a long week ahead
Froggy left this morning at 5 am to catch a train to Lyon. (He's on a jury at his old school to select new students based on their proficiency in English.) He'll be there until Thursday night....
I was hoping to go with him but with the upcoming operation I'm to undergo another scan (tomorrow at 14h00) and then I'll have a blood test on Wednesday to check my platelets. I must say I have waves of anxiety flowing over me at inconvenient moments (when I want to sleep for example) since the last blood results came back revealing that my cancer markers have increased - only a bit, but still. My oncologist reassured me that oscillation occurs and doesn't necessarily mean anything in particular but I can't help worrying when my mind slips into a calm over which I seem to have little control. This will be the first time that my markers have increased excepting superficially following an operation. What I mean is that after an operation they always shoot up through the roof because my body is still adjusting. However, following this last operation after the initial "through-the-roof" blood work, subsequent tests showed my markers quite low - until last week.
Of course my main concern with the augmentation in my markers is in regards to the question mark hanging over my ovaries. The little devil in my head keeps playing over my father's insistence that some of my eggs be saved before I started chemo - a procedure that my oncologist said repeatedly and convincingly was unnecessary. Of course with the fear of losing them - and despite all my bravado yes it does worry me - the little devil has plenty of ammunition to throw at me when I'm trying to be strong. And so I fight back and tell myself: if it's meant to be so be it. Worrying about it now won't improve the situation. Have faith and confidence in those who have been working to save your life for almost two years now. Be thankful that you've made it this far. I suppose it's human to want to take a mile when offered an inch.
Wow that felt good to get out. I've been fighting the demons in my head since last Friday. Now that Froggy's gone I'll keep myself busy to keep them at bay.
And in other news: my Froggy isn't the only one helping others survive. It's an amusing coincidence that Froggy's favourite mammal is a leopard!
I was hoping to go with him but with the upcoming operation I'm to undergo another scan (tomorrow at 14h00) and then I'll have a blood test on Wednesday to check my platelets. I must say I have waves of anxiety flowing over me at inconvenient moments (when I want to sleep for example) since the last blood results came back revealing that my cancer markers have increased - only a bit, but still. My oncologist reassured me that oscillation occurs and doesn't necessarily mean anything in particular but I can't help worrying when my mind slips into a calm over which I seem to have little control. This will be the first time that my markers have increased excepting superficially following an operation. What I mean is that after an operation they always shoot up through the roof because my body is still adjusting. However, following this last operation after the initial "through-the-roof" blood work, subsequent tests showed my markers quite low - until last week.
Of course my main concern with the augmentation in my markers is in regards to the question mark hanging over my ovaries. The little devil in my head keeps playing over my father's insistence that some of my eggs be saved before I started chemo - a procedure that my oncologist said repeatedly and convincingly was unnecessary. Of course with the fear of losing them - and despite all my bravado yes it does worry me - the little devil has plenty of ammunition to throw at me when I'm trying to be strong. And so I fight back and tell myself: if it's meant to be so be it. Worrying about it now won't improve the situation. Have faith and confidence in those who have been working to save your life for almost two years now. Be thankful that you've made it this far. I suppose it's human to want to take a mile when offered an inch.
Wow that felt good to get out. I've been fighting the demons in my head since last Friday. Now that Froggy's gone I'll keep myself busy to keep them at bay.
And in other news: my Froggy isn't the only one helping others survive. It's an amusing coincidence that Froggy's favourite mammal is a leopard!