(no subject)
Title: My Letter is Better than Yours.
Author: Erica [novemberslyth]
Rating: PG-13
Prompt and Claim: 012. Humor, (magnificent)
Fandom and Pairing: Harry Potter, Harry/Draco pre-slash
Disclaimer: If Harry Potter was mine, there would shagging on every other page. Sadly, there isn’t. So, no, definitely not mine.
Warnings: Eh, I don’t know? Heee!
Summary: Harry gets bored and decides to send Draco an owl. They converse back and forth and a secret gets revealed. Contains an arrogant!Harry. (1,196 words)
Author's Note: Yes, there will be a second part to this. Why wouldn’t there be?
~*~
Malfoy,
It’s Potter. Yes, Harry Potter! Please, control your excitement. The past Christmas break was one of the longest, don’t you think? Oh, stop squeaking like a little girl! I know you’re excited to have someone pay attention to you. Though, it being me and all, you just can’t help it. I can let it slide this time, I guess. Did you know that I’m hotter than you? Because I am. Hah. Haha. Hahaaa!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
What the fuck? Why are you writing to me? I. DON’T. LIKE. YOU. We are not friends, do not assume such a thing. Besides, you’re only writing to me because no one is paying attention to you! Loser! Who’s been feeding you all these brain-eating thoughts? Honestly! You can’t possibly think you’re hotter than I am? You have an ugly scar (that doesn’t match your eyes!), wild uncontrollable hair and four eyes! That is soooooo gross.
- D.
Ps. You really are arrogant, aren’t you? As if I would get excited about you.
~*~
Malfoy,
Just because you cross out things doesn’t mean I can’t read them. I AM NOT A LOSER, YOU BLOODY PONCE! I’m with the Weasley’s right now; I have a lot of people paying attention to me. I just choose to write to you because I know you are a lonely spoiled brat with no friends. And I am hotter than you! Who cares if my scar doesn’t match my eyes? Why are you staring into my eyes anyway? Do you fancy me, Malfoy? I wouldn’t blame you, of course.
x. HP!
PS - Stop denying this.
~*~
Potter,
Maybe I intended for you to see that, moron. Why would I want to hide the truth? Ah, you’re with the Weasley’s? Those muggles you living with finally got fed up with you, huh? Not that I blame them, you are really an annoying git. Don’t be jealous that my parents have enough money to spoil me rotten. As a matter of fact, the next time we go out, I’ll make sure to buy you some fashionable glasses. Did you ask if I fancy you?! Ew, no! How many times must I tell you that you’re ugly? People seem to think I don’t get along with ugly people, and they obviously assume that because I don’t get along with you. Therefore, I don’t fancy you.
- D.
Ps. These Ps’s are getting boring, do stop.
~*~
Malfoy,
Sure you diiiiiiiid. I’ll make it a point to forget you ever mentioned those muggles. You’re going to be poor one day, and I will laugh. Then, I’ll flaunt the beautiful glasses that you’re going to buy me. ‘Hey Malfoy, remember when you had money and bought these for me?’ That would be so bloody funny. It’s fine if you don’t fancy me, Malfoy. I guess two hot people being together wouldn’t be good for the less unfortunate ones, right? Though, my hotness would lead you from the relationship because you wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.
x. HP!
Ps. Ugh, fine. You started it, idiot.
~*~
Potter,
I WILL NEVER BE POOR! Don’t you dare try and jinx me like that, prat. Who told you that you were funny, Potter? You really aren’t. That little joke about the glasses was completely horrible. Thank you, try again! Oh my God, you aren’t hot! Not even the “less unfortunate” ones would take a chance with you. Except for the Weaselette, because she’s been taught to know no better. That’s a shame, really, she’s a very cute girl. Wait.. Potter.. Did you.. You just said I was hot! HAHAHHHAA, YOU ARE QUEER!
I so knew it.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
What a magnificent job you’ve done, figuring out my secret and all. Cookie for you! [gives you a Potter flavored cookie] I can’t believe I actually thought you were smart. And Ginny (not Weaselette!) is cute, and she wants me.. but have you seen me propositioning her? NO! Because she is like a sister to me and I’m undoubtedly GAY. Don’t worry, Malfoy, I’m not spoken for. I might just let you have a taste one day. And I did call you hot. You know, just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I’m not going to speak the truth. You sexy minx, you. Is it wrong for me to assume you’re gay? I think you are.
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Stop jumping to conclusions. I am definitely not gay! Since you don’t want the Weaselette, can I have her? I’ll teach her what is hot and what isn’t. She obviously is in the wrong environment. I’ve heard being around too many Gryffindorks can make you blind. Guess that’s why you were placed there, since you’re already blind and such and you keep believing that you’re hot. And.. I DON’T WANT YOUR COOKIE! I'll probably get all infested with rats and maggots and other gross things that probably reproduce in that hair of yours.
You’d be lucky if I even graced your presence.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
No you may not have Ginny! You can have me though! Ginny’s not stupid enough to come near you. She thinks you’re gay anyway, and that’s because you are. Why must you deny it, Malfoy? I’ve seen you with your Slytherin uglies, the girls always trying to throw themselves at you and you ignoring them to talk to some boy close by. And hey, Parkinson told me that you’re gay. She said we’d be the sexiest couple ever! Which is so true, right? I know.
Lets hook up.
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Here’s some news for you: You are a slut! You’ve been talking to Pansy? She told you I was gay? That little bitch! Talking to you like some old friend of hers. I am never ever telling her another secret! I’m so going to get her for this. Listen to me Potter, you tell anyone and… I’ll kill you! Got it? Okay, fabulous.
NO, I AM NOT HOOKING UP WITH YOU!
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
I KNOW YOUR BIGGEST SECRET, HEEEEE!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Alright, fine.
You have harassed me and I can get you in trouble for that, but to keep my biggest secret.. a secret, I shall meet you. When and where? I can’t believe you want me so bad that you actually have sunken so low as to blackmail me.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
I only did it because I knew you were too afraid to ask yourself.
ROR, 10pm. BE READY TO BE AMAZED!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Ugh on you.
- D.
Author: Erica [novemberslyth]
Rating: PG-13
Prompt and Claim: 012. Humor, (magnificent)
Fandom and Pairing: Harry Potter, Harry/Draco pre-slash
Disclaimer: If Harry Potter was mine, there would shagging on every other page. Sadly, there isn’t. So, no, definitely not mine.
Warnings: Eh, I don’t know? Heee!
Summary: Harry gets bored and decides to send Draco an owl. They converse back and forth and a secret gets revealed. Contains an arrogant!Harry. (1,196 words)
Author's Note: Yes, there will be a second part to this. Why wouldn’t there be?
~*~
Malfoy,
It’s Potter. Yes, Harry Potter! Please, control your excitement. The past Christmas break was one of the longest, don’t you think? Oh, stop squeaking like a little girl! I know you’re excited to have someone pay attention to you. Though, it being me and all, you just can’t help it. I can let it slide this time, I guess. Did you know that I’m hotter than you? Because I am. Hah. Haha. Hahaaa!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
What the fuck? Why are you writing to me? I. DON’T. LIKE. YOU. We are not friends, do not assume such a thing. Besides, you’re only writing to me because no one is paying attention to you! Loser! Who’s been feeding you all these brain-eating thoughts? Honestly! You can’t possibly think you’re hotter than I am? You have an ugly scar (that doesn’t match your eyes!), wild uncontrollable hair and four eyes! That is soooooo gross.
- D.
Ps. You really are arrogant, aren’t you? As if I would get excited about you.
~*~
Malfoy,
Just because you cross out things doesn’t mean I can’t read them. I AM NOT A LOSER, YOU BLOODY PONCE! I’m with the Weasley’s right now; I have a lot of people paying attention to me. I just choose to write to you because I know you are a lonely spoiled brat with no friends. And I am hotter than you! Who cares if my scar doesn’t match my eyes? Why are you staring into my eyes anyway? Do you fancy me, Malfoy? I wouldn’t blame you, of course.
x. HP!
PS - Stop denying this.
~*~
Potter,
Maybe I intended for you to see that, moron. Why would I want to hide the truth? Ah, you’re with the Weasley’s? Those muggles you living with finally got fed up with you, huh? Not that I blame them, you are really an annoying git. Don’t be jealous that my parents have enough money to spoil me rotten. As a matter of fact, the next time we go out, I’ll make sure to buy you some fashionable glasses. Did you ask if I fancy you?! Ew, no! How many times must I tell you that you’re ugly? People seem to think I don’t get along with ugly people, and they obviously assume that because I don’t get along with you. Therefore, I don’t fancy you.
- D.
Ps. These Ps’s are getting boring, do stop.
~*~
Malfoy,
Sure you diiiiiiiid. I’ll make it a point to forget you ever mentioned those muggles. You’re going to be poor one day, and I will laugh. Then, I’ll flaunt the beautiful glasses that you’re going to buy me. ‘Hey Malfoy, remember when you had money and bought these for me?’ That would be so bloody funny. It’s fine if you don’t fancy me, Malfoy. I guess two hot people being together wouldn’t be good for the less unfortunate ones, right? Though, my hotness would lead you from the relationship because you wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.
x. HP!
Ps. Ugh, fine. You started it, idiot.
~*~
Potter,
I WILL NEVER BE POOR! Don’t you dare try and jinx me like that, prat. Who told you that you were funny, Potter? You really aren’t. That little joke about the glasses was completely horrible. Thank you, try again! Oh my God, you aren’t hot! Not even the “less unfortunate” ones would take a chance with you. Except for the Weaselette, because she’s been taught to know no better. That’s a shame, really, she’s a very cute girl. Wait.. Potter.. Did you.. You just said I was hot! HAHAHHHAA, YOU ARE QUEER!
I so knew it.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
What a magnificent job you’ve done, figuring out my secret and all. Cookie for you! [gives you a Potter flavored cookie] I can’t believe I actually thought you were smart. And Ginny (not Weaselette!) is cute, and she wants me.. but have you seen me propositioning her? NO! Because she is like a sister to me and I’m undoubtedly GAY. Don’t worry, Malfoy, I’m not spoken for. I might just let you have a taste one day. And I did call you hot. You know, just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I’m not going to speak the truth. You sexy minx, you. Is it wrong for me to assume you’re gay? I think you are.
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Stop jumping to conclusions. I am definitely not gay! Since you don’t want the Weaselette, can I have her? I’ll teach her what is hot and what isn’t. She obviously is in the wrong environment. I’ve heard being around too many Gryffindorks can make you blind. Guess that’s why you were placed there, since you’re already blind and such and you keep believing that you’re hot. And.. I DON’T WANT YOUR COOKIE! I'll probably get all infested with rats and maggots and other gross things that probably reproduce in that hair of yours.
You’d be lucky if I even graced your presence.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
No you may not have Ginny! You can have me though! Ginny’s not stupid enough to come near you. She thinks you’re gay anyway, and that’s because you are. Why must you deny it, Malfoy? I’ve seen you with your Slytherin uglies, the girls always trying to throw themselves at you and you ignoring them to talk to some boy close by. And hey, Parkinson told me that you’re gay. She said we’d be the sexiest couple ever! Which is so true, right? I know.
Lets hook up.
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Here’s some news for you: You are a slut! You’ve been talking to Pansy? She told you I was gay? That little bitch! Talking to you like some old friend of hers. I am never ever telling her another secret! I’m so going to get her for this. Listen to me Potter, you tell anyone and… I’ll kill you! Got it? Okay, fabulous.
NO, I AM NOT HOOKING UP WITH YOU!
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
I KNOW YOUR BIGGEST SECRET, HEEEEE!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Alright, fine.
You have harassed me and I can get you in trouble for that, but to keep my biggest secret.. a secret, I shall meet you. When and where? I can’t believe you want me so bad that you actually have sunken so low as to blackmail me.
- D.
~*~
Malfoy,
I only did it because I knew you were too afraid to ask yourself.
ROR, 10pm. BE READY TO BE AMAZED!
x. HP!
~*~
Potter,
Ugh on you.
- D.