No Gum in the Library, part 1
My career in the Engineering Library of Michigan State University started simply enough: I needed a job and they needed someone to hire. It might as well have been me, though if they were looking for someone more hard-working, they probably should have left the job vacant.
I started my job on May 14, 2007 at 8 in the morning. Some call that a typical time to wake up - I call it homicide. Perhaps I’m lazy…I certainly don’t rule that option out. However, when you have grown accustomed to staying awake until 3am each night, then sleeping until 12:30pm the next afternoon, waking up at 8am is a bit of a shock to your system.
When I was first offered the job, I thought that working in an Engineering Library for the university’s summer session would involve little to no work, which I felt was perfect for my personal work ethic. I am the sort who would like to get paid to do things like browse the internet at my leisure, sit in a semi-comfortable chair, and take a break every once in a while to stretch out my legs. This job offered me all of the above. However, I am also accustomed to doing jobs that a semi-intelligent monkey could do with the proper instruction - in fact, for most of my summer jobs, I live in constant fear that my employers will find out about monkeys, thus rendering me unemployed. The library is actually the first job I’ve had that depends mostly on human interaction - something that, at least for the time being, most monkeys will fail to grasp. This is perfect in terms of job security in the event that a monkey should offer to work for lower wages, but slightly less than ideal for someone with little patience for most people.
Many people act impressed when I tell them I work at a library. “Oh wow!” they’ll say. I believe that this is the result of years of brainwashing by “Looney Tunes” and other children’s programs that depict library employees as rather stuffy intellectuals that are very well versed in literature. I fancy myself familiar with literature, but quite frankly, a working knowledge of literature is completely useless for an employee of an engineering library. The fact is, there is really nothing all that impressive about what I do other than the fact that I’ve managed not to cause any of the patrons I come in contact with any physical harm yet.
On most days, I work about 4-5 hours a day. This isn’t much, but it brings me enough money to pay for the things I feel that I need, as well as pay a few bills. Although the days are short, they provide enough time to successfully establish a list of the typical engineering library patrons.
The pushy foreign student. I used to think that Asians, Indians, and Middle Easterners were friendly, understanding, and laid back. Then I discovered an entirely new breed of them at the Michigan State Engineering Building. These are the students that will argue with you over just about anything. Simply put, they won’t take “no” as an answer, or even a suggestion. Fear this group, for they pose the greatest danger for the library employee’s sanity and criminal record. Their school work is their life, and it sure as hell had better be yours, too.
At first glance, your typical pushy foreign student looks like any other library patron. They approach the desk to check out their books or ask a question and give no warning of the massive pain in your ass they are about to cause. You greet them as you would greet any other patron, and before you can even finish asking them how they are doing, you are cut off. Most just ask for a reserve book that doesn’t exist, or it does exist, it’s just for a class that isn’t being held for another two years. Most of the time, I know exactly what classes have books on the shelf and which don’t, but I humor them and look it up on the computer anyways, each time hoping beyond hope that the absence of the book title on my computer screen will provide adequate proof of the books status. Each time, I am horribly disappointed. Typically, an argument ensues. They continue to demand a book that you cannot produce - there can be no clear winner. Sometimes they will understand after a few explanations. Other times they leave angry. Each time, they leave not getting what they want, and I return to the comfort of my chair - another piece having been chiseled away at the great boulder of my soul.
It’s a common misconception that only engineering students work in the engineering library. It’s simply not true. I’m a Political Science major. I wouldn’t know the difference between Mechanical Engineering and Civil Engineering if it was carved into my butt cheeks. Really, none of the staff of the library have any background in engineering, with the possible exception of our head librarian, who we’ll talk about later. Most people will accept this without blinking and find it perfectly acceptable - not, however, our pushy foreign students. To them, the library staff is a fountain of engineering wisdom - or at least, it should be. At least once a week, I will be torn away from catching up on my web comics by the sound of book slamming on desk. I know before I even look away from my screen who is standing at the desk and what they want. I call him Steve, though I don’t think that’s his real name. He comes to us from Beijing, China. Though his English is surprisingly broken, he speaks in such a way that allows me to understand him much better than I understand most of our native English speaking patrons. Steve is the guy that I love to hate - he is always asking me for things that I simply can’t provide for him. Many dark nights I toss and turn, knowing that the following day, Steve is going to be looking to me for the answers to his problems. Perhaps I will try to take Steve under my wing and provide him with practical life lessons, but that’s another day and another story.
It seems like each time Steve asks me for homework help, he is even more shocked when I tell him that I am still not an engineering student. He persists, thinking that if he simply rephrases the question, the knowledge will eventually come to me and I will be able to open the windows of my mind and let my wisdom pour out. Unfortunately for Steve, the only windows that will likely be opened any time soon are the large library windows, and only long enough for me to throw him out. Perhaps someday will make a movie about Steve and I - the obstacles we overcome and the laughs we have in our adventures together. Or maybe they’ll write a novel about the tragic murder-suicide - of the library employee who just couldn’t take the pressure anymore and finally OFFED his Chinese companion.
I started my job on May 14, 2007 at 8 in the morning. Some call that a typical time to wake up - I call it homicide. Perhaps I’m lazy…I certainly don’t rule that option out. However, when you have grown accustomed to staying awake until 3am each night, then sleeping until 12:30pm the next afternoon, waking up at 8am is a bit of a shock to your system.
When I was first offered the job, I thought that working in an Engineering Library for the university’s summer session would involve little to no work, which I felt was perfect for my personal work ethic. I am the sort who would like to get paid to do things like browse the internet at my leisure, sit in a semi-comfortable chair, and take a break every once in a while to stretch out my legs. This job offered me all of the above. However, I am also accustomed to doing jobs that a semi-intelligent monkey could do with the proper instruction - in fact, for most of my summer jobs, I live in constant fear that my employers will find out about monkeys, thus rendering me unemployed. The library is actually the first job I’ve had that depends mostly on human interaction - something that, at least for the time being, most monkeys will fail to grasp. This is perfect in terms of job security in the event that a monkey should offer to work for lower wages, but slightly less than ideal for someone with little patience for most people.
Many people act impressed when I tell them I work at a library. “Oh wow!” they’ll say. I believe that this is the result of years of brainwashing by “Looney Tunes” and other children’s programs that depict library employees as rather stuffy intellectuals that are very well versed in literature. I fancy myself familiar with literature, but quite frankly, a working knowledge of literature is completely useless for an employee of an engineering library. The fact is, there is really nothing all that impressive about what I do other than the fact that I’ve managed not to cause any of the patrons I come in contact with any physical harm yet.
On most days, I work about 4-5 hours a day. This isn’t much, but it brings me enough money to pay for the things I feel that I need, as well as pay a few bills. Although the days are short, they provide enough time to successfully establish a list of the typical engineering library patrons.
The pushy foreign student. I used to think that Asians, Indians, and Middle Easterners were friendly, understanding, and laid back. Then I discovered an entirely new breed of them at the Michigan State Engineering Building. These are the students that will argue with you over just about anything. Simply put, they won’t take “no” as an answer, or even a suggestion. Fear this group, for they pose the greatest danger for the library employee’s sanity and criminal record. Their school work is their life, and it sure as hell had better be yours, too.
At first glance, your typical pushy foreign student looks like any other library patron. They approach the desk to check out their books or ask a question and give no warning of the massive pain in your ass they are about to cause. You greet them as you would greet any other patron, and before you can even finish asking them how they are doing, you are cut off. Most just ask for a reserve book that doesn’t exist, or it does exist, it’s just for a class that isn’t being held for another two years. Most of the time, I know exactly what classes have books on the shelf and which don’t, but I humor them and look it up on the computer anyways, each time hoping beyond hope that the absence of the book title on my computer screen will provide adequate proof of the books status. Each time, I am horribly disappointed. Typically, an argument ensues. They continue to demand a book that you cannot produce - there can be no clear winner. Sometimes they will understand after a few explanations. Other times they leave angry. Each time, they leave not getting what they want, and I return to the comfort of my chair - another piece having been chiseled away at the great boulder of my soul.
It’s a common misconception that only engineering students work in the engineering library. It’s simply not true. I’m a Political Science major. I wouldn’t know the difference between Mechanical Engineering and Civil Engineering if it was carved into my butt cheeks. Really, none of the staff of the library have any background in engineering, with the possible exception of our head librarian, who we’ll talk about later. Most people will accept this without blinking and find it perfectly acceptable - not, however, our pushy foreign students. To them, the library staff is a fountain of engineering wisdom - or at least, it should be. At least once a week, I will be torn away from catching up on my web comics by the sound of book slamming on desk. I know before I even look away from my screen who is standing at the desk and what they want. I call him Steve, though I don’t think that’s his real name. He comes to us from Beijing, China. Though his English is surprisingly broken, he speaks in such a way that allows me to understand him much better than I understand most of our native English speaking patrons. Steve is the guy that I love to hate - he is always asking me for things that I simply can’t provide for him. Many dark nights I toss and turn, knowing that the following day, Steve is going to be looking to me for the answers to his problems. Perhaps I will try to take Steve under my wing and provide him with practical life lessons, but that’s another day and another story.
It seems like each time Steve asks me for homework help, he is even more shocked when I tell him that I am still not an engineering student. He persists, thinking that if he simply rephrases the question, the knowledge will eventually come to me and I will be able to open the windows of my mind and let my wisdom pour out. Unfortunately for Steve, the only windows that will likely be opened any time soon are the large library windows, and only long enough for me to throw him out. Perhaps someday will make a movie about Steve and I - the obstacles we overcome and the laughs we have in our adventures together. Or maybe they’ll write a novel about the tragic murder-suicide - of the library employee who just couldn’t take the pressure anymore and finally OFFED his Chinese companion.