remember where they went almost 10 years ago or how ever long it is.. you would get a CAT scan pretty much immediately.. 'cause, you know, memory problems are often the first sign of.. oooh, I don't know... fucking brain cancer???
The chip in his brain or locator or whatever so wasn't a twist.. pathetic.
Villians are crap and boring and one dimensional.. I even hated the stupid bird! As for all his elaborate traps and shit that everyone had to go through in order to get the acient stones, despite having maps for them, I couldn't work out what the fuck was happening! Also, please correct me if I am wrong.. but where the hell do you get super heated *mud* capable of burning a man alive in the freaking desert.. and *how* do you pipe it into the aforementioned elaborate traps... and ensure it is kept super dooper heated for over a thousand years?
But what really pisses me off about him?
His use of Italics every second word, along with ! at the end of every third sentence. For fucks sake, get yourself a proper editor, one that will tell you to stop handing in first drafts and passing them off as a finished product.
Reilly, I hate you. I hope you die, you freakin' embarrassment to Australia.
Long time reader, occasional comment leaver, first time big poster.
Below, a somewhat deleriously tired and misspelt rant about the dipshit Matthew Reilly and his vile book, Seven Ancient Wonders. He makes me weep for the future of Australian literature.
By the way, I apologise if the lj cut doesn't work, I'm too tired.
Spoilers Below....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate Reilly. I hate him so much, I really just can't describe it. He makes me sick to my stomach.
I bought Contest.. read it, thought it was stupid, bland and had very little in the way of anything *thrilling*. I swore I would never buy another book from him but unfortunately, I accidently bought Seven Ancient Wonders.
I can't tell you how much I hated it... Reading it was like staring at a car crash.. you know its wrong but you just can't help it.
I hated Lily.. her freaking 'swear jar!' made me want to grab hold of her and pound her revolting little face into the ground, I was actually hoping she would die! She has zero character flaws, is incredibly intelligent, can read languages no-one else can of which knowledge comes to her SUDDENLY!, she is loved by everyone who meets her except the baddies because they are baddies and she is so super speshul that she can do anything in the whole wide world!1!1! OMFG.. its Reilly himself in a little girls dress?!?!?!
The soldiers were all cardboard cut-outs.. no personality at all. Yeah, a woman soldier called... wait for it... Bloody Mary! WoW!! so super speshul call sign! Oh and the 'Gandalf' of the book is actually called Wizard.. noooo.. no fucking way!.. dude, so cool!! Whats way cooler is the fact the black man of the book is called.. wait for it.. Fuzzy! Dude, you should have gone all the way and called him Golliwog!
Breaking into Guantanamo Bay prison.. yeah.. just like that.. awesome and easy.. only takes about half an hour to plan according to Reilly!!
As for Fucktard Jack West.. yeah, I don't care how megasuperspeshul soldier you are, you don't just shrug off getting your arm dissolved by lava with a.. 'wow, can you make me a super speshul robot arm?' I'm pretty sure even Rambo would have been brought to his muscular knees with pain.. but no, Jack just waltzes off.. feeling nothing in the way of pain or distress.
Also, if you had lost 3 days of your life.. couldn't remember where they went almost 10 years ago or how ever long it is.. you would get a CAT scan pretty much immediately.. 'cause, you know, memory problems are often the first sign of.. oooh, I don't know... fucking brain cancer???
The chip in his brain or locator or whatever so wasn't a twist.. pathetic.
Villians are crap and boring and one dimensional.. I even hated the stupid bird! As for all his elaborate traps and shit that everyone had to go through in order to get the acient stones, despite having maps for them, I couldn't work out what the fuck was happening! Also, please correct me if I am wrong.. but where the hell do you get super heated *mud* capable of burning a man alive in the freaking desert.. and *how* do you pipe it into the aforementioned elaborate traps... and ensure it is kept super dooper heated for over a thousand years?
But what really pisses me off about him?
His use of Italics every second word, along with ! at the end of every third sentence. For fucks sake, get yourself a proper editor, one that will tell you to stop handing in first drafts and passing them off as a finished product.
Reilly, I hate you. I hope you die, you freakin' embarrassment to Australia.