lack of something
I'm sitting here in my theology class attempting to stay awake. I'm doing terrible in school... this movie is taking over my life. I missed one of my classes last night and was late to my thesis class. Not to mention all of the classes I've missed of my theology and history classes. Sigh. It is so difficult to be making a movie while taking 15 units. Thank god I'm not taking 18 units.
Making this movie has been really insane, though. Everyday is a new adventure, a new learning experience, a new sadness, and a new happiness. I am consistently losing people due to so many different events, but I have to just believe that it will all come together eventually. It's tough to have lost some of the most important people to me. I know that they are there for me, but in the moment, they have to be selfish and think of themselves. Which is fine, because I completely understand. If they hadn't done this, the outcome of my film could have been hurt. None-the-less, it has still be difficult to cope with. This is disregarding the fact that I've lost two actors at different times.
I feel like I've been losing confidence in myself as a DP. It's terrible. I was watching Nick's movie from November and I had so much confidence when I shot that movie. I got exposure and created some decent compositions, I felt. The lighting wasn't anything spectacular, but I've been told it looks pretty good. I felt pretty confident when I was shooting that film, though. Although I had a lack of crew, I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew when I wanted someone to slip a double in or put up 216. Right now, I feel like I've lost that confidence. I feel more as if I knew the equipment well and how to use it, but not as confident about lighting and exposing. I don't know why, either. Is it because I haven't shot anything this semester and haven't been spending any time on set? This is probably why, I guess...
I'm leaving for Barstow today. We're shooting a film up there until Sunday. I have to teach my assistant how to load film today and how to handle all the equipment. He's never assisted before on film, so this should be an interesting experience. We're shooting 35mm, too. I'm a bit nervous to pull focus on 35mm after not working on set this entire semester. :/ Especially because there's no monitor with a clear tap picture, such as the monitor on the RED. It'll be interesting, I suppose.
Making this movie has been really insane, though. Everyday is a new adventure, a new learning experience, a new sadness, and a new happiness. I am consistently losing people due to so many different events, but I have to just believe that it will all come together eventually. It's tough to have lost some of the most important people to me. I know that they are there for me, but in the moment, they have to be selfish and think of themselves. Which is fine, because I completely understand. If they hadn't done this, the outcome of my film could have been hurt. None-the-less, it has still be difficult to cope with. This is disregarding the fact that I've lost two actors at different times.
I feel like I've been losing confidence in myself as a DP. It's terrible. I was watching Nick's movie from November and I had so much confidence when I shot that movie. I got exposure and created some decent compositions, I felt. The lighting wasn't anything spectacular, but I've been told it looks pretty good. I felt pretty confident when I was shooting that film, though. Although I had a lack of crew, I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew when I wanted someone to slip a double in or put up 216. Right now, I feel like I've lost that confidence. I feel more as if I knew the equipment well and how to use it, but not as confident about lighting and exposing. I don't know why, either. Is it because I haven't shot anything this semester and haven't been spending any time on set? This is probably why, I guess...
I'm leaving for Barstow today. We're shooting a film up there until Sunday. I have to teach my assistant how to load film today and how to handle all the equipment. He's never assisted before on film, so this should be an interesting experience. We're shooting 35mm, too. I'm a bit nervous to pull focus on 35mm after not working on set this entire semester. :/ Especially because there's no monitor with a clear tap picture, such as the monitor on the RED. It'll be interesting, I suppose.