the emptiness i've found

[boisterousnegro]

Today was awful. I know that's probably really shallow of me to say, because I did not get raped or kidnapped or lose anyone close to me. But it was just one of those days when I just felt trapped in my own house, a prisoner to my own negative thoughts, and was constantly on the verge of tears. I guess it began from the beginning. I woke up around

Comments

[kristerella]

although i am not moving out and becoming independent, i know the way you are feeling. and it brings tears to my eyes to see people like you carrying on with your lives and do something with it. sure i say im happy for you all and what you have accomplished, but then hate and jealousy and regret starts to fill up my heart. and what does that lead to? depression.

see what i am dealing with is depression. regrets and crying so hard, that i forget why i am crying. knowing that i am stuck here, unhappy. knowing i could be packing my bags somewhere, living the life i want to live. hearing confident spoiled friends talk about their future as i fill my heart with rage, so upset with the choices i made.

but as for you, you are growing up. you may be fed up with friends and family right now, but look at what you have ahead of you. you are fulfilling your future with what you want to do. and here is your family, supporting you and paying for your education. (be thankful) as for friends, some may be immature which allows you to give off those fake smiles, or whatever. but its really up to you to decided how important friendships are. if you are meant to keep in touch with a friend then it was meant to be a wonderful friendship.

i know this isnt the first time you have heard me say this but i admire you sarah. you are my role model, someone who i look up to and appreciate what they have done with themselves. i am not saying you are a "goody goody" or "perfect" (because no one is), but you are confident and extremely talented which in my eyes, i see the closest to perfect. you have no idea how much respect i have for you. i'll never forget our memories and i know we grew apart but we both changed. i cant say a good or bad change, its just you went for what you wanted while i held back and did what other people wanted. i dont know how to stand up for myself and i became intimidated by you because you were doing what you wanted to do.

and that right there shows that you are growing up. i wish you the best in your life.

[boisterousnegro]

Your comment made me so sad, honey bunches. You always manage to make me see ust how pessimistic and selfish I'm being, just by being the sweet, genuine person you are. And I thank you for that. Even if we do lose touch, which I hope won't happen, but if it does, please know that I admire and respect you every bit as much as you respect me.

I hope we can spend some time together before I leave. I will never forget the things you've done for me!