Lots of words ahoy.
You are the single parent of a preschool-aged child (4). You work full-time. Your child has serious medical issues that require constant medication, blood checks, and specialist involvement.
You marry someone who has a child the same age as yours. Due to tough circumstances, he lives with your spouse's parents, who have guardianship.
This person you've married has a work schedule that puts them away from home for a week at a time, 2 weeks a month. (1 week home, 1 week gone, 1 week home, 1 week gone, etc.)
About 8 months into your marriage, your spouse's parents decide that NOW is the ideal time for your spouse's child to move permanently into your family.
The child is taken out of their home of 4 years (albeit with Grandma & Grandpa) and is moved into your house. He has some defiant behaviors, is not fully potty-trained (nearly 5 years old), and appears to have some anger issues. He has frequently miserable behavior at school (though the behavior is not seen at home) that requires he's sent home mid-day.
The kid seems to have fun with his new step-sibling, but often talks about how much he is missing home and wishes he was never at his new home. Some bad behaviors increase - mostly at school - and you spend your weekends and evenings (when your spouse is gone) constantly correcting and controlling the behavior at home. YOU are sinking into a deep depression - this wasn't your life before. Your spouse being gone half (or sometimes more than half) the time means you are Mommy and Daddy to this kid who's lived an entirely different life up until this point.
Your spouse is worried this will eventually lead to the end of your marriage, and that makes them very nervous. Your spouse talks to their parents, and recommends they take the child back, for an undisclosed amount of time. May be 6 months, may be 4 years. Depends on the situation. Your spouse is very concerned that the child is unhappy, homesick, and this move is causing irreparable damage to the child.
Part of you wants to send the kid back - life was easier before this, remember? But another part of you is worried about the anger and defiant behaviors the child had already learned at Grandma & Grandpa's house - not potty trained by 5? If the child goes back for X amount of time, will more of that accumulate? What will this child be like at 6 or 8 or 10 instead of 4?
Do you push to keep the child with you, or do you let the child go back to Grandparents' house?
You marry someone who has a child the same age as yours. Due to tough circumstances, he lives with your spouse's parents, who have guardianship.
This person you've married has a work schedule that puts them away from home for a week at a time, 2 weeks a month. (1 week home, 1 week gone, 1 week home, 1 week gone, etc.)
About 8 months into your marriage, your spouse's parents decide that NOW is the ideal time for your spouse's child to move permanently into your family.
The child is taken out of their home of 4 years (albeit with Grandma & Grandpa) and is moved into your house. He has some defiant behaviors, is not fully potty-trained (nearly 5 years old), and appears to have some anger issues. He has frequently miserable behavior at school (though the behavior is not seen at home) that requires he's sent home mid-day.
The kid seems to have fun with his new step-sibling, but often talks about how much he is missing home and wishes he was never at his new home. Some bad behaviors increase - mostly at school - and you spend your weekends and evenings (when your spouse is gone) constantly correcting and controlling the behavior at home. YOU are sinking into a deep depression - this wasn't your life before. Your spouse being gone half (or sometimes more than half) the time means you are Mommy and Daddy to this kid who's lived an entirely different life up until this point.
Your spouse is worried this will eventually lead to the end of your marriage, and that makes them very nervous. Your spouse talks to their parents, and recommends they take the child back, for an undisclosed amount of time. May be 6 months, may be 4 years. Depends on the situation. Your spouse is very concerned that the child is unhappy, homesick, and this move is causing irreparable damage to the child.
Part of you wants to send the kid back - life was easier before this, remember? But another part of you is worried about the anger and defiant behaviors the child had already learned at Grandma & Grandpa's house - not potty trained by 5? If the child goes back for X amount of time, will more of that accumulate? What will this child be like at 6 or 8 or 10 instead of 4?
Do you push to keep the child with you, or do you let the child go back to Grandparents' house?