sing it sister
for those who know me in real life, you know that i really am an accident waiting to happen. you will be one of the many who have seen my bruises and have said any or all of the following:
a) what the hell did you do?
b) dear god! what IS that thing on your arm?!?
c) a parking metre???
d) you're sure your husband doesn't beat you?
e) ew. that bruise is gross.
my recent injuries include, but are not limited to:
a) bruise on my knee. was black in colour. tripped on clothes on the bedroom floor.
b) bruise on upper thigh. green in colour. mystery, but from the shape, it looks like i walked into a desk.
c) bruise on upper arm. black in colour. just about healed now, after three weeks. parking metre on blowers st.
d) gouged out chunk of skin on right middle finger. not exactly sure how.
e) paper cut on right middle finger. from five file folders in my satchel.
these are just the notable injuries. any other bruises/cuts are not worth mentioning.
in the past i have been known to:
a) get bag caught in front wheel of bike, flipping it arse over kettle in the middle of an intersection. no major injuries. (carleton place, grade four).
b) riding bike (well, neck) into a metal wire dog run (it hadn't been there before, and it was a popular shortcut from one street to another). long red bruise cut across neck from where the dog run stopped me and my bike kept going. (pasadena, grade eight?)
c) fallen wearing roller skates while standing still in my nana's driveway (one of the few paved driveways in town). buckled fracture, left wrist. the irony: i used to wear my skates delivering newspapers, which involved me walking up and down people's steps wearing roller skates. (pasadena, grade seven)
d) fell on icy steps. sprained finger. xray didn't show any major damage. (halifax, december 04)
e) magnet up nose. later swallowed said magnet while waiting for doctor to examine (after waiting for hours in the waiting room of the cobequid medical centre). (lower sackville, 1997, age 19)
so this is why natalie dee is so damn funny today:
a) what the hell did you do?
b) dear god! what IS that thing on your arm?!?
c) a parking metre???
d) you're sure your husband doesn't beat you?
e) ew. that bruise is gross.
my recent injuries include, but are not limited to:
a) bruise on my knee. was black in colour. tripped on clothes on the bedroom floor.
b) bruise on upper thigh. green in colour. mystery, but from the shape, it looks like i walked into a desk.
c) bruise on upper arm. black in colour. just about healed now, after three weeks. parking metre on blowers st.
d) gouged out chunk of skin on right middle finger. not exactly sure how.
e) paper cut on right middle finger. from five file folders in my satchel.
these are just the notable injuries. any other bruises/cuts are not worth mentioning.
in the past i have been known to:
a) get bag caught in front wheel of bike, flipping it arse over kettle in the middle of an intersection. no major injuries. (carleton place, grade four).
b) riding bike (well, neck) into a metal wire dog run (it hadn't been there before, and it was a popular shortcut from one street to another). long red bruise cut across neck from where the dog run stopped me and my bike kept going. (pasadena, grade eight?)
c) fallen wearing roller skates while standing still in my nana's driveway (one of the few paved driveways in town). buckled fracture, left wrist. the irony: i used to wear my skates delivering newspapers, which involved me walking up and down people's steps wearing roller skates. (pasadena, grade seven)
d) fell on icy steps. sprained finger. xray didn't show any major damage. (halifax, december 04)
e) magnet up nose. later swallowed said magnet while waiting for doctor to examine (after waiting for hours in the waiting room of the cobequid medical centre). (lower sackville, 1997, age 19)
so this is why natalie dee is so damn funny today: