The Breeder 2.1: Further Adventures in Procreational Pursuits :D
CAUTION: Adult Themes & Sex. Maybe nudity? Oh, and there will still be spelling errors. SUCH WOE!
Furthering on in the hallowed pursuit of finding ugly progeny Salus by ZombieJill is reputed to produce. Effort one produced average and sometimes adorable kids, largely awkward teenagers (but not all) and then either average or lovely adults (except for poor Skeletor's Bride, Lila). NOT GOOD ENOUGH! NEED TO SEE FUGLY ACTION! IT'S ADVERTISED, WE WANT OUR MONEY'S WORTH!
Part one of The Breeder ver 2.0 involved our intrepid sperm bank out on the hunt for a prospective uterus. Uterus secured, we're moving on to the guts of the experiment: MAKING DA BBS!
Back from the incredibly speedy honeymoon (did they just drive around and have a lot of sex in the limo?) Vanessa jumps from the back seat and sprints all the way around the house (WTH!?) in order to experience morning sickness in the middle of the night. Wondering if you're pregnant, honey? YES YOU ARE!
OH you SO are..!
Coming to a screen near you: THE COTTONATORRRRRRRR!!! Woe betide ye if ye be a pink catnip filled mouse...! WOE!!
LE POP!! No dust capture for me though ;_; Vanessa? Why switch to the white underwear now, honey? You've kind of skipped right over the chaste card, even though you did manage an incredibly well-timed shotgun marriage to avoid the bastard chilluns'. Props for that, btw.
Vanessa proves just how Zen she really is by managing to sleep comforably while half hanging off of a couch. LEVITATION!! That plushie giraffe is 100% impressed.
So I fail at judging how much space is needed to accommodate a room with a double bed, atleast two children's beds and two cribs at the same time Saul and Vanessa decide that Saul's bachelor shack is too small to accomodate a growing family of 400 babies and so they sell up and buy some delectable seafront real estate, courtesy of the fact that Vanessa's mother is loaded -- her wedding present to the happy couple.
*did not just make a bitterly terrible sims in-joke pun*
*denies all knowledge*
They build a two story house into the side of the sloping lot, lot of decking and pagoda-inspired stairs; install a pool & entertainment area at the bottom of the yard; and have trees native to Vanessa's home in GenericAsiaTown™ transplanted throughout the property.
Their first meal in their new home together. Awww, salad! NOSTALGIA *sparkles*
Poppy pops around for a visit with Jonas and Lila. She and Saul form an instant bond, lightning bolts all round, but awwwww! Poor Lila, can't catch a break ;_; Saul is all over your sister and totally has the attractions to your mother, but you? You're totally out ;_; We really are going to have to hook you up with Skeletor ;_;
Saul: I love watching you bend over, heavily pregnant, making yourself espresso, Vanessa ma petite fleur..!
Me: WHAT?! O_O;;; Also, Vanessa? CAFFIENE IS NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY. GO TO BED IF YOU'RE TIRED. Its not like you have a job you have to be awake for. *sigh*
Why do Sim mums always plug themselves full of coffee? There's a tea table RIGHT THERE, I'd totally support tea over mainlining espresso.
So I thought I should start entertaining Saul's LTW of breeding 20 puppies or kittens, so I had him adopt an elderly tom cat named Tweed.
And then I remembered: Cotton is a boy.
Huh.
I am so smart... S-M-R-T......
Vanessa: SHOOFLEA?!??!?
Vanessa goes into much-anticipated labour in the nursery. Not only are you totally Zen, you're also COMPLETELY CONVENIENT. Never leave, Vanessa? EVER! Wait, I guess you're contractually obliged to stick around until you've had four hundred babies. WHO THOUGHT OF PUTTING THAT IN YOUR CONTRACT?! Whoever that was was a genius! *sparkles*
Meet Saul and Vanessa's first born son, Brannigan.
Vanessa may be looking upon her child with eyes of exhausted mother-love, but WE CAN SEE DIFFERENTLY. The experiment could totally stop RIGHT HERE. WE HAVE PROOF OF INSANITY AND FREAKEN HORROR. Brannigan? You got smutz on ya' face, kid. O_O;;
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU! Hot men can sometimes magically transform your uterus into a coal mine, and force your unborn foetuses to work constant shifts cracking stone, singing slave tunes until they contracts the black lung. NINE MONTHS SOLID IN A COAL MINE, NO BREAKS. The child, he never stood a chance. *hangs head*
Because ZombieJill advertises ugly babIES, not just baby XD; a few hours after Brannigan's birth they're BACK IN ACTION..! TWINS THIS TIME, KTHX?? More babies at once = more productivity! And do I ever enjoy productivity and efficiency. MmMmmmmm delicious efficiency.
Also, I kind of want them to keep popping them out till atleast one baby has Vanessa's skin tone. You know, for variety. And to prove that her uterus isn't irreversibly turned into a non-renewable source of fossil fuel ;_;
WHOA! Vanessa is PLEASED with Saul's form. If I had a quads hack, surely he would've just utilised it to its full potential?
TWEED! STOP THAT! I know you were mistakenly promised fathering many babies in your old age, but that's no reason to take out your sexual frustration on Vanessa's decorative bamboo. >_<;;;
RIP PINK CATNIP MOUSE
*moment of silence*
Guess Tweed isn't the only one experiencing massive sexual frustration... Cotton! What did the poor mouse ever do to you!?
Uh... Poppy? RUN. OH GOD RUN FOR YOUR LIFE..! Please do not become another furry statistic, fated to roam the earth on full moons being a fuzzy and enjoying rolling about in leaves and faeces with other furry-kind. You're already a woman -- ONE crazy cyclic issue at a time, k?
If in doubt, lets always fall back to the cardinal rule, k? Vampires hot; Werewolves not. Unless you're Derik Gardner. Which you're not. And thats a pretty specific exit clause. Which you're not eligible to use. So. Uh. Neener?
YES! POP+DUST!!!! Not only that but picturesque pop+dust+INQUISITIVE DOGGIE! :D YAY!!!
Hai Echo! I hope to get you into the house if I can! *cuddles cute stray doggie*
Brannigan becomes.... A TODDLER!! And the effects of the coal mine are begginning to fade a little -- or atleast normalise. *laughs* He is a cutie little SHINY baby. Mum's brown hair, Dad's 75% Cocoa skin, and his eyes. But none of the :| face, he's happy about everything. I mean EVERYTHING. OH LOOK CARPET! *glee* ZOMG MY TOE! *ECSTACY*
BWAHAHAAA!
Brannigan: YAY TWEED *GLOMP*
Tweed: O_O HALP
Vanessa: *absent mindedly humming Madame Butterfly to herself*
Tweed and Brannigan seem to almost be the same colour. INTERESTING. I'd be suspicious, Vanessa, if I didn't know you were already pregnant when the cat came into the house....
Oh maaaaaaaan, whichever expansion gives you the Bay Window is completely 100% worth it for the pet interactions. Poor Tweed, being a glompee can be tiring. <3333
Vanessa? There are no words to describe exactly how lame your poetry is. Your future as a best selling novellist has been shot to pieces is probably solid as the best seller lists are usually filled with this tripe. BAH! XD
Or is that trope? *eyes moonlapse*
FAIL VANESSA! Pancake facials will do nothing for your complexion. ALTHOUGH she never went into this much exhaustion and motive failure when she was pregnant with Brannigan... DID YOU GIVE ME TWINS LIKE I ASKED, HONEY!??!!?!
Awww aren't you a good little Uterus!? Imma give you a never ending supply of cookies. *cuddles*
SAUL WTH IS GOING ON?! You're not allowed to have sympathy fat just because your wife is full of foetus. ESPECIALLY NOT IN THAT OUTFIT. BAAH TO THE POOL WITH YOU..!
*gasp* WHAT WAS IT THAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT YOU TWO BEFORE?!?!
*narrows eyes*
Kittens in the ready kid's room! SO CUTES!!!!
I really have to get you two uteruses of your own, sorry for the initial cock up. Please don't eat me in my sleep, k? /crazy cat lady
POOL FTW! Also, awesome you managed to do that before your next day at work. Doing that FUGLY ARSE FACT CHECKING UNIFORM a little more justice. Where does it say that a fact checker has to wear an all-white suit? Is that a movie reference that I'm not remembering or something? SOMEONE ENLIGHTEN ME PREASE? :D :D
PS: Anyone else wish you could go from fat to super healthily fit in about 6 hours of swimming? DAMN YOU SIMMIES!
Cute couples make me squee. I'm sorry, they just do so bad. <3333 Vanessa went out to see Saul off to work, and then they both thought about each other the whole time he was driving down the street. Eeeeeee! <33
HAI AGAIN ECHO! *snuggles*
ECHO LEAVE THE DECORATIVE BAMBOO ALONE..! O_O;;;
Oh yeah, the more important focus of this photo: ARMAGAD BABY TIME ON THE FRONT PORCH!
Kaylynn is all ZOMG LABOUR CALL THE AMBULANCES!!
No wait, apparently she's not >_>;; GOD KAYLYNN WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?! Its like they've all turned up for a show or something. Thanks guys, you're really helpful, she's giving birth on the front verandah and none of you even get towels or boil water or anything?
MailmanJoe, stop freaking out and go CALL SOMEONE. WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
Um, does anyone else think that Kaylynn seems to be getting some kind of sadistic pleasure out of watching Vanessa attempt to push coal-miners out of her belly? O_O;;;;;
YES YES YES!! GO YOU BIG RED FIRE ENGINE!
AWWW! HI SUNNY! She's been working down in those mines for a good nine months, same everything as her dad. Vanessa is all YAY YAY YAY!!! *sighs* Saul why you do this to your wife/offspring?
Um, about here, when I was showing this photo to moonlapse, he kinda pointed something out.... HOW DID I MANAGE TO DO THAT!?
Guess I'm gonna have to do a 3.0 breeding experiment with a uterus thats ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FOR ONCE. I guess Salus and Poppy/Vanessa/ThatFaceTemplate are destined to be OTP forever in my universe? That's actually... Kind of really beautiful. *gets all teary* ALWAYS DESTINED TO FIND EACH OTHER!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Sunny's on the floor, cause all the 'help' are completely useless and of no help at all. *sigh* This is little Autumn! HELLO LITTLE AUTUMN..! :D Was it easier for you down in those pitch black shafts to have a sister to help you mine those compressed dead dinosaurs?
Okay. Well... I should really stop here and go onto 3.0. But... Um. I AM STUBBORN AND I WANT VANESSA-SKIN TONED BABIES FOR EQUALIBRIUM..! Or something.... Also, this is true love people! TRUE LOVE! Would the Princess Bride lie to you?
So I gotta play it out a little further... /hopeless romantic
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Caustion to Dial up Peoples: about 40 piccies - much less than usual I'll grant you XD
I did this a week or so ago, and I was going to add more pics to it before I posted, but I dunno when I'll be able to throw them up so I thought, what the hell, mini update :D