treading water..
so i am back from new orleans... if you wanna ready more about it check out my myspace blog. I am pretty sure all of you are friends with me on myspace and if not then you best be taking action necessary for that to happen. I would really love to say that it turned me more on to God but in all honesty it turned me off. Prolly because we had to go to church every single night and they way they treated me when I was sick was not right. I wouldnt treat anyone that crappy if they were sick. I have been struggling lately with God. I mean sometimes I do miss the "old" life I had. It was fun. I am not ashamed to say that I liked drinking and getting drunk occasionally and just chilling. now its like all the people I hang out with talk about is Jesus. Thats cool but at the same time i am like cant we talk about something else. Everyone is ADX is so like against everything and i hate that. I still like stuff that maybe i shouldnt but i am turned off about reliegion right now. Prolly because on the BSU trip I have never felt so judged in my life. I also wonder if I am slipping back into deporession. Some of the symptoms are there. Not sleeping at night but sleeping most of the day during the day, isolating, not being motiovated to do anything and really not having an appetite. My pyschatrist said that if i did ever get there usually an increased dosage of medication will make it better. I am only 25mg and an "offical" dose is 50.
I think i just feel really alone again. I dont have a roomate and so that is one reason why. I love not having a roomate but i also have no one to talk to or be like hey wanna watch a movie or anything like that. It gets lonely. I thought I was more important in somebody;s life than it seems I really am which hurts! Also says to me that I dont think I am ready for a relationship because there is really no reason for me to be mad but i am a lil bit. And i know i shouldnt be but i cant help feeling like he should know better. If you are too busy for me, fine but at least have the decency to call me and tell me that. Dont string me alone waiting for something to happen. I know what will happen too... he will call and we will hang out and things will be how they should be for a while but then it will just go back to him being too busy. I mean he is graduating in may and so maybe its better this way but you never know what could happen and thats what is killing me. I would love to try and possibly see but it takes two and obviulsy that is not happening... boys will always be the downfall of me.... blah!
I think i just feel really alone again. I dont have a roomate and so that is one reason why. I love not having a roomate but i also have no one to talk to or be like hey wanna watch a movie or anything like that. It gets lonely. I thought I was more important in somebody;s life than it seems I really am which hurts! Also says to me that I dont think I am ready for a relationship because there is really no reason for me to be mad but i am a lil bit. And i know i shouldnt be but i cant help feeling like he should know better. If you are too busy for me, fine but at least have the decency to call me and tell me that. Dont string me alone waiting for something to happen. I know what will happen too... he will call and we will hang out and things will be how they should be for a while but then it will just go back to him being too busy. I mean he is graduating in may and so maybe its better this way but you never know what could happen and thats what is killing me. I would love to try and possibly see but it takes two and obviulsy that is not happening... boys will always be the downfall of me.... blah!