複雑な片思い
I thought, this time, I'd take the road wherever it led me -- and I'm pretty sure I've come to a roadblock. It's time to turn back and go with the original plan. It's a little bit sad to go back to the beginning, but there are things to be gained from other paths. I'll tell myself that and hope I can start believing it soon.
I'm being a little bit vague because it's fresh and embarrassing, and I can't believe I'm doing this again.
ANYWAY.
Within 10 feet list, today:
Ensign:
Today I met Senator Ensign -- he was just coming up the stairs alone! And I talked to him -- perhaps because I started by telling him I was from Nevada, but he was really nice and interested in me and all and I felt a little bad to tell him I was working for a Democrat. I realize now that if I had just unabashedly told him who I was working for, it wouldn't have mattered. Shouldn't have hesitated. Ehh. But the man is the chair of the National Republican Senatorial campaign committee or whatever it's called. It's like his responsibility to strategize and find ways to unseat Democrats and keep Republican seats...!
White House:
I also took my tour of the White House this morning! It's so security-ized that we could only really go into five or six rooms... which was interesting and all, but not what I expected. It was a self-guided tour and took only about 20 minutes. So, technically, I could also say that I was within some distance of President Bush today, too, because I know he was there most of the day today. It is, obviously, really nice and the art was really cool because all of the official Presidential portraits, I guess, appear to be in those reception rooms. I was talking to my mom about when she went, and the soft brownish portrait of JFK looking downwards left a really strong impact on her, too! I really liked that one. Also, the Hillary Clinton portrait was very nice and tasteful... there were many more. The curtains were pretty, too, and the flowers...
Boys, boys, boys:
I went on the White House tour with four boys from the office, and I was preparing myself to be self-conscious for that but it wasn't bad. I think I conducted myself mostly non-awkwardly throughout the morning and for that I am very proud. I have been especially awkward around one of them, but I think I regained myself. Sometimes I want so much for boys to be a normal part of my life *______* I met with one of them about an hour early and we were going to get coffee... and found out that two others were going to meet us somewhere else. We ended up exiting the train station from different exits so we kept calling each other to try to find out where the other was... which was really amusing.. while I was calling the other group to see where they were. We finally all met up and went to Starbucks and I spent way too much money on caffeine and sugar I didn't really want or enjoy, but whatever. Apparently I am a social coffee-drinker. We walked to the White House together, walked through, and had lunch. I had a very good time, even if boys walk too fast for me to keep up DDDDD:
Boys/social skills:
Also, that experience was proof that girls are not the only ones with drama. Two of them didn't like each other and there was some palpable friction. While we were at the coffeehouse, too, everyone was really quiet, so I felt obligated to somehow attempt conversation... which I think worked. I am mastering my 空気を読む-ing skills, you know.
Judge-y people:
Also also also, I spent a lot of time with one of the two aforementioned boys that was kind of drama-prone... he's a high school student and most definitely gay. He was pretty nice to me today because we were stalking Hillary Clinton together (which almost requires its own story but guhh this is getting so long) but he has more attitude than I am comfortable with and is freer with insulting and criticizing? people than I am comfortable with. When he doesn't like someone or thinks someone is stupid, it is so clear in his attitude... and I don't like associating myself with that, but it also scares me because I can easily imagine that he has things to say about me, too. Ehhh, he makes me wary. I like him, but I wish he was more guarded with his expressions, I guess.
Oh, but he is so gay. Today he (un-prompted!) demonstrated his "model walk" and said he could be "the next Miss Jay" from ANTM, seemed fixated on the curtains and other interior decorations at the White House to the near exclusion of all else, makes comments about the calories and cholesterol in foods, and uses the phrases "that's so tight" and "obvi." It doesn't help that his voice is really high pitched. Ohoho, but he amuses me so much.
Hillary Clinton:
She came back to Senate today after her post-concession behavior. She looks really good and refreshed again. Her suit was... flamboyant. I heard someone had caught a glimpse of her somewhere and wanted badly to see her, so I loitered around her office for a while with no luck. I went back again later in the afternoon and found a bunch of press and someone I knew, who told me she was supposed to come. I was pushed over to the side because I wasn't her intern (which was annoying, fuck, because I worked harder for her in December and January than I think any of her interns are now, ugh) ... she was taking too long so I left, collected the boy who was really into her too, and we went back. He like dragged me and ran. Wow. Anyway, we watched her take individual pictures with her interns and then we were going to try to catch her on her way back to her office but she went the other way into a back door. What. DDDDDDDDDD:
I was watching TV later and found out that apparently there was this whole barrage of people outside waiting for her and greeting her as she came to work in the morning (I guess, I didn't see what time) and I am really depressed that I somehow missed all of these things. I know I have until August but I feel like I came so close... augh, so sad.
BC Hockey:
I also went to the reception commemorating the BC Hockey Team's NCAA win. Senator Kerry spoke and there were some more people. Really, I was in it for the food. And, like three hours later, I'm still full even though they only really had appetizers. Ha.
And a note at the end-- Jin is always there when I need a pick me up. Ahh, I will always come back to you at the end of the day, Johnny's.
I'm being a little bit vague because it's fresh and embarrassing, and I can't believe I'm doing this again.
ANYWAY.
Within 10 feet list, today:
- Kaye Hutchison (this woman is like everywhere I go)
- Barbara Boxer (!!! I SHOULD HAVE SAID HI, ughh stupid stupid)
- John Ensign
- Dick Durbin (his security detail was giving me stern looks. what did I do >(!)
- John Kerry
- HILLARY CLINTON
- at least one I didn't recognize ;__;
Ensign:
Today I met Senator Ensign -- he was just coming up the stairs alone! And I talked to him -- perhaps because I started by telling him I was from Nevada, but he was really nice and interested in me and all and I felt a little bad to tell him I was working for a Democrat. I realize now that if I had just unabashedly told him who I was working for, it wouldn't have mattered. Shouldn't have hesitated. Ehh. But the man is the chair of the National Republican Senatorial campaign committee or whatever it's called. It's like his responsibility to strategize and find ways to unseat Democrats and keep Republican seats...!
White House:
I also took my tour of the White House this morning! It's so security-ized that we could only really go into five or six rooms... which was interesting and all, but not what I expected. It was a self-guided tour and took only about 20 minutes. So, technically, I could also say that I was within some distance of President Bush today, too, because I know he was there most of the day today. It is, obviously, really nice and the art was really cool because all of the official Presidential portraits, I guess, appear to be in those reception rooms. I was talking to my mom about when she went, and the soft brownish portrait of JFK looking downwards left a really strong impact on her, too! I really liked that one. Also, the Hillary Clinton portrait was very nice and tasteful... there were many more. The curtains were pretty, too, and the flowers...
Boys, boys, boys:
I went on the White House tour with four boys from the office, and I was preparing myself to be self-conscious for that but it wasn't bad. I think I conducted myself mostly non-awkwardly throughout the morning and for that I am very proud. I have been especially awkward around one of them, but I think I regained myself. Sometimes I want so much for boys to be a normal part of my life *______* I met with one of them about an hour early and we were going to get coffee... and found out that two others were going to meet us somewhere else. We ended up exiting the train station from different exits so we kept calling each other to try to find out where the other was... which was really amusing.. while I was calling the other group to see where they were. We finally all met up and went to Starbucks and I spent way too much money on caffeine and sugar I didn't really want or enjoy, but whatever. Apparently I am a social coffee-drinker. We walked to the White House together, walked through, and had lunch. I had a very good time, even if boys walk too fast for me to keep up DDDDD:
Boys/social skills:
Also, that experience was proof that girls are not the only ones with drama. Two of them didn't like each other and there was some palpable friction. While we were at the coffeehouse, too, everyone was really quiet, so I felt obligated to somehow attempt conversation... which I think worked. I am mastering my 空気を読む-ing skills, you know.
Judge-y people:
Also also also, I spent a lot of time with one of the two aforementioned boys that was kind of drama-prone... he's a high school student and most definitely gay. He was pretty nice to me today because we were stalking Hillary Clinton together (which almost requires its own story but guhh this is getting so long) but he has more attitude than I am comfortable with and is freer with insulting and criticizing? people than I am comfortable with. When he doesn't like someone or thinks someone is stupid, it is so clear in his attitude... and I don't like associating myself with that, but it also scares me because I can easily imagine that he has things to say about me, too. Ehhh, he makes me wary. I like him, but I wish he was more guarded with his expressions, I guess.
Oh, but he is so gay. Today he (un-prompted!) demonstrated his "model walk" and said he could be "the next Miss Jay" from ANTM, seemed fixated on the curtains and other interior decorations at the White House to the near exclusion of all else, makes comments about the calories and cholesterol in foods, and uses the phrases "that's so tight" and "obvi." It doesn't help that his voice is really high pitched. Ohoho, but he amuses me so much.
Hillary Clinton:
She came back to Senate today after her post-concession behavior. She looks really good and refreshed again. Her suit was... flamboyant. I heard someone had caught a glimpse of her somewhere and wanted badly to see her, so I loitered around her office for a while with no luck. I went back again later in the afternoon and found a bunch of press and someone I knew, who told me she was supposed to come. I was pushed over to the side because I wasn't her intern (which was annoying, fuck, because I worked harder for her in December and January than I think any of her interns are now, ugh) ... she was taking too long so I left, collected the boy who was really into her too, and we went back. He like dragged me and ran. Wow. Anyway, we watched her take individual pictures with her interns and then we were going to try to catch her on her way back to her office but she went the other way into a back door. What. DDDDDDDDDD:
I was watching TV later and found out that apparently there was this whole barrage of people outside waiting for her and greeting her as she came to work in the morning (I guess, I didn't see what time) and I am really depressed that I somehow missed all of these things. I know I have until August but I feel like I came so close... augh, so sad.
BC Hockey:
I also went to the reception commemorating the BC Hockey Team's NCAA win. Senator Kerry spoke and there were some more people. Really, I was in it for the food. And, like three hours later, I'm still full even though they only really had appetizers. Ha.
And a note at the end-- Jin is always there when I need a pick me up. Ahh, I will always come back to you at the end of the day, Johnny's.