Bound in Bleh
Hello all. Long time reader, first time poster. This community actually inspired me to seek out an elusive item: a book that I can't finish. I started out at the library, where I randomly picked out this book:
Yep, I found a gay vampire novel. I normally don't read either gay or vampire novels, but I figured, why not?
By all appearances Jean-Luc "Jack" Courbet has the perfect life. His art critiques appear regularly in The New York Times. His Greenwich Village apartment is filled with tasteful antiques. And his finely chiseled face and body make him an object of longing for the men he meets in clubs and bars- men who satisfy his dual need for pleasure and cruel pain. But beneath the glittering social whril of Jack's elite lifestyle lies a deadly secret; he is a vampire, transformed a century ago in Paris by his powerful stepfather.
Now, driven by an age-old thirst for vengeance and locked in a game of cat-and-mouse with the mother who wants to destroy him, Jack haunts the streets of New York City, hunting for sex and blood- until he falls for aspiring actor and model, Claude Haloran. In Claude, Jack glimpses the innocent he once was and who gives meaning to a life lived in darkness. This erotic journey of the heart will take Jack beyond the threshold of desire into the pain of his own past- from France's closted nobility to the hidden obsessions of Victorian London- and finally into a present-day world of flesh and fantasy where love and lust are more than appetites... but the keys to survival.
First things first: Jack is a narcissistic ass. I didn't like him at all. On page one: "Jean-Luc Courbet has an unceasing love affair with his mirror. This and any mirror."
But... vampires shouldn't be able to see themselves in a mirror... Whatever. After we're given a detailed glimpse into "Life at Jack's Place", we follow him into the gay nightlife of NYC and watch as he seduces and kills men. Almost every kill runs a little something like this:
Victim: I'm a lonely man with homosexual tendencies, sitting here in this bar.
Jack: I'm a sexy and willing man. Let's go somewhere private, din- uh, I mean dude.
Victim: Ok. I'll share a sad, partially endearing fact about my life while we have sex.
Jack: That's nice. *nomnomnom*
Victim: *dies*
Sadly, this routine of "Jack at home, Jack outside" goes on for five chapters before any major plot development happens. The only other thing to happen in this span of writing is when Jack meets Claude...locked out of the apartment in just his skivvies.
"'Hello gorgeous,' says a man, perhaps twenty-four years old, who is sitting on Jack's stoop He lounges there naked, save for a small pair of nylon bike shorts...
'Good evening,' Jack answers. He immediately appraises the man. Dark, curly hair, slightly on the longish side. Enormous emerald green eyes and a dazzling, rakish smile of perfect white teeth. And, although a bit thicker and slightly shorter, a body rivalling Jack's own. A body with no apparent tan line."
And if you think that was bad, Claude is worse:
"Jack brushes past him and opens the door. 'Coming, Claude?'
'Don't mind if I do.' Claude stands up and stretches, rubbing his full length against Jack... 'What do you do?' Jack asks as he opens his apartment door. 'Anything you like,' Claude counters, drawing his strong-looking hand under Jack's lapel and slowly down his jacket zipper. He grasps the tab and looks up.
'For a living, Claude?' Jack stands back at arm's length."
If that were me in Jack's position, I'd have pepper-sprayed Claude. In my opinion, he has all the charm of a leg-humping Chihuahua. Yet for some reason, Jack takes a liking to Claude, choosing to let him live and planning to make him a vampire instead of merely a late-night dinner.
Once we've slogged through the five chapters of killing, we FINALLY get a glimpse into Jack's past. Apparently his mother Noel was a famous actress in Paris until some woman named Sarah Bernhardt started making a name for herself. She tries to maintain her prominence in society with her ever-faithful son by her side and marries Phillipe, the Marquis de Charnac, in the process. She becomes a vampire and, without her knowing, Phillipe makes Jack one as well.(The scene in which this happens is not only sex scene failure, but also not for the easily squicked. I'll put it in the comments if you really want to know what it is.) Noel, angered at both her husband and her son for their betrayal, stabs Phillipe with a unicorn's horn (I'm not making that up), and Jack flees France, his mother in hot pursuit.
It's not long before Jack sees his mother in NYC and we see Jack's mommy issues come to light. He sleeps with and kills a girl just because she reminded him of her, and he is attracted to an actress, Laura, because she reminded him of what his mother used to be. While we're on the topic, you should know that his mother is chasing after Jack for two reasons: to find out where Phillipe hid his Complete Idiot's Guide to Being a Vampire books of ancient vampire knowledge,and to kill Jack. She even frames Jack for killing people that he didn't kill and contributing to the image of a serial killer the media dub "The Horror of West Street".
It all culminates into a mess with death, a policeman who strongly resembles Jack, and a showdown at a pier without Noel. Oh, and Claude turns out to be a vampire in cahoots with Noel, but still is annoying. The ending is very anticlimatic, and hints at a sequel (which, sadly, does exist).
None of the characters develop in the book, at least not enough for me to notice any change. Jack stays mostly heartless, Claude stays mostly annoying, and everyone else is just there. The only characters I thought were the most interesting were Noel, Phillipe, and Laura; Noel was conniving enough to hold my interest (she's the real Jack the Ripper, apparently), Phillipe was equally cunning but didn't get enough "screen time", and Laura... well, I really wanted her to live.
There were a couple of things that added to the vampire aspect (a semi-scientific reason for why vampires can't stand the light; the phases of the moon tying in with how powerful they are), but that was only enough to make me forgive the whole mirror thing. As for the gay aspect... well, I'm not gay and I don't really read gay fiction, so I can't comment on it. This little scene between Jack and Claude, however, made me think that this wasn't exactly "erotic":
" [Jack] rasps his tongue from Claude's earlobe, down his vibrantly pulsing neck, over his supra clavicular nerves, around his deltoids to his intercostobrachial nerve... Claude corresponds to Jack's sexual aggression by pressing his well-schooled tongue against Jack's sterno mastoid muscle, running it down his auricular nerve and jugular vein and back to Jack's trapezius muscle... Down he presses his hands to Jack's trapezius muscle, warm as a heating pad. Lower and lower and warmer and warmer, Claude presses down to his latisimus dorsi. Down the latisimus dorsi to the heat of Jack's ass, separating cotton from skin and cheek from cheek."
Um... was that gay porn or a human anatomy book? I don't know myself.
Anyway, I wouldn't bother with this book. It only seems to fit in a very small niche, and I'm sure there are better books in that same niche. I did read the entire thing though, so my quest for a book that I cannot finish continues.
Oh, and just because I feel like it, here's a cringe-worthy piece as a zinger:
"Jack stands and observes humself, dressed only in pearl silk boxer shorts, reflected in the mirror. 'Bud Renfielt,' he blathers in his best/worst impression of Bela Lugosi, "you hav no reevlegshun!"
...Yeah.
Yep, I found a gay vampire novel. I normally don't read either gay or vampire novels, but I figured, why not?
By all appearances Jean-Luc "Jack" Courbet has the perfect life. His art critiques appear regularly in The New York Times. His Greenwich Village apartment is filled with tasteful antiques. And his finely chiseled face and body make him an object of longing for the men he meets in clubs and bars- men who satisfy his dual need for pleasure and cruel pain. But beneath the glittering social whril of Jack's elite lifestyle lies a deadly secret; he is a vampire, transformed a century ago in Paris by his powerful stepfather.
Now, driven by an age-old thirst for vengeance and locked in a game of cat-and-mouse with the mother who wants to destroy him, Jack haunts the streets of New York City, hunting for sex and blood- until he falls for aspiring actor and model, Claude Haloran. In Claude, Jack glimpses the innocent he once was and who gives meaning to a life lived in darkness. This erotic journey of the heart will take Jack beyond the threshold of desire into the pain of his own past- from France's closted nobility to the hidden obsessions of Victorian London- and finally into a present-day world of flesh and fantasy where love and lust are more than appetites... but the keys to survival.
First things first: Jack is a narcissistic ass. I didn't like him at all. On page one: "Jean-Luc Courbet has an unceasing love affair with his mirror. This and any mirror."
But... vampires shouldn't be able to see themselves in a mirror... Whatever. After we're given a detailed glimpse into "Life at Jack's Place", we follow him into the gay nightlife of NYC and watch as he seduces and kills men. Almost every kill runs a little something like this:
Victim: I'm a lonely man with homosexual tendencies, sitting here in this bar.
Jack: I'm a sexy and willing man. Let's go somewhere private, din- uh, I mean dude.
Victim: Ok. I'll share a sad, partially endearing fact about my life while we have sex.
Jack: That's nice. *nomnomnom*
Victim: *dies*
Sadly, this routine of "Jack at home, Jack outside" goes on for five chapters before any major plot development happens. The only other thing to happen in this span of writing is when Jack meets Claude...locked out of the apartment in just his skivvies.
"'Hello gorgeous,' says a man, perhaps twenty-four years old, who is sitting on Jack's stoop He lounges there naked, save for a small pair of nylon bike shorts...
'Good evening,' Jack answers. He immediately appraises the man. Dark, curly hair, slightly on the longish side. Enormous emerald green eyes and a dazzling, rakish smile of perfect white teeth. And, although a bit thicker and slightly shorter, a body rivalling Jack's own. A body with no apparent tan line."
And if you think that was bad, Claude is worse:
"Jack brushes past him and opens the door. 'Coming, Claude?'
'Don't mind if I do.' Claude stands up and stretches, rubbing his full length against Jack... 'What do you do?' Jack asks as he opens his apartment door. 'Anything you like,' Claude counters, drawing his strong-looking hand under Jack's lapel and slowly down his jacket zipper. He grasps the tab and looks up.
'For a living, Claude?' Jack stands back at arm's length."
If that were me in Jack's position, I'd have pepper-sprayed Claude. In my opinion, he has all the charm of a leg-humping Chihuahua. Yet for some reason, Jack takes a liking to Claude, choosing to let him live and planning to make him a vampire instead of merely a late-night dinner.
Once we've slogged through the five chapters of killing, we FINALLY get a glimpse into Jack's past. Apparently his mother Noel was a famous actress in Paris until some woman named Sarah Bernhardt started making a name for herself. She tries to maintain her prominence in society with her ever-faithful son by her side and marries Phillipe, the Marquis de Charnac, in the process. She becomes a vampire and, without her knowing, Phillipe makes Jack one as well.(The scene in which this happens is not only sex scene failure, but also not for the easily squicked. I'll put it in the comments if you really want to know what it is.) Noel, angered at both her husband and her son for their betrayal, stabs Phillipe with a unicorn's horn (I'm not making that up), and Jack flees France, his mother in hot pursuit.
It's not long before Jack sees his mother in NYC and we see Jack's mommy issues come to light. He sleeps with and kills a girl just because she reminded him of her, and he is attracted to an actress, Laura, because she reminded him of what his mother used to be. While we're on the topic, you should know that his mother is chasing after Jack for two reasons: to find out where Phillipe hid his Complete Idiot's Guide to Being a Vampire books of ancient vampire knowledge,and to kill Jack. She even frames Jack for killing people that he didn't kill and contributing to the image of a serial killer the media dub "The Horror of West Street".
It all culminates into a mess with death, a policeman who strongly resembles Jack, and a showdown at a pier without Noel. Oh, and Claude turns out to be a vampire in cahoots with Noel, but still is annoying. The ending is very anticlimatic, and hints at a sequel (which, sadly, does exist).
None of the characters develop in the book, at least not enough for me to notice any change. Jack stays mostly heartless, Claude stays mostly annoying, and everyone else is just there. The only characters I thought were the most interesting were Noel, Phillipe, and Laura; Noel was conniving enough to hold my interest (she's the real Jack the Ripper, apparently), Phillipe was equally cunning but didn't get enough "screen time", and Laura... well, I really wanted her to live.
There were a couple of things that added to the vampire aspect (a semi-scientific reason for why vampires can't stand the light; the phases of the moon tying in with how powerful they are), but that was only enough to make me forgive the whole mirror thing. As for the gay aspect... well, I'm not gay and I don't really read gay fiction, so I can't comment on it. This little scene between Jack and Claude, however, made me think that this wasn't exactly "erotic":
" [Jack] rasps his tongue from Claude's earlobe, down his vibrantly pulsing neck, over his supra clavicular nerves, around his deltoids to his intercostobrachial nerve... Claude corresponds to Jack's sexual aggression by pressing his well-schooled tongue against Jack's sterno mastoid muscle, running it down his auricular nerve and jugular vein and back to Jack's trapezius muscle... Down he presses his hands to Jack's trapezius muscle, warm as a heating pad. Lower and lower and warmer and warmer, Claude presses down to his latisimus dorsi. Down the latisimus dorsi to the heat of Jack's ass, separating cotton from skin and cheek from cheek."
Um... was that gay porn or a human anatomy book? I don't know myself.
Anyway, I wouldn't bother with this book. It only seems to fit in a very small niche, and I'm sure there are better books in that same niche. I did read the entire thing though, so my quest for a book that I cannot finish continues.
Oh, and just because I feel like it, here's a cringe-worthy piece as a zinger:
"Jack stands and observes humself, dressed only in pearl silk boxer shorts, reflected in the mirror. 'Bud Renfielt,' he blathers in his best/worst impression of Bela Lugosi, "you hav no reevlegshun!"
...Yeah.