(no subject)
Can’t you hear the weeping? Can’t you feel it in your Soul?
Tonight I wept lightly...
I wept for Mother Earth, I wept for myself, I wept for the children, I wept for my fellow creatures, I wept for the spirits/deities/etc, and I wept for humanity past, present, and future.
I started falling asleep in my chair around 9:30 ish so at 10 I decided to actually go to bed. I woke up abruptly once, then went back to sleep. I woke up again in a panic. I can no longer explain why, I just know it happened. So unfortunately I have only gotten an hour and a half..and here I am.
I laid there trying to go back to sleep and calm myself, but I couldn't take it. The silence was absolutely lonely and deafening. So I turned my TV on (usually helps..since it numbs my mind a little), and the nightly news is on ABC, it catches my attention because they're talking about the Anale (don't know how to spell it) people in Venezuela.
It eventually boils down to the fact that their way of life is being wounded by "civilized" man, ranchers. It shows a neighboring tribe whom is doomed for extinction with no chance of revival, since there are few children to carry on the line and mostly the tribe consists of old men and women.
Towards the end of the segment they're (the Anales) talking about how the government wants to build a dam on their fishing grounds, which would kill their tribe pretty much. The wise man of the tribe is saying that if the rainforest is destroyed (and he has never even heard of the concept of global warming), then he fears and is certain that all of humanity would be destroyed.
It's quite evident that I've been really uneasy the past 3-4 months. I've felt like we're all in dire straits, felt that armageddon is fastly approaching. It seems to me that things are just not right.
At first I misguided my anxiety towards LHC, then towards Brittney. I've come to find that these are all just masks of why I'm truly lost within a world of chaotic anxiety that seems to plague my every thought.
When I first developed my Panic Disorder, my panic was falsely targeted towards other end-world scenarios as well but the focal point was mine own death. Once I met Brittney and went to Massage school, my panic attacks subsided, other than ones I would rarely get that I could most easily control and get rid of.
I think the true culprit, the biggest reason, is the state of our world. They're implementing this REAL ID act, Palin has a chance at getting into office (yeah, I know I said Palin and not McCain, but come the fuck on..that Dick Cheney esque whore is not fooling me one fucking bit), our economy is on the brink, we're still spending more money on the "war on terror" and other stupid ass funding that isn't nearly as important as our energy independance (which the scientists, that's right..the people who know wtf is actually going on, are saying that if we harnessed all the wind power in the US we'd have more than enough to replace all our power plants) or fixing our economy and reducing our waste production and carbon emissions.
I am a believer in positive thought, but I also believe that other realities can control your own. I continue to hope and believe that Obama will get the office, but there's something in my soul that is telling me that we're in deep shit. If anyone would take a look at what the republican parties of my generation have "accomplished", they'd realize just how idiotic it is to put these fools in office.
Look at what Bill has done, and look at what Bush (either Bush) has done. The stats are all there..and they show that if you're talking greedy, religion driven, moronic, asshole Republicans..then you're talking a fucked up country that's close to a police state and damn near in the midst of "The Great Depression Part II".
When you talk pussy ass, portray themselves as selfless, wannabe saviors to humanity democrats..then you're talking about a booming economy, more freedoms, and movements in the right direction.
My point I'm getting at in a long drawn out way...
Our Mother Earth is weeping and we continue to ignore her, and the only reason she hasn't wiped us out is what hope is left for humanity. We're coming dangerously close to her having to resort to the option she hates to even think about..destroy most or all of us to save herself and sustain new life that will hopefully not destroy themselves and her.
In this tribal segment they mentioned that one of their philosophies was that you only take what you need and share everything you have, as opposed to our "civilized" society that takes everything it can get it's hands on and hordes it.
I'm not saying we need to drop all our technology and go back to living in grass huts, but I am saying that we need to make a change. We keep this shit up and the entire human race is at stake.
This world is spinning wildly out of control, and all we can do is keep consuming and bleeding it dry. We continue to be ignorant to the truth and worst of all, we allow people whom are even more ignorant than ourselves to call the shots.
I do not discard the truth of my own actions though, do not misunderstand me, but I am at least planning on doing something about it when I have the means by which to do something about it. I'm at least educating myself and showing myself the error of my ways. However, there are many that do not do this, and for those of you that fit into this category...YOU ARE FUCKING FOOLS.
My first step in the right direction was to realize that I'm a fool, and ignorant, and that I always will be ignorant but with time will not be a fool. Ignorance is a universal constant, there's no such thing as someone who isn't ignorant, because to not be ignorant would be to know everything there is to know in this vast universe that extends beyond our feeble human comprehension.
It is those that remain ignorant to their own ignorance that destroy this world.
I think most of my anxiety stems from this absolutely delusional and selfish state that humanity remains in, and from the stress it puts onto me because it seems like I'm the only one with a plan to turn it all around. I guess that's the law of averages though..out of all the people in the world only one emerges to lead humanity towards a bright future? or maybe it's just my job to be the visionary and the leader of the many people who will bring a new and fantastic era together.
Maybe I'm responsible for bringing all those together with dreams of better pyschology, better health care, environmentally friendly living, better food, end of poverty, end of discrimination, true freedom, world-wide love, truth, justice, and many more wonderful things.
It's funny too, because I keep self-judging and saying "man, you have a serious narcississt complex", but then I think about it. I don't think I'm better than anyone or that I'm some sort of "chosen one", it just seems like I'm the one with the direction. It doesn't take a "chosen one" to save the world, just a man/woman/other that will never let the dream die, and never let anyone tell them "no". It only takes someone who will never be fully satisfied until they accomplish their dream of saving the world, and it only takes someone with decent ideas on how to get powerful enough to accomplish it. It takes someone that believes in themself and others. Someone that will never give up until they've reached their goal.
I'm no more special than anyone else, just another grain of sand on an endless beach..but I still strive to help and save all.
My empathic qualities force me to feel emotions that aren't even always my own. I do have my own emotions, but I experience the emotions of others a great deal. I think I'm feeling the anguish of humanity and Mother Earth, the anguish of the spirits themselves..and their panic. I can empathize for Atlas, because I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Maybe I'm just a fool and this is all a deep seeded mental disorder, and that's a distinct possibility and I will not discredit the notion because I am educated well enough to be aware of my own ignorance.
However, this is what I perceive, and this is the way I know how to articulate it. I find it no coincedence that I was raised by one of the most angelic people of all time (Lil), or one of the most loving but at the same time ornery and spiteful people ever (Grandma Ollie), or that I was the product of two of this towns most notorious outlaws. I find it no coincedence that most of the people around me inspired me to rebel, think outside the box, live free, care for others, fight for others, and stand up for what is right.
I also find it no coincedence that I have came across a special person whom is the light of humanity, whom embodies all of humanities best qualities..and she loves me, and she loves me for me and me alone. I don't have to be the "toughest" guy ever, or the "strongest" guy ever, or have nice cars or a nice house, I don't have to buy her presents, or have washboard abs, I don't have to have lots of money, have the answers all the time, or be the best at everything. She loves me for who I am, and that's one of the few things I've asked the universe for (Including great children someday, a decent life, and for my loved ones to be happy) in return for me to either succeed or die trying to save the world.
Even if I just inspire the person that changes the world for the better, and I get to be with my beloved, my kids, and my loved ones..then I'll be very happy.
"I may not change the world, but I hope to at least spark the mind that does" ~ Tupac Shakur.
In the mean time people, please..try and lessen your damage you do to Mother Earth and each other. Hurting her isn't the only thing that upsets her, in fact I'm sure it upsets her more when you hurt the other species (including non-animal living things too) and your fellow humans.
Spread the love, and the wealth. In the end when you die, you can't take the wealth with you, and if you hold back on spreading love..your life will have only been lived to a fraction of it's potential. Love is the only truth, and a sure thing can never be wrong.
Also, please think/pray/manifest/meditate for me and my fellow classmates taking our state boards this Friday (my group at 8AM the other at 11AM), wish us well.
I love you all, and I feel a bit better now..and tired, so I shall now lay down my bones and sleep for what little time I may.
Tonight I wept lightly...
I wept for Mother Earth, I wept for myself, I wept for the children, I wept for my fellow creatures, I wept for the spirits/deities/etc, and I wept for humanity past, present, and future.
I started falling asleep in my chair around 9:30 ish so at 10 I decided to actually go to bed. I woke up abruptly once, then went back to sleep. I woke up again in a panic. I can no longer explain why, I just know it happened. So unfortunately I have only gotten an hour and a half..and here I am.
I laid there trying to go back to sleep and calm myself, but I couldn't take it. The silence was absolutely lonely and deafening. So I turned my TV on (usually helps..since it numbs my mind a little), and the nightly news is on ABC, it catches my attention because they're talking about the Anale (don't know how to spell it) people in Venezuela.
It eventually boils down to the fact that their way of life is being wounded by "civilized" man, ranchers. It shows a neighboring tribe whom is doomed for extinction with no chance of revival, since there are few children to carry on the line and mostly the tribe consists of old men and women.
Towards the end of the segment they're (the Anales) talking about how the government wants to build a dam on their fishing grounds, which would kill their tribe pretty much. The wise man of the tribe is saying that if the rainforest is destroyed (and he has never even heard of the concept of global warming), then he fears and is certain that all of humanity would be destroyed.
It's quite evident that I've been really uneasy the past 3-4 months. I've felt like we're all in dire straits, felt that armageddon is fastly approaching. It seems to me that things are just not right.
At first I misguided my anxiety towards LHC, then towards Brittney. I've come to find that these are all just masks of why I'm truly lost within a world of chaotic anxiety that seems to plague my every thought.
When I first developed my Panic Disorder, my panic was falsely targeted towards other end-world scenarios as well but the focal point was mine own death. Once I met Brittney and went to Massage school, my panic attacks subsided, other than ones I would rarely get that I could most easily control and get rid of.
I think the true culprit, the biggest reason, is the state of our world. They're implementing this REAL ID act, Palin has a chance at getting into office (yeah, I know I said Palin and not McCain, but come the fuck on..that Dick Cheney esque whore is not fooling me one fucking bit), our economy is on the brink, we're still spending more money on the "war on terror" and other stupid ass funding that isn't nearly as important as our energy independance (which the scientists, that's right..the people who know wtf is actually going on, are saying that if we harnessed all the wind power in the US we'd have more than enough to replace all our power plants) or fixing our economy and reducing our waste production and carbon emissions.
I am a believer in positive thought, but I also believe that other realities can control your own. I continue to hope and believe that Obama will get the office, but there's something in my soul that is telling me that we're in deep shit. If anyone would take a look at what the republican parties of my generation have "accomplished", they'd realize just how idiotic it is to put these fools in office.
Look at what Bill has done, and look at what Bush (either Bush) has done. The stats are all there..and they show that if you're talking greedy, religion driven, moronic, asshole Republicans..then you're talking a fucked up country that's close to a police state and damn near in the midst of "The Great Depression Part II".
When you talk pussy ass, portray themselves as selfless, wannabe saviors to humanity democrats..then you're talking about a booming economy, more freedoms, and movements in the right direction.
My point I'm getting at in a long drawn out way...
Our Mother Earth is weeping and we continue to ignore her, and the only reason she hasn't wiped us out is what hope is left for humanity. We're coming dangerously close to her having to resort to the option she hates to even think about..destroy most or all of us to save herself and sustain new life that will hopefully not destroy themselves and her.
In this tribal segment they mentioned that one of their philosophies was that you only take what you need and share everything you have, as opposed to our "civilized" society that takes everything it can get it's hands on and hordes it.
I'm not saying we need to drop all our technology and go back to living in grass huts, but I am saying that we need to make a change. We keep this shit up and the entire human race is at stake.
This world is spinning wildly out of control, and all we can do is keep consuming and bleeding it dry. We continue to be ignorant to the truth and worst of all, we allow people whom are even more ignorant than ourselves to call the shots.
I do not discard the truth of my own actions though, do not misunderstand me, but I am at least planning on doing something about it when I have the means by which to do something about it. I'm at least educating myself and showing myself the error of my ways. However, there are many that do not do this, and for those of you that fit into this category...YOU ARE FUCKING FOOLS.
My first step in the right direction was to realize that I'm a fool, and ignorant, and that I always will be ignorant but with time will not be a fool. Ignorance is a universal constant, there's no such thing as someone who isn't ignorant, because to not be ignorant would be to know everything there is to know in this vast universe that extends beyond our feeble human comprehension.
It is those that remain ignorant to their own ignorance that destroy this world.
I think most of my anxiety stems from this absolutely delusional and selfish state that humanity remains in, and from the stress it puts onto me because it seems like I'm the only one with a plan to turn it all around. I guess that's the law of averages though..out of all the people in the world only one emerges to lead humanity towards a bright future? or maybe it's just my job to be the visionary and the leader of the many people who will bring a new and fantastic era together.
Maybe I'm responsible for bringing all those together with dreams of better pyschology, better health care, environmentally friendly living, better food, end of poverty, end of discrimination, true freedom, world-wide love, truth, justice, and many more wonderful things.
It's funny too, because I keep self-judging and saying "man, you have a serious narcississt complex", but then I think about it. I don't think I'm better than anyone or that I'm some sort of "chosen one", it just seems like I'm the one with the direction. It doesn't take a "chosen one" to save the world, just a man/woman/other that will never let the dream die, and never let anyone tell them "no". It only takes someone who will never be fully satisfied until they accomplish their dream of saving the world, and it only takes someone with decent ideas on how to get powerful enough to accomplish it. It takes someone that believes in themself and others. Someone that will never give up until they've reached their goal.
I'm no more special than anyone else, just another grain of sand on an endless beach..but I still strive to help and save all.
My empathic qualities force me to feel emotions that aren't even always my own. I do have my own emotions, but I experience the emotions of others a great deal. I think I'm feeling the anguish of humanity and Mother Earth, the anguish of the spirits themselves..and their panic. I can empathize for Atlas, because I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Maybe I'm just a fool and this is all a deep seeded mental disorder, and that's a distinct possibility and I will not discredit the notion because I am educated well enough to be aware of my own ignorance.
However, this is what I perceive, and this is the way I know how to articulate it. I find it no coincedence that I was raised by one of the most angelic people of all time (Lil), or one of the most loving but at the same time ornery and spiteful people ever (Grandma Ollie), or that I was the product of two of this towns most notorious outlaws. I find it no coincedence that most of the people around me inspired me to rebel, think outside the box, live free, care for others, fight for others, and stand up for what is right.
I also find it no coincedence that I have came across a special person whom is the light of humanity, whom embodies all of humanities best qualities..and she loves me, and she loves me for me and me alone. I don't have to be the "toughest" guy ever, or the "strongest" guy ever, or have nice cars or a nice house, I don't have to buy her presents, or have washboard abs, I don't have to have lots of money, have the answers all the time, or be the best at everything. She loves me for who I am, and that's one of the few things I've asked the universe for (Including great children someday, a decent life, and for my loved ones to be happy) in return for me to either succeed or die trying to save the world.
Even if I just inspire the person that changes the world for the better, and I get to be with my beloved, my kids, and my loved ones..then I'll be very happy.
"I may not change the world, but I hope to at least spark the mind that does" ~ Tupac Shakur.
In the mean time people, please..try and lessen your damage you do to Mother Earth and each other. Hurting her isn't the only thing that upsets her, in fact I'm sure it upsets her more when you hurt the other species (including non-animal living things too) and your fellow humans.
Spread the love, and the wealth. In the end when you die, you can't take the wealth with you, and if you hold back on spreading love..your life will have only been lived to a fraction of it's potential. Love is the only truth, and a sure thing can never be wrong.
Also, please think/pray/manifest/meditate for me and my fellow classmates taking our state boards this Friday (my group at 8AM the other at 11AM), wish us well.
I love you all, and I feel a bit better now..and tired, so I shall now lay down my bones and sleep for what little time I may.