i hate this! my head is broken and its set on SPIN!
my life has been good..but lately i have been having the worst time trying to cope with the world. i havn't seen my g/f Lauren (who i love so so so dearly!)(because i have been the most complete asshole) for 2 weeks, or even talked to on the phone. she has every right to hate my fucking guts, but prolonging us not talking is just making it worse. i am in complet hell right now. i am confused, sad, depressed and even more ashamed of my self, i realy don't know what to do right now! but i realy need somone to help me threw this! and she doesn't want to. i guess i diserve to suffer, and sit in my own self pity, and luy in bed thinking of her, but i am learning as the long days go bye that i care about her more thin i could ever thought possible. i now see what it would be like with out the person i love and would do any thing for. and all u that know me as matt the bumb, know that i would never do any thing to hurt sombody, so have i lost my mind? am i just turning out to be like every ass hole? am i just another stupid ass horny guy? do i even deserve to have her even look at me? and the answer is no..i don't diserve to have her, but i do, and i have been woken up, and can see what i have. and i can see that i could not be with out her. i love her more then anything. and i will never hurt her again. love matt aka(matt the bum, bhastard, tear drop, beany matt, poncho, and ASSHOLE!)