Project Run Away!
Anyone ever watch that show Project Runway on purpose and not subsequently put a gun in their mouth? Wait, let me rephrase that. Any self-respecting male ever watch that show without pulling his own trigger? Amazingly, I have pulled off such a feat. I sat through, not just one simple episode, but 2 and a half hours of this humdrum, cut-and-sew bitchery. Embarassing revelation, I admit, especially after I've already taken a hit by admitting that I've watched Degrassi. But let me explain myself. Actually, it's essentially in the same context. I was in L-Town for the last two days, hanging out with Bopha and Christine. I was prolonging leaving nearly as much as I could seeing that Christine and Cassie were both leaving for college over the weekend. And the three of them seemingly have a ritual that they all get together and watch it. And while I didn't want to go home, that was my option. So I took it. So there. I stayed for the company, not the show. Thus I'm still officially awesome.
Anyway. Let's start with a basic synopsis of a usual episode. Bunch of retards who like to sew or whatever go to some prefabricated set where Heidi Klum, the ONLY good part of the show, reads off a cue card. She gives all the wannabes a theme and/or task to be accomplished in x-amount of time. The choads will then disperse and find patches of cloth and scrap, bring them back to their "work station", and sew together their pieces of carpent remnants into some ugly clothes that some unfortunate models have to wear and strut in down a runway in front of "judges". Then the "judges" confer, Heidi Klum reads off a cue card again, and they put one of the worthless sons of bitches out of their misery, which is usually followed by crying like the fashion pussies they are. Cut it. Print it. I'll be in my trailer.
If you read that summary, you've seen every episode. Yet people still watch this show every week. And it keeps getting renewed for new seasons. Did I say people watch it? I mean women. Women watch it. The viewing audience of Project Runway has to be at least 98% women. In fact, the viewing audience of the entire Bravo! network has to resemble that statistic. How else can Queer Eye For the Straight Guy still be on? Seriously, I've heard that most gays actually hate the show because they give them a bad name and only reinforce the stereotype. And straight guys won't watch it because... well... your average straight guy is massively homophobic (sad, but true). Project Runway does nothing to deface that idea ever. It's like Bravo is one massive stereotyping machine.
It's just another lameass elimination reality show. How can this reach the status of mega uber awesome according to the dumbass TV critics? It's a show about dumb clothes and dumber people. But don't tell that to Cassie, Bopha, and Christine (or the other x-million number of people who obsess over the show). Because I believe I've found the feminist equivalent of sports. What a crucial Week 16 NFL football matchup is to someone like me is what fashion, Bravo, and Project Runway is to your girly girl. During the newest episode at 10:00 last night, they all watched intently, analyzing every detail of clothes or the designer or anything, just like armchair quarterbacking. "Those shoes are too flashy" is the equivalent of "Thomas Jones is an overrated running back". "That dress is so beautiful" is like saying "Daunte Culpepper is the MAN!". I'm telling you, when it came down to elimination time between this one girl named Angela and a flamboyant guy named Kayne, whom everyone loved, and Angela was the one to be eliminated, you would've thought Eli Manning just threw up a hail mary to Plaxico Burress in the endzone to beat the Colts in Week 1 (sup prediction?). Cassie, Christine, and Bopha were just hooting and wooting and screaming in joy. And apparently some guy whom Bopha loathed ended up winning the challenge. Bope proceeded to pound her fist in anger on the coffee table for several moments, similar to how one would act if Tom Brady, in super douchebag fashion, led a downfield comeback against the Raiders. I recall the guy. Jeffrey. He was pretty douchebagular. And it seemed like his whole head was his neck . Just this huge treetrunk neck that he had tatooed. Fucking loser.
Ok, all football analogies aside, this show. Just what the fuck?
Anyway. Let's start with a basic synopsis of a usual episode. Bunch of retards who like to sew or whatever go to some prefabricated set where Heidi Klum, the ONLY good part of the show, reads off a cue card. She gives all the wannabes a theme and/or task to be accomplished in x-amount of time. The choads will then disperse and find patches of cloth and scrap, bring them back to their "work station", and sew together their pieces of carpent remnants into some ugly clothes that some unfortunate models have to wear and strut in down a runway in front of "judges". Then the "judges" confer, Heidi Klum reads off a cue card again, and they put one of the worthless sons of bitches out of their misery, which is usually followed by crying like the fashion pussies they are. Cut it. Print it. I'll be in my trailer.
If you read that summary, you've seen every episode. Yet people still watch this show every week. And it keeps getting renewed for new seasons. Did I say people watch it? I mean women. Women watch it. The viewing audience of Project Runway has to be at least 98% women. In fact, the viewing audience of the entire Bravo! network has to resemble that statistic. How else can Queer Eye For the Straight Guy still be on? Seriously, I've heard that most gays actually hate the show because they give them a bad name and only reinforce the stereotype. And straight guys won't watch it because... well... your average straight guy is massively homophobic (sad, but true). Project Runway does nothing to deface that idea ever. It's like Bravo is one massive stereotyping machine.
It's just another lameass elimination reality show. How can this reach the status of mega uber awesome according to the dumbass TV critics? It's a show about dumb clothes and dumber people. But don't tell that to Cassie, Bopha, and Christine (or the other x-million number of people who obsess over the show). Because I believe I've found the feminist equivalent of sports. What a crucial Week 16 NFL football matchup is to someone like me is what fashion, Bravo, and Project Runway is to your girly girl. During the newest episode at 10:00 last night, they all watched intently, analyzing every detail of clothes or the designer or anything, just like armchair quarterbacking. "Those shoes are too flashy" is the equivalent of "Thomas Jones is an overrated running back". "That dress is so beautiful" is like saying "Daunte Culpepper is the MAN!". I'm telling you, when it came down to elimination time between this one girl named Angela and a flamboyant guy named Kayne, whom everyone loved, and Angela was the one to be eliminated, you would've thought Eli Manning just threw up a hail mary to Plaxico Burress in the endzone to beat the Colts in Week 1 (sup prediction?). Cassie, Christine, and Bopha were just hooting and wooting and screaming in joy. And apparently some guy whom Bopha loathed ended up winning the challenge. Bope proceeded to pound her fist in anger on the coffee table for several moments, similar to how one would act if Tom Brady, in super douchebag fashion, led a downfield comeback against the Raiders. I recall the guy. Jeffrey. He was pretty douchebagular. And it seemed like his whole head was his neck . Just this huge treetrunk neck that he had tatooed. Fucking loser.
Ok, all football analogies aside, this show. Just what the fuck?