Turning my will over
Stan just dropped a bombshell and told me that I should write about it so here goes. It was probably of the most intense conversation of my life, and by conversation I mean me shutting the fuck up and listening. Intentionally.
He said he was going to offer his experience strength and hope, because he knew I was going through a breakup with Desirae. God I don't even know how to convey what I just heard in writing. He offered me his experience with an almost apparent situation. He talked about a woman he broke up with a year ago. A woman he loved unconditionally more than any woman he had ever loved. With a woman that had had never loved him unconditionally aside from his mother. He told me about how intensely he felt for her and how intense the time he has been with her. He said how she was at the time his soul mate and how he wanted, wants, to spend the rest of his life with her. But he shared that he knows that she needs to work on herself. He said that most of the women he's talked to in recovery have a hard time being loved because they're used to being treated like shit and how hard it is to accept unconditional love from someone. He talked about her being alone after their breakup for the first time in her life. So that she could work on herself. I'm struggling here.
What I think I'm supposed to write about though is not how the situations are similar... and they are, but what it means to me. There's a if it's meant to be it's meant to be message that I got, and that if it is then it's going to happen. I can either turn my will over to God or go kicking and screaming. He told me to expect the worst and hope for the best. I asked him if he still hopes to be back with her someday and he said God yes he did, but it may or may not happen and that's not in his power that he has faith in God that if it will it will and if it doesn't it won't.
*pause for cigarette*
I thought about writing a poem to talk about it, and I think I will after this. I don't want to dress it up... I'm going to finish this entry even though I have to get up in the morning.
I went over my third step with Kevin, the one I worked through with the step working guide, but I'm seeing now that, "turning my will and my life over to the care of a loving god" is an unending continual process, and the more I practice it the better things will get. I deserve to be happy and I have faith that God wants me to be happy...
I'll add more tomorrow.
He said he was going to offer his experience strength and hope, because he knew I was going through a breakup with Desirae. God I don't even know how to convey what I just heard in writing. He offered me his experience with an almost apparent situation. He talked about a woman he broke up with a year ago. A woman he loved unconditionally more than any woman he had ever loved. With a woman that had had never loved him unconditionally aside from his mother. He told me about how intensely he felt for her and how intense the time he has been with her. He said how she was at the time his soul mate and how he wanted, wants, to spend the rest of his life with her. But he shared that he knows that she needs to work on herself. He said that most of the women he's talked to in recovery have a hard time being loved because they're used to being treated like shit and how hard it is to accept unconditional love from someone. He talked about her being alone after their breakup for the first time in her life. So that she could work on herself. I'm struggling here.
What I think I'm supposed to write about though is not how the situations are similar... and they are, but what it means to me. There's a if it's meant to be it's meant to be message that I got, and that if it is then it's going to happen. I can either turn my will over to God or go kicking and screaming. He told me to expect the worst and hope for the best. I asked him if he still hopes to be back with her someday and he said God yes he did, but it may or may not happen and that's not in his power that he has faith in God that if it will it will and if it doesn't it won't.
*pause for cigarette*
I thought about writing a poem to talk about it, and I think I will after this. I don't want to dress it up... I'm going to finish this entry even though I have to get up in the morning.
I went over my third step with Kevin, the one I worked through with the step working guide, but I'm seeing now that, "turning my will and my life over to the care of a loving god" is an unending continual process, and the more I practice it the better things will get. I deserve to be happy and I have faith that God wants me to be happy...
I'll add more tomorrow.