Snow daze (and not the shitty movie from the late 90's)
This morning, I did what I do every morning: I flipped my laptop on to check my usual sites. I couldn't help but notice the Weather Channel ticker that I downloaded Friday night blinking blue and red. This seemed odd to me, so I double clicked on it. As I was waiting for the ticker to load, I looked out the window next to my desk. Outside, the sun was shining, the snow was melting, and the temperature was slowly increasing. The ice that has been caking MSU's sidewalks was finally starting to vanish. "It's going to be a good week!" I told myself.
I looked back at the screen and immediately began to swear. A winter storm warning for East Lansing. 6 inches could be expected, but more would not be out of the question. I suppose I should rejoice at the thought of another week of a snow-covered campus with the possibility of classes being canceled, but I guess I'm probably ungrateful. You see, MSU seems to be of the opinion that tuition dollars could be better spent on other projects rather than shoveling snow from the sidewalks. Immediately after the snowfall, this is really no big deal. However, after about an hour of steady pedestrian traffic, the snow becomes a trampled bed of ice-snow. Eventually, this gives way to pure ice. In the paper the other day, there was an article describing a shortage of salt for the roads and sidewalks throughout the state. Apparently jobs aren't the only thing Michigan has a hard time keeping within the state.
I've had enough. I've devised a short list of options that I will explore to help solve the problem of slick campus sidewalks...
1.) Walk around with a book of matches, constantly lighting matches and throwing them on the ground in front of me. This would ideally slowly melt the ice, making the sidewalks easier to navigate.
PROS: Though short-term results would be disappointing, I am confident that the long term benefits would make the end worth the cost. Snow would melt and the ground would be warmed, making future snowfall less likely to ice up my walking space.
CONS: Probably illegal. Very good chance of throwing too close a tree or some leaves and burning campus down. Jail time.
2.) Cover my feet in glue, helping them stick to the ground and making slips and slides less likely.
PROS: Would be easy and probably wouldn't involve jail. Instant short-term results.
CONS: Probably a stupid idea that won't work. More likely to mess up carpet than stick to sidewalks. Will make unwanted roadside crap stick to my shoes rather than pavement.
3.) Cover the ground in chewed bubble gum. Covers ice and makes ground sticky.
PROS: Get to chew tastey gum and walk around campus not worrying about cleaning it off the bottoms of my shoes - I'll make sure I'm wearing my room mate's.
CONS: Probably just as stupid as #2, if not a little more. Littering = legal fines.
4.) Do what Indiana does and cover the sidewalks in sand.
PROS: Instant traction, environmentally friendly, simply washes away after next rainstorm.
CONS: Annoying if you get any in mouth. Where the fuck do I get sand with 6 inches of snow on the ground?!
5.) Slip and sue the pants off the school for not properly maintaining the sidewalks.
PROS: Lots of money. Apology note from school. Sidewalks cleared as soon as school served legal papers.
CONS: Broken hip.
Clearly, I have a lot of issues to work out of my ideas with little time to work with.
I looked back at the screen and immediately began to swear. A winter storm warning for East Lansing. 6 inches could be expected, but more would not be out of the question. I suppose I should rejoice at the thought of another week of a snow-covered campus with the possibility of classes being canceled, but I guess I'm probably ungrateful. You see, MSU seems to be of the opinion that tuition dollars could be better spent on other projects rather than shoveling snow from the sidewalks. Immediately after the snowfall, this is really no big deal. However, after about an hour of steady pedestrian traffic, the snow becomes a trampled bed of ice-snow. Eventually, this gives way to pure ice. In the paper the other day, there was an article describing a shortage of salt for the roads and sidewalks throughout the state. Apparently jobs aren't the only thing Michigan has a hard time keeping within the state.
I've had enough. I've devised a short list of options that I will explore to help solve the problem of slick campus sidewalks...
1.) Walk around with a book of matches, constantly lighting matches and throwing them on the ground in front of me. This would ideally slowly melt the ice, making the sidewalks easier to navigate.
PROS: Though short-term results would be disappointing, I am confident that the long term benefits would make the end worth the cost. Snow would melt and the ground would be warmed, making future snowfall less likely to ice up my walking space.
CONS: Probably illegal. Very good chance of throwing too close a tree or some leaves and burning campus down. Jail time.
2.) Cover my feet in glue, helping them stick to the ground and making slips and slides less likely.
PROS: Would be easy and probably wouldn't involve jail. Instant short-term results.
CONS: Probably a stupid idea that won't work. More likely to mess up carpet than stick to sidewalks. Will make unwanted roadside crap stick to my shoes rather than pavement.
3.) Cover the ground in chewed bubble gum. Covers ice and makes ground sticky.
PROS: Get to chew tastey gum and walk around campus not worrying about cleaning it off the bottoms of my shoes - I'll make sure I'm wearing my room mate's.
CONS: Probably just as stupid as #2, if not a little more. Littering = legal fines.
4.) Do what Indiana does and cover the sidewalks in sand.
PROS: Instant traction, environmentally friendly, simply washes away after next rainstorm.
CONS: Annoying if you get any in mouth. Where the fuck do I get sand with 6 inches of snow on the ground?!
5.) Slip and sue the pants off the school for not properly maintaining the sidewalks.
PROS: Lots of money. Apology note from school. Sidewalks cleared as soon as school served legal papers.
CONS: Broken hip.
Clearly, I have a lot of issues to work out of my ideas with little time to work with.