sinking into the devil

[bonified]

how many times does it take
to change how stupid i look
how many jobs
how many conversations
to change a perception
a conception
of something i have to inahabit
fear choking my neck
hheart beating
head filled with static
and dread
of a single person
no
of failure
defeat
inadequacy
to ever handle the stress
to ever be self sufficient
to other people
knowing full well
that when it leaves
this fog of self deceit
self defeat leaves
i will be unstoppable
i will be stare in your face
until you look away
i will tell you the way it is
and watch you say
watch you second guess
and pray
that you really were
a life trick that i want to have up my sleave
want to always keep behind my back
but never find myself behind
want to turn into the people
who made me need to use it