(no subject)
In light of last night's egregious loss by the Yankees I have decided to compile a set of interesting statistics to prove that the Yankees are better than the Red Sox and always will be. As we delve into the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry, at first, there are many similarities. Fan subculture, highly paid players and so on. Yet one of the most subtle yet important differences, cleanliness. Yes, that's right. Cleanliness is quite often overlooked. When you sign on the dotted line to become a Yankee you sign away your right to facial hair and long hair. Not a single Yankee has a mustache, gotte, soul patch, braids, corn rows, or dreadlocks. The Red Sox, on the other hand, are to say the least, slobs. Unkempt, lazy and just plain dirty. They don't shave unless their reputation is on the line. And when they do, they promtly grow it back out again. Here I present to you, six examples of the lack of self respect that the Red Sox have.
First and most definitely not foremost, the loathesome center fielder, Johnny Damon:
Next up: Grimey, hand-eye-coordinationaly challenged, Red Sox Catcher, Jason Varitek
'nuff said. Anyways, onwards and ever downwards!
Let's get to know a little bit about Red Sox First baseman and Heavy hitter (pun intended) David Ortiz.
Next we have eccentric 3rd baseman Bill Mueller and his graying beard.
With that out of the way we can get to the rest of this shitty line-up.
Kevin Millar has no friends.
Interesting, no?
I shouldn't speak too soon, he still has time to grow it back out.
Bronson Arroyo's mother should have aborted him.
Am I wrong? didnt think so.
You must be asking yourself, why I have not discussed the yankees thus far in my essay.
Well here you go!
The Yankees: clean cut guys outpreforming slobs since 1903.
Anyways, thats my two cents for now. All I can say is that the outlook does not favor the Red Sox unless they groom themselves before tonights game. Doubtful.