(no subject)
I would never want to be tedious. I think that would be the worst thing. Its bad enough when I annoy myself. Really if the sound of my voice bothers me its not looking good for you either. I made this gawky man boy cry today. His religious jewelry just smiling that happy jesus loving smile. A part of me in my head licked his tears just to make the moment better. The thought of it made me peppy all day. Ha why cry when you have jesus and the rest of the trinity?
How can you be haunted by a man you’ve never met.? Really its uncanny. Beautiful and horrifying and that’s always what swallowed me before. Moving on.
I wish I could let go of hatred. Its more of that feeling I bundled up when you threw me away. That empty that turned black and solid and far too tangible. Knowing that you knew all of who I really am and still left. That’s what I hate you for. I gave you all of it shared with you myself. I don’t share well. And then to hold on to pieces of me. My precious memories. I wont those back. If your not going to be in my life then I don’t have to share give them back.
I used to love being cold. But his year seems different. I can never really get warm. Cant sleep. Its like I’m just not where I’m supposed to be. Its not quite right. I’m not quite right.
I sit here and this keyboard is all letters and number and it still doesn’t ever quite make sense in my head how to get it all out. A birthing or even vomit would be quicker than this. All at once and not these partial thoughts I try to string together.
How can you be haunted by a man you’ve never met.? Really its uncanny. Beautiful and horrifying and that’s always what swallowed me before. Moving on.
I wish I could let go of hatred. Its more of that feeling I bundled up when you threw me away. That empty that turned black and solid and far too tangible. Knowing that you knew all of who I really am and still left. That’s what I hate you for. I gave you all of it shared with you myself. I don’t share well. And then to hold on to pieces of me. My precious memories. I wont those back. If your not going to be in my life then I don’t have to share give them back.
I used to love being cold. But his year seems different. I can never really get warm. Cant sleep. Its like I’m just not where I’m supposed to be. Its not quite right. I’m not quite right.
I sit here and this keyboard is all letters and number and it still doesn’t ever quite make sense in my head how to get it all out. A birthing or even vomit would be quicker than this. All at once and not these partial thoughts I try to string together.