Sugar and Candy.
Well, Halloween is around the corner. Costume parties, eggs on houses, and mischief is due. Oh, Halloween. Every year, there's so much potential. Yet every year, I'm without plans, without money, and without motivation, making for a snooze of a holiday. I usually take in the Hallow's Eve by locking my doors, shutting off the lights, and watch a slew of movies until I fall asleep. An unfortunate tradition that I don't really like, but a tradition nonetheless. Ironically, I have the same tradition at Thanksgiving, although that one is more accepted. Movies after a feast is pleasant. Movies instead of mischievious fun is not ideal.
But I come before you with yet another complaint tonight. And that's something about Halloween that has stumped me since I was a kid. Along with so many things Halloween brings, probably the most dumbfounding is the mystery of the candy. You know what I mean.
The mysterious shrunken candy. All well and good except... well, no it's not. What's the deal with that small size of candy? If you notice on the wrappers, they note this smaller size as "Fun Size". This is the perfect example of the web of lies advertising spins. They like to make you think that because it's a midget version of the real thing, it's more "fun". Here's the part where I say "fuck you". There is nothing significantly any more fun about a small piece of candy than a normal sized piece of candy. Hell, candy itself isn't really that fun. It's just a tool to cure a sweet tooth's craving. It's not like candy is the key to fun (not to be confused with happiness, because let's face it, candy is the key to happiness). If you really want to make a candy that's really "fun size", give me a Nestle Crunch bar that needs a crane to lift. Or how about a Wonder Ball that has it's own gravitational pull. Now that's fun.
Some are smarter. Mars' company has started calling their smaller candy Snack Size. While better than "fun size", it's still inaccurate. A normal sized candy bar is a snack. The little pack of M&Ms I just got is gone in 2 seconds. Chew, chew, swallow. Mmm. It's not much of a snack. Maybe if I had the stomach the size of a kidney bean. You want a real name for it; these things that are gone with one bite. Hm, I don't know, how about Bite size. Makes perfect sense, no? Yet no one sees with reason.
Think back to trick-or-treating. That huge house that gave out full-sized candy bars. Man, you loved those guys. You may have never seen those people again for the other 364 days of the year. But on Halloween, they were your best friends and your first stop on the trick-or-treating trail.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take my "fun size" bag of Snickers and watch the Red Sox get blown out again.
But I come before you with yet another complaint tonight. And that's something about Halloween that has stumped me since I was a kid. Along with so many things Halloween brings, probably the most dumbfounding is the mystery of the candy. You know what I mean.
The mysterious shrunken candy. All well and good except... well, no it's not. What's the deal with that small size of candy? If you notice on the wrappers, they note this smaller size as "Fun Size". This is the perfect example of the web of lies advertising spins. They like to make you think that because it's a midget version of the real thing, it's more "fun". Here's the part where I say "fuck you". There is nothing significantly any more fun about a small piece of candy than a normal sized piece of candy. Hell, candy itself isn't really that fun. It's just a tool to cure a sweet tooth's craving. It's not like candy is the key to fun (not to be confused with happiness, because let's face it, candy is the key to happiness). If you really want to make a candy that's really "fun size", give me a Nestle Crunch bar that needs a crane to lift. Or how about a Wonder Ball that has it's own gravitational pull. Now that's fun.
Some are smarter. Mars' company has started calling their smaller candy Snack Size. While better than "fun size", it's still inaccurate. A normal sized candy bar is a snack. The little pack of M&Ms I just got is gone in 2 seconds. Chew, chew, swallow. Mmm. It's not much of a snack. Maybe if I had the stomach the size of a kidney bean. You want a real name for it; these things that are gone with one bite. Hm, I don't know, how about Bite size. Makes perfect sense, no? Yet no one sees with reason.
Think back to trick-or-treating. That huge house that gave out full-sized candy bars. Man, you loved those guys. You may have never seen those people again for the other 364 days of the year. But on Halloween, they were your best friends and your first stop on the trick-or-treating trail.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take my "fun size" bag of Snickers and watch the Red Sox get blown out again.