I don't know
I have no idea what is going on. I have still been hanging out with Billy, and things are... mediocre. Nothing exciting, nothing has changed. He has been sweet off and on, like before. He still has no job, and still has no where to live. So it's not like I am ready to get back in a relationship, but I am still looking for... something. We don't do anything affectionate past hugging and cuddling, sometimes he kisses me on the forehead. We still say I love you every once in a while, not too often. I still get suspicious, I mean, why shouldn't I. He gets angry at me cuz he says nothing is going on. So I have to "trust" him. *sigh* Trust isn't like that, I have told him. I am the kind of person that needs to be shown proof. I haven't seen much change though.
I am just tired of life. I am tired of everything. I have things I can't escape from, things that I cannot control. I don't want to go through my entire life feeling like this. And it isn't just the Billy situation. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to be the one taking care of him; he should be taking care of me. I have no money as it is, it's driving me crazy.
I need to lose weight, cuz that is driving me nuts as well. I feel unattractive and I just don't want people looking at me because I feel like I am constantly being judged. Doesn't help when you break up with your boyfriend because he has been talking to skinnier, younger girls or anything...
I feel like, if I didn't have to work, I would be so much happier. But I come here, sit and do my work for 8 hours, and I am really sad. I go hang out with Billy after work, and that is my only source of happiness, which isn't good. Cuz there are times that he doesn't make me happy, so my whole day just ends up shitty.
I am just tired of life. I am tired of everything. I have things I can't escape from, things that I cannot control. I don't want to go through my entire life feeling like this. And it isn't just the Billy situation. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to be the one taking care of him; he should be taking care of me. I have no money as it is, it's driving me crazy.
I need to lose weight, cuz that is driving me nuts as well. I feel unattractive and I just don't want people looking at me because I feel like I am constantly being judged. Doesn't help when you break up with your boyfriend because he has been talking to skinnier, younger girls or anything...
I feel like, if I didn't have to work, I would be so much happier. But I come here, sit and do my work for 8 hours, and I am really sad. I go hang out with Billy after work, and that is my only source of happiness, which isn't good. Cuz there are times that he doesn't make me happy, so my whole day just ends up shitty.