(no subject)
I skipped the last half of my class tonight. guilt, guilt, guilt. So the jew in me comes out.
He is heartbroken. And malicious... as a heartbroken boy typically is.
I practiced my intimate scene wit zev today and couldn't manage to... my clothes off today felt so dirty. And sex with any man, any person today seemed awful.
So now I'm at Martha's apartment. She is not here. She is at the movies. But it's an easier commute from here. Tomorrow I am presenting a scene to David Strasberg. I am also working two intense sense memories, three sisters and doubt. I feel like when tomorrow is over, I will feel... like god. But I always feel that way. That in the fall, everything will be better.
Bogged down with this pain-body. All this food, this skipping school, this guilt, hurting that boy and using it for acting, poorly using it for acting.
God, please infiltrate me. Especially my breasts, as they are seeming rather saggy today. Like my blah disposition.